Felicia Lee No Xue Er

2011-12-24T02:22:00.002+08:00

this year has been fruitful. :)

though i had been thru many many obstacles and challenges, i have also been blessed alot with many breakthroughs.

God is good to not just give us a life with ups and downs, but a life with ups and down CONCURRENTLY so we do not lose hope when one part of our life gets down. :)

Although i did not achieve some of my goals i set for this year, but i have gotten nearer to them.
and i have just thought of new goals to set for the year 2012! yipee!

1) grow closer spiritually to Jesus thru completing my reading of the bible and having consistent quality time with God. (it is really quite dissapointing that i did not finish reading even new testament, but fear not, its a new morn everday, new day to set new targets. i do not want to tell God i have not finish reading his word when i get to heaven. since the end time is nearing i got to prepare myself and really finish reading the bible. and not just reading, i meant real studying of the word! woohooo! ) And of course, i figure out reading the word is just not enough, i have to really pray more, even fast more consistently, so that i would really learn to rely FULLY (100%) on God in all areas of my life, in such a way that i really depend on Him. i have been telling myself to keep the faith but realise i always end up with looking at things in a physical level, where i think its impossible or challenging. instead, i should look thru the lens of God, and really trust that he will give me strength, and no just that, He will also help me to turn the "impossible" into possibles! i feel this is my main priority and main goal or perhaps no.1 goal of 2012. my mother/girlfriends are asking me to quickly get attatched with a boyfriend. but i haven even get my spiritual life in place yet, how could i do that? at least thats what i feel at this point of time. (pardon me, like what i created this blog for, i meant for it to be a reflection page, where i pen down my words and confess literally thru typing. so whatever that i wrote here are sorta saying to myself. so it gets draggy haha)

2) compose songs for God.
actually at this point of time, judging on my abilities, hmm... i am alittle ashame to even say this. hmmm, but like what pastor shared today regarding the guy paul pott (winner of britain got talent) , when people dont listen to his voice and dont appreciate him, he turns and sing to God, telling himself that if others dont listen to him, God will still be there to listen to him. what i am trying to tell myself is that even if i am not very good as seen by physical eyes, Jesus will still listen to me, and appreciates me. right? and anyway, the songs are For Him. gifts to Him. sang to Him with my heart. haha! :D

3) gets my grandparents, uncles and whole household to be saved!
talking about this, it really makes me feel dissapointed or even "sian" now, to pursue this goal. things are totally not looking good in this aspect, BUT God can and WILL work miracles in my household. for he said "when one is saved, the whole household shall be saved!" so who knows, God knows that my whole household, my dear grandparents,cousins,uncles,aunties shall be saved!!! :)

4) maintain a spirit/ attitude of "shamelessness"
by being not ashame of stepping out to being what God has called me to be. i really want to get rid of my "paiseh" attitude of thinking im not good enough all the time. instead incorporate the mindset of "i will be glad to boast about my weaknesses and persecutions. so that the power of Christ can work thru me, for when i am weak, i am STRONG".

5) appreciate what i have, rather than focusing on what i dont have.
i wanna stop looking and scrutinizing at what i dont have, which i tried to tell myself that i have when i know that i actually just dont have it. sad to say right. haha. instead, i should focus all my energy and strength on what i already have, and make it better, to glorify Him. i should really believe that when he have given me this specific talent, as long as i ask and believe, He would really inject the FULLNESS of Christ (all the talents,attitudes,gifts,compassion...) into my tiny physical body! so that i can fully MAXIMISE what he have given me to do good for his kingdom. well i am actually talking about the special voice that God has given me to sing. i find it hard sometimes to confess out to people that i sing. but i felt rebuked. why should i be ashame man? if this is what He has given me, i should all the more use it, glorify Him with it. i should be no longer me, but more of Him in me. of course needless to say that He will guide me on how to use it. :)

i have alot more to say to sum up my goals and what i learnt this year, my visions and so much more! wait till next time! )

ciao!

Grace upon Grace

2011-10-11T00:34:00.003+08:00

i have so much to share but i hav forgotten some of what i wanna share, hope i recall :)

first of all, wanna share breakthroughs upon breakthroughs!
well many things happened this year for me and i start to firgure out perhaps why God put me into this situation and this time in my life.
thanks to Jesus for miracles that my singing route takes on a new challenge and level.

beside given the chance to perform and sing whichever sundays in timbre, i am also informed that i might be given a chance to work with the instructors and bands for wednesdays slots as well! i mean this is an honour for me, like what a small voice like mine could be chosen. beside this, my instructor is also preparing me for an audition for a month's show in timbre, where the best vocalist gets to sing for every tuesday on that specific month. thank God for nice instructor who are willing to invest the time and effort into new people like me. :)

all these little breakthroughs may seem very very little in others' eyes, but i see these as little stepping stones towards what God had called me, and given me to do.

besides in timbre, i have a very very great partner whom i work with. hmm, how do i call him, he is my boss, my ex instructor and also a friend. he is also the one who gave me many chances to build up what i have by bringing me down to teach in Minds. recently i have been told that i might be able to work further with him in the worship team! what an honour! i mean of course when i first heard it i felt "oh gosh, but i dont know anything and am not experienced...". i mean i am very excited that i can be given a chance to lead worship together, but at the same time doubt myself.

the very moment when i doubt my abilities, i felt God rebuked me and said to me " dont belittle what he had given me, make use of every opportunities he had given me and jump into them without pride nor ashameness of inexperience, for there is no gifts too small in his eyes". i was reminded of the song that britt nicole sang of "im not ashame, in being small enough to fit inside ur hands". i felt convicted that i have to see myself differently, which sha, my cellgroup leader told me to. :)

other than this offer, this boss or rather friend had also surprised me by wanting to sponsor me for drum lessons and also perhaps in future to endorse his own brand in drumkits! who i am to deserve all these, especially when i dont give my 100% at everything that i do. God is indeed good! very good to me.

there are other more breakthrus, the lists goes on and on...
How good has God been to me?!

i rmbed i sat on the bus by the window, thinking back how i started all these out, with stillno background in music, no training, no experience and no music theory and all. and then i compared to all the opportunities i am given now, i thank God. i am very touched at how much Jesus valued me in eyes. i felt so underserving of everything that i have now in my hands, but yet i am given much more than im expected. i grumble, i envy, i get jealous, i fustrate at little barriers that comes my way. most of all, i have this weakness in me where i almost have split personality. at times i boast to myself, and then other times i see myself so so so small and useless. How imperfect i am, yet God has been good to me!

"i take pleasure in my weaknesses and in the insults, hardships,persecutions,and troubles that i suffer for Christ. for when i am weak, then i am STRONG. " (2 cor 12:10)

how true is this verse. :)

most of the times i grumble about my life, about my finances, about my lack of time, about how much i gave but to get back nothing. but i forgot to look at what He has blessed me with. isnt all these little breakthrus blessings as well? instead of looking at how much i had received, shouldnt i look at how much i had gave out to do good?

i used to keep questioning God, where should i go, why and why and why he placed me in this wilderness where i am nowhere. every of my friends are in university now happily enrolled in their choice of course. but where am i? i use to think is it my grades? i even cried and thought that it must be something that i had done wrong?

i slowly come to realise now that He have his reasons for putting me here. and i start to figure them out piece by piece now.

"when my servants will humble themselves before me and pray, i will reveal myself to them".

i start to figure out why i am here and thru this period of time, i found out more or less what he has called me to do. this period is not just a rest or work time for me. rather, it is a precious training time. its not just in my music experience, but also a training for my spiritual growth and also a training for my future.

i felt more called into the community services. previously i had only heard thru the little revelations that i had, to do good in the social work sector. but its pretty vague as there are many sub branches under the big umbrella of social work.

i think, special education is what i am called to do or rather, what i felt i should obey and do as well. through my trainings and teachings in the special school i am in, i learnt alot. alot about the special kids and felt joy in teaching them. although i am tested alot in my patience, but nevertheless i enjoyed it.

besides serving in chcsa ministry in the house of joy by visiting and serving the elderly, i recently joined jams church as well. this is a very very big step for me.

1stly, i have not much time left for myself,much say serving. 2ndly, i have too much on my hands now to handle. 3rdly, am i ready for it? during the ministry calling service, i felt the holy spirit prompted me to join jams church, which i had long wanted to join but becus of many reasons didnt in the end. i felt very reluctant and wishes to ignore this calling to obedience. becus, i have already spent much of my time in the house of joy ministry for the elderly. i wonder, where would i have the time, the energy to drain myself in another minsitry?

nevertheless i went and joined, putting aside all the mental barriers and physical lackings. seriously speaking, i felt very very tired, working and running here and then 7days per week with not much time to rest. but i felt what i am doing is fufilling, and its not just that, everytime i went and serve in jams be it visitations or service, it always touches me somehow and i tear at the faith and strength that the leaders have in jams, and how devoted and protected the students are in jams. it just touches me that there is still pure love towards people like them with special needs.

i got to admit at times i am scare of the more rough ones who bites and pinches, but looking through the surfaces of all these disabilites and lack of self control, there lies a pure longing and love for God that is more true and genuine than many others who appears to be very committed in minsitries, and very committed in church. at least this is what i think.

"it is easier for a child to enter the kingdom"

"keep ur hearts pure and i will reveal myself to u"

isnt purity the best key to search for Jesus? :)

instead of me teaching he students from jams church, they taught me alot, and i learnt alot from them through their purity.

recently i dont know why people are questioning me why dont i sing in church? yeah thats very true and i thought about it seriously. hmmm, frankly, i would rather use my voice to worship Him than to sing anything else, becus i believe thats why He gave me this unique voice. beside for singing the contemporary songs, more than ever, i believe i am made to sing to and for Him. how much i would rather long to worship Him.

"i would rather spend a thousand days in ur court, a thousand days cannot compare to one day in ur court"

i have so much on my hands, i spend much of my time already in the chcsa and jams church. but for once i felt so desperate to meet Him and know and feel him ever more, just like obedom wanting to serve in all kinds of ministries, as long as he gets to get near God's addictive presence.

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (phil 1:6)

when He had given us the talents and gifts or even opportunities, He shall bring them into completion like he promised.

Job 23: 13-14
"But once He has made his decision, who can change his mind? Whatever he wants to do, he does. So He will do to me whatever he has planned. He controls my destiny.

this post is inspired by rachel, whom prompted me to continue posting when im tired to share.

thanks rachel! :)

lastly,
Galatians 6:7-9
"Don’t be misled- you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant."
this is very true, as to ministries as well. becus like what adiel my jams zone supervisor shared, we cannot never lugi(lose out) when we serve God in minsitries or in other ways.

Ciao! :)

HAPPY FELICITY DAY.

2011-09-06T00:41:00.003+08:00

Thse are the pictures that speaks my day. :)

joy trying to hide behind the bible (pun intended. indeed joy is a hidden treasure that is found in the bible then is waiting to be discovered with the truth)

today is a felicitised day!

i went to my quiet corner again and read the cook call "extraordinary" by john bevere.

i have been chasing that book ever since FOP and went to many shops like tecman and attributes. even precious thoughts and others where this book is all sold out! i almost gave up until i ask chorlin, my friend to lend me her's. thinking that she must have not finish reading the book, it might take meanother long while before i get to read that book. but she borrow me immediately the next day! woah! praise God!

i started reading the book two days ago where i just gotten it from her.

it was great! revelational and the book speaks to me alot. :)

anyway i lost my bible exactly one month ago! 4weeks and 1 day had passed. it made me sad :( that i couldnt find it back. andi mean real sad. my bible is like part of my life and it feels weird without it when its so dear to me. losing it its like losing the past memories with God, and there were so many little notes and highlights which inspires me, encourages me time to time inside there. i couldnt bear to lose it and buy a new one as it might get me some time before i get use to the new font and version of the bible.

this is my 2nd time losing bible. the first time made me really miserable as its given to me buy someone and its my 1st bible ever. i could have said that i went thru thick and thin with it, it contains tears, happiness and lotsa memories!

becus im always so blur, unattentive, forgetful like a sotong, i lost it both times in church. it must have been that when we werestanding up to worship and i left my bible on the chair and it slides down underneath and i forgot to catch it and check whether its in my bag. :/

anyway i wanted to get a new one after weeks of searching but to no avail. but of course deep down in my heart how i hope i could get my lost bibles back, it would have made things so much easier than getting a new one. during offering time, i wrote down o he back opf the envelope like ow i always does. i wrote down, "God, let me find back my bibles or let me get a bible soon".

and guess what, as i was about to buy a new bible, my sister surprises me! joy told me cheekily to look under my pillow and said "da jie, did u drop ur tooth? check under ur pillow!".

i dont know what she meant and was like "what la...dont bother me la..".

but anyway after her nagging i went to check under my pillow and immediately when i saw that there is a new bible that look like my 1st one, i screamed in awe! and inside of the bible, it wrote that its frm eugenia! my dear sister!

yeah im so touched that i literaly cried. yea yea i know its alittle exxagerating but that shows how desperate i am alrdy to get a bible.

yeah! so im happy today! bahahaa. best of all, my sisters surprises me and bought for me!

thank u eugenia! thank u joy (even thou u didnt pay for it). and even thou i dont understand why joy hint with a qn "da jie did u drop ur tooth, search it under ur pillow!".

lol! hehe and these are the pics we took...

Pondering

2011-09-04T22:44:00.005+08:00

these are the recents photos i got and an update to my life. :)

pris, jean and me at the house of joy during the durian national day celebration. what a great day!

sending cousins off at airport. they are going with their parents for a 1 year missio trip! gonna miss the little kids man. awww.

bob bday celebration with joy,mick,eugenia at our house downstairs. whenever mick and bob comes to church i will be excited! its good to see old friends and faithful God's children coming to church together :)

official opening of house of joy- elderly cozy centre. back to the 80s. hehe.

eugenia my cute sis and me at chomps chomps with darren and melvin. a great dinner after cg! and the next pic featuring pastor and daryl at their daughter's birthday celebration. what an honour to be down and celebrating together :)

im thinking, that i should reflect regularly everynight by postings my little reflections here. given my laziness, i hope i can do that. hmm...

i think reflections are good, it gets me thinking whether what i did for the day is worthwhile or just keep me on track on my "timeline" of life.

recently, i have been haging out on my "secret hiding place", nah..actually its just a place where i could sit quietly and listen to some worships and sometimes read the bible and some chritian living books. i like it there. everytime i talk to God there, its enjoyable and refreshing. its a place where nobody will "harrass" me. :)

ive been thinking about whether what im doing pleases God and whether im on the right track that He wants me on. well, but one thing, i need not know the answer because whether am i on the right track or not, He shall bring me back everytime.

during ministry weekend service, i heard from Him that He wants me to step out to join jams church. seriously i was reallyreally hesitant.

"i am busy enough, besides im already in chcsa cope, why God?"

but on the other hand, i am really interested in stepping in as i actually have a heart and am interested to know more about the people in jams.

whats stopping me is the time factor.

well, i went for it anyway.

actually i feel pretty fullfilling, leading everyday doing some thing i like and getting to know more about the special needs people and try my best to help them. have i updated that im currently working in a special school as a teacher? its very fun there i must say althou its tirring day in day out. the kids there range frm 3 years of age to 10 years old. all of them are so adorable and they always never fail to cheer me up haha! some of them,actually most of them cant talk even thou they are way past their normal talking age. some have autism, some have hyper. they all have different varying autism degrees and most cant communicate.

at first i thought that given their young age, how would people even realise they are special kids? but when i went there, i realise that most of them are lagging behind their normal age friends. and the reason why they were send to a special school is so that they can be trained, educated and grow up to be like normal people, being independent and hopefully to enter mainstream schools.

i felt a strong calling or a passion to help them. but with what i know about them, im nowhere near "real help" to them. so i went to the library to borrow some books on autism. and realises that there is a whole deal i haven realise! and thx God for inspiring these authors to produce these books for people like me who are untrained to read them.

i felt bad that my body clock is not back yet as in i cant turn in and sleep early where it actually spoils my morning in the school. i get sleepy here and there and couldnt focus nor concentrate. or perhaps its becus of my medicine drowsiness. becus of this i felt that im not giving my best to the students there. i may not be involve in actual teaching sometimes or perhaps i could even just be there to babysit and doing some miscellaneous stuff, but i feel i should still give my best to them, even thou my minds nag at how little they pay me and stuff.

but all in all, the priorty are the kids seriously. i have been feeling a little discouraged lately when some people ask me what im doing and i told them im teaching in a special sch and they start questioning me about the pay and the job scope and stuff. their reactions may be discouraging at times and makes me question why am i even doing this? often, many people ask me what am i doing now after Alevels and when i told them i couldnt get in any local Uni and am STILL waiting for a reply frm private uni like SIM, the response that i get are sometimes dissapointing as if they are trying to comfort me. all these at times make me question "God, is it all worth it? why am i even here doing these and waiting and waiting?"

i really hope what im doing pleases God and am on the right track. perhaps God has brought me here and made me realise more indepth what kind of social work field i am more interested and called into. i must admit i dont like to teach but i do have a thing with children as i really love kids. perhaps im called into this field? i must admit i really enjoy working in the special sch. what can be better than to work with children- my passion.

today, i went to jams church and help out with the busing. as i get to know more of the people in jams, i grew alittle desperate as i imagine how would the little kids frm special schs cope when they grow up? can they talk fluently like some of them who could in jams? most of the people in jams are adults alrdy and when i see them, i could picture how the little kids will grow up to be doing. the people in jams seems fine and most can talk and comunicate. which is a bliss, for those who still cant open their mouth and speak like those kids in my special school. as most kids with autism have speech delay.

some times when i work thru the day, i really really feel like giving up, feeling unequipped, tired, useless... i feel tired having to go out every day and specially that even weekends, i burn them all off with little rests. i enjoy every saturday morning being at house of joy with the chcsa peopel and elderly, but when i think about even sunday i have to be going out and not resting and chilling at home , i sometimes would feel tempted to give up doing what im doing. "oh God, give me more rest times..."

but at the end of the day, i get the satisfaction and does with no regrets. even thou i feel that my body may be failing me, but the spirit within me is burning with energy!

recently, i gave up another night job as i am at my wits end already, my body is telling me to rest more. on my last day of the night job as i approached the bus stop, there is a blind caucasion uncle asking for directions. immediately i feel the prompting to help him. as i chat and directed him and waited with him for his bus to arrive, i suddenly was reminded of how randomly, and perhaps God brings me to help another blind uncle months ago to bring him to a church and sent him back home. i wonder how he is and really hope he is fine. suddenly i was reminded of a phrase that says something like at time in life we may help entertained angels that God sent down. and i was just wondering, woah, couldnt be man. these uncles couldnt be the entertained angels whom God sent down to test my compassion.

coincidentally, both uncles were blind, both were coming or going to church nearby, both were asking for bus directions. and both speak a word into my life both indirectly and directly. this time, this caucasion partially blinded uncle spoke to me directly these words when i volunteered to wait for his bus together with him. he told me...

"Dont give up. keep doing what u r doing now. dont be discouraged at what people may say. sometimes people will say things that discourages u, but continue to do what u r doing! u will becoe a successful person."

of course at times like these i felt really touched that what amazing things God can do by sending ppl to me to speak to me directly. the uncle hold my head to him and whispered these words to my ear and after saying he kiss my hair as if to comfort me.

i was stunned but not shocked. becus these exact words i heard it not in audible voices in my head, but i felt that was what God was trying to tell me a few times when i grew wary in doing good and feel like giving up.

the last time i sent the previous blind uncle to church and brought him back home, God spoke indirectly to me. when i ask the uncle why he wantedto go 3 churches in one weekend when its so inconvenient for him to travel especially when he is blind and know no one in the church? he told me...

"worship ye su, hao hao. ye su hao hao" (in english it means worship jesus is good, jesus is good).

these simple words actually made me teared and when i see how he worships as i accompany him to sit in for church service, i felt very touched that people of this world who were given eyes to see, cant seem to see God and worship more genuinely and innocently with purity than a blind and disabled man. but a blind man such as this uncle could actually go all out just to praise and worship God in church even thou it costs him so much inconvenience.

it made me realise how much we need to put away everything and just trust God with whatever our circumstances may be. it challenges me that what more could i do, to help or even to serve, given a full abled body given by God?

Thinking about the monday to fridays working with the special kids in kits4kids special school, teaching the special kids music in MINDS and my weekends burn off with chcsa serving at house of joy and jams church, i can grow all weary just thinking about it. but i know, the results is worth it. God's love is worth the risk, worth the wait.

rather than saying how much i have helped these people, i would rather say that they have helped me instead, enriches me, inspires me and motivated me to serve God more and most of all, they brought me closer to God and made me realises God is actually there for all of us, despite our disabilities. :)

alright, tomorrow will be a better day, i shall look forward for more instead of thinking how tirring it would get. for i know all these are worthwhile for the glory of God's kingdom.

thx u Jesus for the strength and pulling me thru everyday's procrastinations and temptations to give up half way and helping me to overcome them!

ciao! :D

to the passerby

2011-08-16T23:22:00.003+08:00

hi passerby, this is regarding and answering to ur question regarding what does God do to those who cause suffer to others.

i cant say its the perfect answer, but i read this on a book i bought.

hope it helps :)

why do ppl often get away with evil and what does God do to those who cause suffer to others?

well, this book actually says that...

"why are the wicked so prosperous? why are evil ppl so happy? u have planted them, and they have taken root and prospered. ur name is on their lips but u r far frm their hearts" (jeremiah 12:1-2)

even jeremiah struggled with the prosperity of evil ppl, u must rmb that becus of sin, life on this earth is not fair. but at the final judgement, God will settle all accounts, and everything will be fair for all eternity. :)

it seems that ppl today can do anything they want and not only get away with it but also flourish. (i get that alot). however God has promised that in his time, everyone will be judeged, evil will be exposed. and the righteous will prevail. God doesnt promise the absence of evil on this earth. in fact, he warns that evil will be pervasive and powerful. But God promises to help u stand against evil; if u do, u will receive ur reward in heaven, where evil will be no more.

well at least that is what i got from the book. i think most imptly is love ur enemies, only when u try to love them, u will forgive and forget. althou its harder than talking, but i must say it really helps.

and finally,
God sees all, God sees all ur afflictions and sufferings, and in due time u will be rewarded.
Genesis 31:42 " God saw my affliction and the labour of my hands".

most of the times, this is what i learnt in life as well, that doing the right thing doesnt pay back immediately.

if we press on tgt in this testing season of sufferings, we shall come forth as "Gold" and as long as we do not grow weary in doing good, in due time we shall reap a harvest.

hope these helps. take care and God bless :)

anyway thanks for prompting me to read further on this!

Ciaoz!

2011-08-08T23:54:00.003+08:00

Today was a great great day!

start off with a wonderful brunch (breakfast+ lunch) at sizzler tea buffet and then with a bloated stomach, went to watch the new movie "the rise of the planet of the ape". what a great great movie that is. thrilled by it and got very attatched to the emotional scenes where the ape was abandoned. wow, the story line was great, the whole movie was thrilling from the start, its just so intense and its not vague at all. nice movie i must say. :)

i thought i would just be going for another round of sleepy movie like harry potter and transformers. LOL. i got so bored in transformers and harry potter that i spot out every single silly scenes just to make myself laugh at something to be worthy of since i pay for it. LOL.

after the movie as i was walking to the mrt, razor tv interviewed me on some weird topic " have u been molested or taken advantaged of in mrt and bus". i tried to avoid the interview aiya, but too bad LOL. my whole hair in a mess, completely no eyeliner nor make up, look sloppy and stuff LOL. why man, why this time! haha. anyway i think the reporter looks quite cute LOL!

after the movie, went straight to an interview for a part time flexible job. surprisingly the interviewer was extremely friendly and we spoke so informally. yea, thats the way man~ HAHAAH!

after interview went to got somethings on my MUST GET LIST.

according to my priorty:

1) JOHN BEVERE'S EXTRAORDINARY BOOK
2) BRITT NICOLE ALBUM
3) GINNY OWENS ALBUM

and guess what i couldnt find the first two. and got my no.3 instead only. but becus of this trip, made a new friendly friend from the christian book store at bras brasah TECMAN. haha, it sort of end the day well where at first i was rather disapointed not getting the book and britt's album. its funny how friendship birth forth from a simple and short conversation. mark was helping me to find the book and album i wanted but to no avail, haha. sort of funny. in the end we click off well and exchanged numbers.

its not the first time i made friends like that, just by talking to them randomly. it ended the day or rather night well :)

today is one of the days where i really let down my hair (pun intended :p), makeup-less,messed up hair, in my usual jeans and tank top, with my about to fall apart flops. i went out whole day and felt like i was shopping with God. haha. its like i went on a date with Jesus. haha.

felt great and refreshed today. no pressure, nth to rush much.

i guess my life, most of my days i would rush here and there, help this do that, pressured must get this right and that in order. so i seldom experienced a day like this. so i decided to spend my last 15mins of my today to record this down, this great day down :)

listening to britt nicole now. really like it. the lyrics especially.

tomorow is gotta be a great day! helping out at the house of joy, at the same time playing for one of the song item with the cajon. guess i really need to own a cajon soon, i cant keep borrowing from my friend.

ciao! good night :)

"let them hear you thru me
let ur words be mine
let them see that ur love
is the reason im inspired
and when given the choice,
may they recognize ur voice.
let them hear u thru me, o Lord." ----ginny owens.

Grace grace grace, its all i need.

2011-08-08T03:13:00.002+08:00

thx u Jesus, i just wanna be found by you :)

why does God give me suffering and blessing at the same time?

haha, its funny the way God works in my life.

this year, in fact this very moment im still experiencing may many setbacks and sufferings yet i dont know why blessings and breakthrus come in at the same time! :)

anyways, God is good.

tonight has been good.

God has been very very very good to me.

becus of his mercy and his grace, im still hanging on.

i hope and pray things will fall into place.

its as if im in a whole year of transition.
wow what a looong time to be in a transition phase.
one whole year!
many breakthrus came, but at the same time many sufferings came.
the breakthrus were very huge, yet the sufferings were also very significant and huge.

Let His will be done, and not mine. :)

I pray He reveals to me His plans and let me not be lost, lost and hanging around.

its been a loong time since i last post a blessing post. usually my blog is all about posts of breakthrus,but guess this year has been very hard for me.

very very very very hard. i guess its hard to explain.
but thx God im still here, im still around for Good. :)

i pray i will be out of this phase soon, and his plans to be revealed, and my life to be going, FOR HIM.

ciao!

All i need is alittle grace

2011-08-01T00:40:00.002+08:00

Inspite of everything, i will pick up and play again.

there are just so many times where we can get so discouraged at that one sentence a person say. we could rehearse it every minute while the person could have possibly alrdy forgotten the remark he/she has given.

whats the point of rehearsing and so mindful of whatever people say?

AT LEAST we did what God told us to do.

so who cares about the negative remarks, the embarassments, the shame, the hardships and the torments?

AT LEAST I DID WHAT GOD TOLD ME TO DO.

all my life i have been running away, running away from this and that.

i worry about this, worry about that.

but the renewing mercy that He gives each morning comforts me.

of course i feel the burden that i should carry the revival for my family.

my only and ultimate prayer: for my grandparents and all relatives to be saved in Jesus name.

if i can bring my whole family to stay in church a few years back, what can stop me from doing the same to get my relatives and grandparents back to our creator, our father?

Lord here i am, send me.

I am not ashamed to be small enough to fit in ur hand.

"All of our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope. All the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there’s someone perfect who might be searching for us. I'm glad that I've found that perfect someone - Jesus."

this powerful, so true and pure statement is made by someone whom has just gotten saved. Her purity, her innocent love towards Jesus touched me.

So who care what u have did in the past, to deserve all that criticizes and gazes, Jesus is here. Here to Love you.

one of the best things in my life that i love to witness, is to see how the lost get found, yet with that little knowing about God, they place all they have in Him. so what more can the older believers do?

that is one of the reason why my best friends are people who are honest and pure. these people are the people whom are like the pure innocent children, who could draw to Jesus so much more than the so called older believers.

Shouldnt we treasure every little blessings He gave us instead of nagging about where we are and how bad our situation is? cus one of the best things in life is to be found by Him.

I know He is in control. and He still is. i trust in Him. so what can tear down my faith and trust in Him. i wont give up.

so what if i feel there is nothing i can do to make things right? He said " its not about u, its not your problem nor what u can do, because i can do anything."

during those almost tangible moments, i thought i heard "there is a reason why i didnt let u get to where u want to, there is a reason why ur route isnt as smooth now, I am using you. Just wait and u'll see."

another britt nicole quote- "How will i know if im alive,if i'll survive, without ur spirit inside. to guide me along,u're making me strong. I'll never feel alone as long as i belong to you and ur son. u're the only one i ever need. and i just want to be, and i just want to be ur little girl. i dont have to figure out this crazy world. " '

ciao! :)

God's grace

2011-07-19T14:25:00.003+08:00

as a matter of fact, im truly where i am by God's grace for me.

putting aside and taking away all the blessings, i ask myself: will i still love Jesus?

for true love is proven only when it is tested, and like job, he came forth as GOLD after being tested, after being strip down "naked" of all he has. what great faith he have!

of course im imperfect, but i chose not to condemn.

sometimes things can be sooooooo soooooo tough that i cant help but to really question God why has he place me in such an awkward and tough phase?

i know the devil will try his means to provoke me : my parents scolding n demoralizing me and stuff.

but what can i really do? prove them i m worth something? hmm... how? they dont really see the sacrifices i make and of course partly im at fault rather.

but after all the self-nagging and questionings, in the end i still chose to hang on to all the promises He made for me.

ts pretty good that things are starting to fall into place now. even thou i still cant see the big picture yet, i know He is in control.

God has been good, whatever i ask fervently he gave me.
i ask for job opportunity in special school as a teacher, he gave me two open doors and interviews. unfortunately, i realise once i step in, there is no turning back for the job given is not exactly part time. the contract is too long and i probably hav to give up my degree education. and besides, the commitment is rather high, which means i may have to forsake my other plans to teach in my own sch innova jc.

but God gave me another open door straight the moment i felt helpless. my ex music instructor from ijc called me to help him out. even thou i have not heard about the terms and how much eh is intending to pay me and stuff like that, i cant thank God enough for this open door! it has always been my pleasure to teach whatever i know about music to my fellow peers.

even thou im still just a student, learning from my current instructor in Timbre on skills of singing, God used me with that littlest i know to teach the people. seriously what i know is like peanuts, and further more im not even good yet. thank God for his grace. :)

and recently i was given the opportunity to sing and help out at a minds centre in hougang together with my ijc instructor. even thou its rather informal, it still felt great as in, i feel happy to interact with the kids there :) and surprisingly, they know plenty of pop songs which im rather surprised! a few kids will just look into ur eyes when u sing for them, as if they r captivated by what u r doing. their eyes sparkles, and there's just something about them :D

i pray and hope more will come into place :)

ciao! :D

Faith

2011-07-10T02:02:00.006+08:00

~still fighting on~

Standing nxt to me is adora, a strong woman who encouraged me alot in ways she doesnt even know. :)

truly, faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. :)

im in a phase of my life right now that everybody think I AM WASTING MY TIME.

my parents "force" me to find a job.

i got rejected for all my appeals to NUS,NTU and SMU. even my application to lasalle as back up plan got rejected as well.

what could be worse than this?

i didnt even applied private Uni. private uni and NIE is my last of my last choices.

yet now im faced with these choice left.

so what worse can happen?

im not saying private uni are not good. in fact i just realised that private uni like SIM are very very very recognized in terms of certs and ranking as comparedto local uni!

ok. the main point is, i really have NO route to take now. i have, physically left with 2 choices (NIE or SIM). But my will is not strong for i m still uncertain whether i really have the passion in these choices, and it really seems like im on a dead end all alone.

nobody can give me any advices, not even the wisest person. my parents cant advice me, they dont really bother to hear out my plans so i didnt really tell them too. my auntie couldnt giv me good advice too, neither does everyone.

because, i realise at the end of the day, what they advice me, are according to the worldy matters and whatever they give me is just wanting me to fit in the society, in the world. but thats not what i wanted. i want to be used by God, i wanna study something or infact work in somewhere, a particular field that He has called me into.

but it seems like so many open doors have been closed that i even question God.

"did i do something wrong? is this a punishment? well is it wrong to chase after what u have whisered to ask me to do?"

i felt so so so confused that i even doubt my calling.

"maybe i heard Him wrong?"

"maybe its just my wishful thinking"

"but how about what He said about the something NEW he is doing in my life?"

"could it all be my imagination?"

but NO GOD, im sure i heard u. but why? why make me go thru what normal Alevel grad are not going thru? why cant i be like any other of my friends who are all going to uni nxt month and enjoying their new free life of studying while i still struggle. why let me go thru this when people who score worse than me, less niche ccas than me could go for interviews and even enter uni when i dont get a single chance nor opporunity. did i score tooooo bad to glorify u? are u asking me to work now? is this a trial? but why does it seem soooooo long and never ending? when will i ever ever ever see the end of my tunnel of "darkness"?

do u think i dont wanna work? of course i do! im near bankrupt alrdy but how can i work now when my future plans and uni applications and stuff are not even settled and plan out? do u tink i can work at ease? my parents and some friends just dont understand.

seriously i realise i dont really have anyone to confide in. some people whom i thought i could ask and talk to, in the end turn out they r too busy for me. or what they replied may be hmmm again worldy? of course im not trying to be "holy" here. but i just wanna make sure i dont wanna go the wrong route that God didnt want me to.

i ask and ask, but why doesnt He answer me? i just wanna follow His will but it just seems that the road is blocked and the instructions are unclear.

"am i wrong?"

when i really wanna hear from Him, i dont. but when i m doing my everyday stuff, he just whisper some stuff to me that makes me think i could be thinking too much. well God is amazing, He speaks as and when He wants and often caught me off guard.

well at least He told me

"whatever route u take, i will still get u there" (but i ask myself, where?)

He also said
"better to have little, with godliness, than to be rich and dishonest" (prov 16:8)

i really did planned my route out alrdy and now, im stopped by obstacles of rejections after rejections, whats more could be worse than feeling unwanted everywhere.

but the Lord remind me

"We can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answer" ( prov 16:1)

" commit ur actiond to the Lord and ur plans will suceed" (prov 16:3)

"we can make our own plans but the lord determines our steps" ( prov 16:9)

sometimes i plan my routes and forgot to include God inside. but He never fails to remind me that im too worldly and i shouldnt be drawn to things of this world for i am in the world but not of the world.

of course, i must admit pride is a obstacle too. i consider self boasting as pride too. so what if people r not looking at u? so what if u r alone? God sees all, He sees ur heart.

i admit im jealous. jealous and envy of many people who are doing way better than where i am now when they may even be non believers and whom i gave myself the excuse that they didnt work as hard as me so as to give me a reason to be envious of their situation.

but jealousy,pride,anger and thinking too highly of myself or even having no confidence at all and also lack of faith only gives a foothold to the devil! so why should i even dwell on them?

i remind myself every morning the first thing i do is to praise Him! and sing his praises! i must tell u its really very hard to praise God when u r feeling down and when everything is not going the way u wanted. seriously. sometimes i even hesitate. but God, if thesed trials can get me closer to u, then why not let it be done unto me as u will?

remind me Lord, then u take broken things and turn them into beautiful.

it does feels like i've been here forever, from the start of the year till now, still lingering. do u see the tears ive cried out when im falling apart at the seams? you never said the ROAD WOULD BE EASY. but u said THAT U WILL NEVER LEAVE. and u NEVER PROMISE THAT THIS LIFE WASNT HARD, but u promise U WILL TAKE CARE OF ME. i'll stop questioning why and escaping cus like the way bird just flies and we cant explain it either too.But, I'll just TRUST U GOD with where i am AND BELIEVE THAT U WIL HAVE U WAY, work ur way. so what if i dont rch my dream? so what if i cant survive? i'll still praise and worship u with all my life!

my pathway now are broken, and ur instructions and signs are unclear. i dont even know the reason why u even brought me here. hadnt i been called to do greater things and be more than ever blessed as ur beloved child? im hanging on to all ur little and big promises, for i know u r not thru with me yet. all these eventually that i do may not be what i would have chosen but let it be done unto me according to ur will. because u never said the road would be easy, u only said u will be there with me and im not alone. so what if all these trials and testings and sufferings could get me closer to u? if it is, I'LL WALK THRU THE FIRE, I'LL WALK THRU THE DARKNESS, I'LL WALK THRU THE VALLEY, IF U WANT ME TO. all i want is ur affirmation. just say it, and I will GO. i wont ask why, i know u have ur reason for putting me in every stage where i am in, just give ur instructions and i'll follow as if they are my life.

now adays i kept feeling what im doing is stupid initially for every task im assigned to do. u know the times where God will prompt u to do something for Him or help someone or encourage someone or even to borrow money etc. and when i really went to do it, i felt so stupid doing it at first cus it felt of course awkward and uneasy. but i will always remember to tell off the devil, "AT LEAST I DID WHAT GOD TOLD ME TO DO." so why should i be afriad, embarass or even feel stupid about it? haha!! so true! at least i did acoording to what God told me to right? :D

alright enough reflections! more mind battles to conquer and more happy days ahead which are uncountable and limitless~~ for when im favoured and in God's hands, what can i be afraid of?

i shall end with a picture of a beautiful woman of God! MY NEW SPIRTIUAL FRIEND! hahah! although i have known rachel for very long, but she is my NEW spiritual n close christian friend now! haha!! she has seen the other side of me who she has not seen last time. the christian/spiritual side of me. and i also hav seen the strong and full of faith side of her too! our relationship is hard to explain. lol! no lah dont anyhow think. not les ah.. haha!! we are very very close friend bestie even before we took God in our conversation. after we took God in only recently, wow! our relationship ah, really FIREWORKS liao. LOL! so glad that our frienship is not anchor on worldy matter and attractions of this fallen world, but its anchored on God. yesh ah~ hehe.

Ciao~!

The abundance of God's Grace

2011-06-17T00:57:00.007+08:00

I fell, and was hurt, but thx u Jesus, for picking me up again with a smile :)

many miracles happen to me! no matter how small they are in other's eyes, but to me, they r important stepping stones in my life. like what the beautiful amanda mentioned in my cellgroup fb page, God cares for something that is so trivial to others but yet so important to me!

i prayed during my trip in kelong. while others were having fun and also asleep. i prayed and wrote letters to God asking Him for things i thought never would have came true. i knew He will hear my prayers. and during the whole trip i was listening to "walk on the water" by britt nicole. the lyrics means much to me and totally apply to the situation i am in. i wanna walk on the water too. thx for chee qing for posting this song on fb! truly u never know what u did could change a person life or influence their decisions. :)

the moment i prayed, i visualise how loooong would it take me to get there, but guess what, God is good. the nxt day when i reached singapore, He surprises me with an open door! but that open door is full of many obstacles! i begin to thank God for offering me this chance i have been praying yet somehow i thought it would never happen? God is good, he answered my prayers right the next day! and guess what, he really did ANSWERED my prayers as in before the night comes.

so many obstacles like im running out of time, i dont know the place, my hp no batt, i dont know the dynamics and techniques of the songs yet, its been 1 year since i last touch the instrument i seem to fear to touch again. i lost the studio no, i needed my sister to accompany me and support me. guess what, all these obstacles ALL HAPPENED! yet i overcame them one by one. the time factor is the one i worried abt. i needed more time to practice, i needed the reporting time to be shifted later... so many thoughts came to my mind.

i ask God for peace and calm me down, im excited yet i keep thinking perhaps i should just skip this audition? anyway, its easier to run away. but WAIT, how could i do that when God has open the door for sth i ask for years ago.

the lyric of the song of "walk on the water" came to me where it sings "what do u have to lose?" truly, what do i have to lose? at most i wasted my trip? at most i wasted my time which i would probably use to sleep -_-"? seriously I GOT NOTHING TO LOSE.

the lyrics of the song came to me singing " s0 u try to play it safe, trying to run away". sure do, i wanna run away. i want to, badly. LOL!

"ur faith is all it takes, and u can walk on the water too" this is defnintely what i will get if i step out.

"step out even though ur heart is telling you to give up" sure do, i have to step out.

so i went and overcame my procrastinations. and guess what, i felt worse after i practice, i felt im downright lousy. so so so lousy untill i cant explain myself.i feel like skipping the whole audition and prac and give up. cus im so so so soso soso lousy. i cant explain how bad i felt then. so inferior and hmm.. just the word lousy. any the ways i went down cus my fren encouraged me to, and i felt that i shouldnt run away, " i have nth to lose" at most i make a fool of myself?

and guess what?! God did exceedingly abundantly above what i wish and prayed for! i didnt expect myself to go this far. i did it! as in i went for it! haha. and i did better than i thought even thou its still lousy. but God did exceedingly abundatly what i expected for! woots!

i imagined if i didnt turn up today, i wouldnt have such results. so thx God for pushing me to go today. i could have run away, but he gave me the strength to overcome my greatest enemy- PROCRASTINATION.

wow. i still cant imagine. i know im still lousy,but i know God wants to pick me up. and i will FOLLOW. a verse came to my mind.

james 4:10
"when u humble urself, God will exalt you "

truly when i humble myself before God, and admit im really nothing without Him, He truly exalt me by answering my prayers.

i m awaiting my biggest miracle in my academic life. and i know he will bring me where He wants me to :)

thx u God for the abundant grace!

lyrics of walk on the water by britt nicole.

You look around and staring back at you. Another wave of doubt. Will it pull you under? You wonder...What if i'm overtaken? What if i never make it? What if no one's there? Will you hear my prayer? ( God will u hear me of all the doubts i have? come to my rescue.)

When you take that first step,Into the unknown. You know that he won't let you go. so what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose? Your insecurities, They try to hold to you. But you know you're made for more! So don't be afraid to move! Your faith is all it takes! And you can walk on the water too! ( i have nothing to lose, for u r the greatest miracle i shall ever share, u r the creator of everything, u r higher and greater than all my troubles. )

So get out and let your fear fall to the ground! No time to waste, don't wait! And don't you turn around, and miss out on Everything you were made for.Gotta be, I know you're not sure, more, So you play it safe, you try to run away. ( i wont run away this time! )

If you take that first step Into the unknown, He won't let you go. So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose? Your insecurities, They try to hold to you. But you know you're made for more! So don't be afraid to move. Your faith is all it takes! And you can walk on the water too! ( i can walk on water too! )

Step out, even when it's storming! Step out, even when you're broken! Step out, even when your heart is telling you,telling you to give up! Step out, when your hope is stolen! Step out, you can't see where you're going. You don't have to be afraid! So what are waiting, what are you waiting for? So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose..? Your insecurities, They try to hold to you. But you know you're made for more! So don't be afraid to move. Your faith is all it takes! And you can walk on the water,walk on the water too! :) ( i will STEP OUT AND GLORIFY YOU! )

ciao! xD

God is Good ALL THE TIME :D

2011-06-11T03:50:00.006+08:00

Hey ppl! This is the new me in my NEW ARMOUR. (muahaha!)

Things has been tough for me.

Especially when the date of the interview/audition to lasalle is coming and that the date of appeal results are coming out.

But what can i be afraid of? seriously, God has taken care of everything. Whatever the result is, im sure that is what God has planned for me. For He is doing something NEW with my life right now in ways i cannot see and may not understand now

i got so much to catch up and do. and so many things to attend to, so many frens to catch up with, so many things to help out and plan. i cant split time and i m not good with maximising my time. but Im gonna trust God he will open up pathway for me, more open doors for me even thou i only have that short 24 hrs a day.

truly, when I TAKE CARE OF HIS KINGDOM, HE SHALL TAKE CARE OF MINE. ( my problems my struggles). this is rather true.

i struggles with music theory and serously i have no background at all. im like hmm.. super super lousy in music. wah thinking abt it i felt so inferior and totally small to the max man.

but im gonna just give it a shot. its now or nerver, and most imptly, when He has decided on sth, what can possibly stops Him?

i wanna thx God for still using me, even thou im like almost nth, a lousy servant.

he used me in ways that shock me.

what? God? u want me to still do these even thou u had long ago saw how i bad handle it back in my previous zone? why am i always being called to do the same thing? why me? what god? u still want me to lead? and even shine when im not very good?

all the more, im happy He has chosen me and use me. infact im honoured He chose me. but seriously these thoughts come to my mind like how little i am, yet He still wanna make use of my small gifts.

Thank God for not giving up on me. i must admit i m truly nth without the grace of God.

I AM WHERE I AM BY THE GRACE OF GOD.

u tink im good? sorry i gotta tell u, thats a facade. God is making me look good , im just taking his credits.

i gotta admit my biggest flaw. im PROUD. im so proud that i can boast even to myself BAHAHAHAAA. ok la enough. im proud that i forgot He is the one that made me look good, not me. I AM WHERE I AM BY THE GRACE OF GOD.

its just contradicting. in some areas im totally proud and confident and maybe over confident, but in other areas fears and intimidation just overcome me. i gotta balance this man.. i gotta.

Daniel 10:12 NLT version
"Then He said, "Dont be afraid daniel, since he first day u began to pray for understanding and to humble urself before ur God, YOUR REQUEST HAS BEEN HEARD IN HEAVEN."

There is no miracle too small. Dont give up on YOUR EXPECTATION. ur miracle might just be one that SHAKES HELL.

I WONT GIVE UP. i will persist in prayer and wont let go of his cloak untill He answers my prayer.

well i dont know whats my next step in life now.

All is well and i depend on God.

ciao! :D

MIRACLES UPON MIRACLES

2011-06-04T02:25:00.007+08:00

~My Blessed Week~

This is a summary of how my week had gone. this is a post i posted on my cellgroup group's wall which very much sums up my thoughts.

"Hi cellgroup! Hope all of ur week has been good! I just wanna share sth. Im officially rejected by all local universities! NUS, NTU, SMU rejected me for my ABD/D grade for Alevels. Its a hard reality for me to accept seriously. I was so depressed for 2 whole days after my last letter of rejection came. I dint approach anyone to talk about it, but just prayed and really broke down infront of God. I don’t even wanna talk to my mom nor my close sisters. I felt downright lousy and useless and i felt that there were injustice in this world that people who could possibly score worse than me and also did not put in as much effort, still got in Uni. I felt super duper lousy.

But it was only for 2 days, after praying and hearing from God, i began to speak up to my parents and faced reality. My parents were encouraging and im rather surprised! Even my grandparents! I thought they would look down on me. I drown myself in the word of God as much as i could. I felt so safe in his presence, knowing my future is in his hands, not mine. I cried out many times that “LET UR WILL BE DONE AND NOT MINE” so that i may fufill my calling and not just live my way the glorious way i want it to be. I felt that the worse has happened to me, and i am not afraid anymore for whatever that comes my way for i have faced the biggest fear in my life already!

Never have i felt so much joy in my life! People may think im crazy, i don’t get in U yet i get so happy. But seriously im rejoicing everyday and praising his name when i wake up everymorn. I felt so energize and joy just began to fill my heart so much that i felt nth is gonna stop me from tumbling down anymore! For the worse has happened. I felt that i grew stronger. In cg mtg last week, seeing everybody praising so happily and sharing, i felt so happy, joy just filled my heart so much so that i felt that i dun feel a single grief of the failure that i had.
Many verses pop up in my mind every now and then. They are...

Isaiah 43:18-19 But forget all that- it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do SOMETHING NEW. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

Haggai 2: 18 I am giving u a promise now while the seed is still in the barn. Though you have not yet harvested your grain, and your grapevines, fig trees, pomegranates and olive trees have not yet produced their crops. BUT FROM THIS DAY I WILL BLESS YOU.

2 Corinthians 12: 9- 10 Each time He said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the POWER OF CHRIST CAN WORK THRU ME.. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses and in the insults, hardships, persecutions and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am STRONG.

Galatians 6:7-9 Don’t be misled- you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always HARVEST what you plant.

Job 23: 13-14 But once He has made his decision, who can change His mind? Whatever He wants to do, He does. So He will do to me whatever he has planned. He controls my destiny.

I felt God telling me that He is doing something NEW with my life now, even thou i cant see it visually, but He assures me that He will open up my wasteland now to open doors and breakthroughs. I felt God’s grace is all i need. Nothing is gonna stop Him from controlling my destiny for when He has made His decision, NOTHING CAN STOP HIM. Even if more obstacles will come, i know He will surely provide me with the strength i need for He knows the way im going, and when He has tested me, i will come forth as Gold.

Im depending fully on God now for my future, i do not know where i may be heading now, but wherever He leads me, i will follow. Im not ashamed to be rejected by Uni, for i take pleasure in hardships. For I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work thru’ me.

Sorry for the looong naggy post. Well i look forward to cellgroup mtg again and hope this blesses u for the week that WE CAN TRULY OVERCOME ALL WITH CHRIST. People and the world may fails us, but God will never fail us. I am truly experiencing great and abundant joy now and hope u guys feel it too in the midst of ur respective mountains :D "
.........................................................................................................................................................

I wanna thank God for giving me all the strength that i need to pul throught this toughest year of my life. who says Alevels is the toughest of all, facing a route where u have nowhere to turn to is the toughest for me. By the grace of God, i picked myself up and here i am! till praising Him! nth's gonna stop me now :D

i wanna thank God that MIRACLES DO HAPPEN.

1) i finally picked up my courage to visit my grandparents and aunties uncles after 3weeks-1mth of time now meeting them. i knew what they gonna ask me. "how's my uni application". i thought they would despise me, laugh at me, mock me for i am a Alevel grad, to them im suppose to go Uni and if i dun go, i will be a total disgrace and what i fear most is that they will laugh at me seriously. like "felicia finally had her day!" cus they r ppl who like to compare with neighbour and sibing's children. since i "failed to get to U", i must have disgraced them.

but guess what! i prayed before going and God answered my prayers! my grandma asked me how is my Uni application, and the moment i told her i was rejected, she says "go and complain why ur score cnt get in, call the university up! singapore education system like that?!! dont let ppl go Uni! no such thing..." so does my grandpa! he said the same thing! i felt so so so touched. they didnt blame me for disgracing them. instead my grandma say "the most impt thing is that u work hard". WOW. God u surprises me. is God speaking thru my strong budhhist believer grandma? if its is, WOW x100. i did my best and i will let God do the REST.

best of all, both my 3 aunties were so encouraging! im totally amazed! one aunt who compares me to her daughter didnt pour me cold water, instead she just ask me out of concern and im so so so glad! the other aunt gave me solutions of other available Uni which i find useful but i m trusting God more now than the worldy available resources. it doesnt mean i wont go look for alternatives, i still gotta do my BEST let God do the REST. The other aunt who always pour cold water, when she knew i sang at timbre, she played the video so loud in my grandma hse and i felt so embarass at first, but then she began to say good stuff like she is amazed at me! wow! these words came out frm her mouth! God indeed is amazing!

IM COMING HOME JESUS. this is the 1st time i visit my grandma hse after so long with guilt in my heart, yet God surprises me with total five shocking responses towards my Uni application rejection news and my performance at timbre. INDEED GOD IS GOOD.

when i ask in Jesus name, He gave me what i wanted.

2) my father hasnt been very encouraging last time. i dont even know how to break to him the news that im not accepted into any Uni. my mom told him, and surprisingly HE DID NOT BLAME ME NOR SCOLD ME. i think he knew i did the best i could. (i saved him 2 years of sch fees for i went in express stream and went JC). probably on account of my hard work? well, it must be God. again, God did exceedingly abundantly above what i ever ask for! my papa instead of scolding me, he straight away gave me solutions, call up his clients and ask about the available Uni. im touched! whats more touching is that, HE CAME DOWN FOR MY TIMBRE PERFORMANCE! oh gosh! he is the no.1 unexpected guest! he always think "my music is useless".

when i rebelliously bought home a drumset, he said its rubbish. when i watch videos of covers he say waste time. nth about "my music" is sense to him as he felt if only i can earn money with music, he will allow me to do all these. but WOW! my dad came down to support? is my papa proud of me? well he sure must be! the nxt night he told me his client's gf open a record or music company. He told me to burn a cd or upload on youtube for he want to send it to his client's gf to check out my videos and see whether i got any opendoors for performance! wow! i mean i m no into signing contract or releasing album solo or sign up with record company ( not saying im good or anything). but i never thought of that. i wanted to decline my dad's offer, but i felt well, since he offered, i might as well show him my enthusiasm and accept his indirect "praise" to me? woohoo! and he requested to see the video i sang at timbre! and when he see, he begins to comment and say im too stiff BUT i caught the audiences' awareness whereby all of them turned to look at me the moment i open my mouth, and he said that this alone shows i got what it takes already.

WOW. this from my dad? wohooo! i am so happy the crowd that night was soooooo extremely gooood to me! when the live band played, they just ate and talk instead of looking at the stage but when i played, THEY ALL TURNED AND FACE ME SUDDENLY?! AND CHEERED! WOW! seriously i am so amazed at what God is doing! its not like i sing very well or what. before i sang, i prayed for annoiting to come upon me and that favour of man may be upon me as well. and wow! i forgot lyrics yet they cheered for me more than ever?! wow i m simply amazed! what i am most amazed of is that my OWN FATHER ACKNOWLEDGE MY PASSION AND TALENT.wow! which means he SUPPORT ME! WOW!

my mom has been extremely supportive. i felt i did bad to her as i complained to her stop spreading the video to her collegues of the song i sang at timbre as i felt embarassed or sort of shy? and i question her why she keep replaying my song every single time and listen to it repeatedly in the train on her hp! i shouldnt have stop her, i felt bad. i have such A GREAT MOTHER! I should thank God abt it as my mom support me mentally ( althou not financially)! i mean whose mother will listen to their daughter's voice and replay it over n over again at home and on train? wow. THANK U MOMMY.

......................................................................................................................................................................

i kept thinking thinking about what sha shared in cg mtg about what we will never know of our impact on others. this poem my bestie friend rachel link me to, basically sums up what sha said.

YOU NEVER KNOW (POEM)

You never know when someone
might catch a dream from you.
Or something you say
may open up the windows of a mind that seeks light;
the way you live may not matter at all,
but you never know, it might.

And just in case it could be
that another's life, through you,
might possibly change for the better
with a better and brighter view,
it seems it might be worth a try
at pointing the way to the right;
Of course, it may not matter at all,
but then again, it might.

-unknown

WOW. so had i impacted someone? or cause someone to come closer to God? or be more open up to Jesus?

i guess i had! just like how my bestie friend share and inspires me, i guess i sort of encourages her indirectly to know more about God too and now she got a testimony to share to me even before she accept christ! she felt God's love alrdy.. im so glad! another way i think i had encouraged someone to show her talent is thru my daring post of my awkward singing live videos. i sort of guess that my fren posted her songs too becus of me? ppl need to see someone breaking the ice first before doing it themselves. and im glad to be the first to break the ice :) and btw! my that fren responded to accepting Christ! wow surprises me! long story, but im somehow touched by her faith even thou it is only mustard seed small now, but it can overcome all mountains! and i met up with a fren who just broke up with bf and left church. well i hope what i says to her truly encourages her and impacted her! :D

we never try we never know. we might have impacted someone by that short remark or sentence we say. its either MAKE or BREAK it. so say something encouraging instead of using our sharp tongue to shoot ppl down which i need to constantly remind myself. :)
wanna share abt another stufff but guess im tired alrdy.
NOTHING IS GONNA ROB AWAY THE JOY I HAVE IN JESUS. :)

So thankful for my supportive frens who came down to support me for my 1st time singing live in timbre. seriously its really casual and its like nothing. Bur the holy spirit reminds me that i should not despise my youth and what im doing. :)

ciao! xD

2011-05-21T02:35:00.003+08:00

Isaiah 43:18-19
"But forget all that, it is nothing compared to what i am going to do. For i am about to do something new. See! i had already begun! Do u not see it? I will make a pathway thru the wilderness. i will create rivers in the dry wastelands."

maybe its sth that im not seeing? for His ways are way beyong my ways. for i cant understand his wonders now.

I pray that He will guide me and comfort me.

Psalm 27
THE LORD IS MY LIGHT AND MY SALVATION. WHOM SHALL I FEAR? THE LORD IS THE STRONGHOLD OF MY LIFE, OF WHOM SHALL I BE AFRAID? WHEN EVIL DOERS ASSAIL ME TO EAT UP MY FLESH, MY ADVERSARIES AND FOES, IS IS THEY WHO STUMBLE AND FALL.

Well it is much difficult to accept reality, realities are worldy and unjust, but it is Him who place us there for a purpose, "For he knows the way that i take,when He has tested me, i WILL come forth as GOLD. "--Job 23:10

Putting on the shield of faith

2011-05-20T02:12:00.012+08:00

~my Good and beautiful week~

Thx God for a wonderful cellgroup :D they are so understanding and more than what i can ask for. i feel so blessed being in this cg :)

This is me and my bestie friend! shu rou! she's so fun to hang out with and she understands every single joke that i crack which not everybody understands. nobody else can ever replace her! :D

its still the same girl incase u r wondering. we LAUGH tgt almost ALL the time. :D

This is me and my another bestie friend RACHEL. xD she knows me inside out. Thank God for such a NICE FRIEND WHERE I CANT FIND ANYWHERE :D im hard to tolerate but she accept all my flaws! i simply LOVE HER.

hello this is me after so loooong.

ok here goes...(its boring, u could glance, skip, do anything u want, or just browse fb and just

listen to my alarice-midnight train track.) LOL.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

what am i actually doing? im chilling too much for my own good. not working, not studying not doing anything. im doing exactly what bruno mars is singing " today i dont feel liek doing anything".

well i like chilling at home, occasionally helping out some house chores, using my laptop watching some good covers of songs sung and played or jammed by some ppl who r yet to be discovered.

well i enjoy playing sports with my friends and just sweating all out.

well i like to practice on the guitar even thou it seems like i am playing a few rubber bands beign tied to a box. ( thats how bad i am)

well i like to sing a little at home and also just immitating some ppl's voice ( which can get quite addictive over time)

but i...

do not like working (having to do the same stuff over and over again)

do not like to step out of home to go some place i dont like knowing i would dread it.

do not like to hang out with ppl whom i tink would be ratehr boring and NEGATIVE.

i do not like talking to ppl who are so downright negative, they turns me off immediately. ( i am not talking abt depressed ppl, but more of those who put the word "die" and "fail" and "wont la" on their lips all the time) but im definitely trying to engage them as much as possible to spread some POSITIVITY to them.

so what i am tryign to say is that...

I AM JUST WASTING MY TIME AWAY FOR THIS HOLIDAY.

i cant exactly say "wasting", becus this break, i TOTALLY DESERVE IT.

for 15 STRAIGHT YEARS OF MUGGING WITHOUT ANY TUITION without any help frm centres yet to climb myself up to express stream, and to JC. dont u tink i totally deserve this looooong break that ppl say im wasting? i may never get it again in my life (especially in this worldly earth which always talks abt work)

i feel rather recharged alrdy and have confidence and FAITH that i will defnitely do well in Uni. right now im just waiting for my uni application results.

HONESTLY, THIS ANTICIPATION IS KILLING ME.

im so scare, everynight literally im tinking of my future.
almost every night i just tell God that im assured that my future is in His hands. and I will follow wherever he wants me to go and do.

but definitely i still got the chills tinking abt what could probably happen that i don not wish to happen.

i do not wish to even mention abt what could possibly be the worse to happen.

cus i believe that what i THINK, SPEAK, VISUALIZE AND CONFESS definitely can change what is gonna happen. in other words, im refering to pastor yongi cho's "4th dimentional living" book. its probably the BEST BOOK I EVER READ.

ok so, mommy and frens, pls stop asking me where would i go and what would i do if....!

cus when God has called me to this area, it MUST be it.

i mean, He is gonna help me to get in, He is greater than any problem that i may face.

MY GOD IS GREATER, MY GOD IS OVER ALL! :)

ok ppl, pls stop scaring me. and pls stop asking what worse could happen. dont even think abt it.

FAITH IS THE HOPE I HANG ONTO TO BREAK ME FROM MY FALL.

ISAIAH 43 :18-19
"but forget all that- it is nothing compared to what i am going to do. For I am about to do something NEW. See, i have already begun! Do u not see it? I WILL make a pathway through the wilderness. I WILL create rivers in the dry wasteland."

When i read this verse of course doubts come, this is definitely due to my "this level of faith" which has yet to over pour. But it defnitely somehow assured me that He will make a way for me.

"God will make a way, where there seems to be no way" ( even thou times seems to be running out for me)

Let me share u a verse that i read it almost every single day on the train to sch for "ALEVEL TRAINING".

haggai 2:18-19 (NIV)
"Think about this eighteenth day of December, teh day when the rebuilding of the Lord's Temple began. Think carefully. I am giving u a PROMISE NOW while the seed is still in the barn. You have not yet harvested ur grain, and ur grapevines, fig trees, pomegranates and olive trrees have not yet produced their crops, BUT FROM THIS DAY I WILL BLESS YOU!"

THIS DAY! how absolute can God be! every day i read this and this reminds me that THIS DAY HE WILL BLESS ME even though i cant see any roots sprouting out of what i had sowed.

I hate that im a worrier. FELICIA, u r definitely not a worrier. spirit of worries, let me tell u, u r nth compared to what my God is gonna do for me! :)

i guess confessing really helps, helps alot in realizing what has yet to happen.

let me recap...

Pastoe Cho mentioned that

1) thinking(sowing the start of something)
2) faith(believing)
3) dreams(visualizing)
4) words (confessing)

are the factors that influence what is about to happen, from the fourth dimentional realm and penetrate it into the 3rd dimentional realm.

now, im questioning myself, what am i waiting for? i need more work on the faith factor. i do think, i do dream i do confess. But to tackle and raise my faith level, i definitely need to equip myself with the word of God.

MUCH TO THINK AND PRAY HUH...

ok Ciao~!

i'd rather have Jesus

2011-05-06T02:04:00.009+08:00

(i) I feel safe in the centre of God's will

Its rather true, that there is no where safer to be than to be in the centre of God's will.
well this sentence strucked me. strucked me pretty much
that it got me thinking ABOUT MY FUTURE
mm... i get so easily discouraged (even thou i look strong), when ppl ask me

what course i want for Uni. when i replied "social work", ppl say"u sure not? it entails more than u think, r u sure u r up to it?"

or they would reply

"LOL u sure not? do u know the salary is very very low?"

so usually i will just say "oh im applying for psychology"since its simpler to understand in "their sense".

infact my family members will sort of pull me down or pour cold water on me by saying " why not chose psych, since it pays more"

or my dad will say "stupid, study so much do this?!"

And my uncle expectedly says "u no need to study untill degree to do social work"

or "do it as ur passion part time but not work"

hmmm... but i have long decided before my Alevels that social work degree

course is the one i wanted. or if not, im called for it by God.

its not exactly the course "i wanted".

i wanted glamorous career, high salary, comfy and stress free environment.well social work is the entire opposite of what i want. but ppl dun understand why i told them i want social work. well if i write on it will never end.

there are so many instances where God whispers to me that i HAVE TO DO IT.OR RATHER, I JUST HAVE TO BE IN THIS MARKET.

there r just so many many instances i hear this over n over again.

it felt calm with no pressure.

sometimes i chose to run away from this whisper that calls me to obedience by turning my head around to face somewhere literally or just think abt how glamorous it will be if im in this course or that course or this job or that job.

but somehow, something always pull me back and reminds me that

hey, I JUST HAVE TO DO IT.

ITS LIKE HOW? I ASK GOD.

hmm.. GOD answered "u do ur best, I DO THE REST"

WOW I HEAR THIS ALOT OF TIMES SO I SORT OF LIKE IGNORE.

but man, i know deep down in my heart la, that its sth Im being called to do even thou its not my choice la. somehow i develop a passion for social work and visitations gradually too.

weird right.

there r so many doubts, like

HOW MUCH WILL I BE PAID?

BUT MY FAMILY LIKE GOES ALL THE WAY TO DISCOURAGE ME

ESPECIALLY MY GRANDPARENTS AND UNCLE SIDE.

AM I GONNA SURVIVE?

CAN I COPE WITH THE STRESS?

WHAT IF PPL LOOK DOWN ON ME?

WILL I REGRET LOOKING AT PPL HIGE LUMP SUM OF PAY CHECK

WHEN MINE IS LIKE ONLI LESS THAT 40% OF THEIR'S?

WHERE CAN I TURN TO WHEN THERE R SO MANY OBJECTIONS?

hmm.. i "bluffed" myself say, eh why not psychology? pay slightly more

and its a good deed anyway to treat mentally illed patients.

hmm.. but something somehow always pul me back with the conclusion

"SOCIAL WORK" IS THE COURSE I ULTIMATELY HAVE TO GO"

seriousli ah, what can i do with the degree anyway? --- biggest doubt

but today i heard

"THERE IS NO WHERE SAFER THAN TO BE IN THE CENTRE OF GOD'S WILL"

WOW.

since God calls me to do it, i must be in the centre of His will right?

THEN IT MUST BE THE SAFEST ROUTE TO TAKE!

i shouldnt doubt anymore like how dangerous getting into that course could get me..

like the salary range,

the objections i face

the personal doubts of my capabilities..

cus GOD WILL TAKE CARE of this route he calls me to be in.

IN OTHER WORDS,

THERE IS NO COURSE SAFER THAN TO TAKE THIS.

becus...

IM IN THE CENTRE OF HIS WILL.

(ii)Talking to my old man in the mirror?

today i got back home and i was like " oh man, i spent so much within these few days"

with all that sister's bdays and mom's bday coming...

im broke liao la.

cus i give no mercy when i buy gifts.

oh gosh.. how ah?

scarli need to stay home for 1 mth cus no money go out liao.

silly me.

DIDNT GOD PROMISE THAT HE WILL TAKE CARE OF MY WORRIES

WHEN I CAST MINE ON HIM?

so why am i still worrying sia.

so i literally told myself in the mirror just now when i rched home that

"i'd rather have Jesus, than to have...

all the riches in the world"

i told myself...

"Since i have Jesus with me, why am i worrying?"

"He will provide for me surely"

"i dont care about riches and glory cus ultimately my purpose..

is to glorify Him and His kingdom

If i always think abt getting rich, wont my finances be my IDOL?

surely thats not what i want.

I told myself in the mirror that

i rather have Jesus than anything else.

i rather have him than a famous fun group of friends to hang out with

i rather hang out with Him.

i rather have Jesus than all the money that i can have.

cus my happiness comes from Him.

i rather have Jesus than a glam job.

I RATHER HAVE HIM THAN ANY OTHER FRIENDS THAT

I COULD HAVE THAT COULD EVER REPLACE JESUS IN MY LIFE.

i mean seriously pastor is right, why mixed myself in the world and

contaminate myself with earthly sins and GOSSIPS?

if ppl talk, i should just walk away and not contaminate myself with it.

so what if those ppl who talk abt it are the "cool gang"

it doesnt mean i must yoke myself with them.

cus ultimately its Jesus i wanna be with.

(iii) Take away points from ezekiel bs

# we r what we are by the grace of God. (not by our own strength)

# dont trust in ur own beauty or talent (cus God gave u it, not by ur own strength )

# if anyone touches me, he is touching the apple of God's eye

( bahaha so funny! cus im the apple of God's eye)

#Idol is anything that takes the place of God ( so get ur heart right)

# dont let the words of ur idol be more impt than God's word

#in a crisis, will we rely on the grace of God to sustain us

or reject the grace and allow hatred and bitterness to enter us?

#all trials are permitted by God and designed for our promotion (spiritually or breakthrus)

#lover of pleasure or lover of God?

#in severe troubles, God wil lalways give us a door of HOPE

so that no temptation or trial will overcome us"

recently i feel discouraged althou i picked myself up alrdy,

but i feel that whoever is reading this, might find this useful and relatable.

i felt discourage cus i felt that how come as a believer, im suppose to shine and get blessed more, yet i see my non believers friend getting "promotions" like getting to the Uni when i haven got any news yet so far, and they get the course they want and the scores they want inspite of anyhow submitting their choices. and the more sad thing to me during that period is that, these ppl dun even seem happy or cherish that they enter the course cus they think its normal or they deserve it totally. its like, if i were them i would be overjoyed la. they treat it like normal routine when others r yearning to get in while nv getting in, in their life time. how come ppl r so hard to please and hard to be satisfied?

then i felt life is unfair alittle. but usually in this kinda situation i pick myself up pretty fast. thx God for the bible.

the world is so unfair and injustice at times but...

"REALISE IN THIS UNCERTAIN WORLD, GOD IS CERTAIN. TRUST HIM AND KNOW THAT HE IS GONAN PROVIDE EVERYTHING U NEED BECUS HE LOVES U. DONT WORRY ABOUT WHAT U DONT UNDERSTAND JUST DO WHAT U THINK IS RIGHT. AND LET GOD TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING."

i will end my post with this beautiful song we sang today.

i's rather have Jesus than silver or gold.

i' rather be His than have riches untold.

i'd rather have Jesus than houses or lands.

I'D RATHER BE LED BY HIS NAIL-PIERCED HAND.

chorus

than to be a QUEEN/king of a vast domain.

or be held in sins dread away.

i'd rather have Jesus than anything else.

this world affords today.

i'd rather have Jesus than men's applause.
i'd rather be faitful to his dear cause.

i'd rather have Jesus than world wide fame.

i'd rather be true to his holy name.

bridge

He's fairer than lillies of rarest bloom.

He's sweeter than honey from out of the comb.

He's all that my hungering spirit needs.

I'd rather have Jesus and let Him lead.

ciao xD

beginning

2011-01-06T00:35:00.003+08:00

well. here i am. rather enjoy my new job.

but, its rather tirring with such looooong working hourse from 8 to 5pm.

but the kids are so cute to resist! well some are rather hard to handle which require some shouting and scolding which i hate to do. i hope my voice get back soon!

basically i just handle kids between primary 1 to 6. there's one little boy whom i must admit i showed favourism haha. im specially good to him and showed him more concern. he's super duper cute! wel; at least to me. he look like a big baby cus at primary one, he is rather big size. but he's rathera softy inside. haha, he cry and say he is scare of teachers. he eats rather slow and walk very slow too. he basically just keeps himself in his own world! he is so innocent that the mment i saw him fell for him lol! today he cried becus he wanna get a drink but he say he dont wanna spend his own money but he wanna use "teacher's money". haha so funny! maybe he thoughts meals are provided by teachers like what happen in kindergarten. he thinks 2 dollars is 2 cents and he says that his papa only give him 2 cents and he doesnt wanna spend it cus he scare the vendors would not give him back any change! haha. he's just so cute la and need special attention.

well, inthe childcare there are rather many kids who require special attention. i suspect one with mild depression and some cry easily.

the number of kids cry average about 5 to 6 each day.
and the number of kids that fights are usually the same few who do it everyday.

well i gotta thank God for giving me this awesome experience with kids. im not exactly good at handling kids, cus im rather a softie and try my best not to shout.but when i do, yea, i do it like how i"fight with my sister" lol!

handling the kids make me misses my sisters sooooo much that i just wanna go home and spend time with them especially my 2 youngest sisters. after seeing so many cute kids right, i still love my sisters the BEST!

so im trying to get my life organise now. now that i get a job, its time for more serving and more independent time with God. hmm...

well, i misses rina, she talked to me today on fb. yea, misses the zone frens whom i dont see now.

well she told me that true faith is tested in unfaithful times. and yea true. i think the reason why im still in church surely gotta do with my attachment to him even thou i think that im not spiritually strong. i kept on, even when i dont feel like it seriously. like what bob said, the reason why we still come back goes to show that we still trust in him and still hope in him somehow. we r still trying to figure out althou it may take long, but we have each other with us :)

alright enuff reflection, ciao!

all i want for xmas is PEACE!

2010-12-24T02:17:00.003+08:00

AFTER SO LOOOOONG, I HAVE FINALLY DECIDED TO REFLECT AGAIN!

seriously, i owed Jesus a huge thank you. i owe him alot of precious quiet time! i owe him alot for always being by me even thou sometimes i felt i drifted.

wow. i had realized i've been in church for 4 years! and where am i now? i felt like im in nowhere, after all these years of "cluster ldr/cgc", i felt like i was back to square one, a new friend. well i enjoy being it actually but sometimes i grew sick and wish better days will come. the past has really gone! completely lost touch. lost touch with ex cg, xue en, dev and pastor. well, its a good thing actually to move on :) new friends, new years, new life, new school, new job.

now i really owe a big thank you to Jesus. and i know just how to thank him. but im hesitating. well i gotta be frank if im reflecting.

all i want for xmas!

1) a call from the spastic association of singapore, telling me that i get the job of 5 days work week with a 1.6k salary!

2) peace,celebration,no quarrels with family but just PEACE. no anger, no grudges, but only laughter.(that also means no entertaining of negative thoughts!)

3) free time and open doors for my passion!(music)

4) more devotion, and get my butt kicking to join a ministry(CHCSA), instead of just saying soon, but NOW!

5) love, wishes, presents,joy!

all i want for the new year 2011 is...

1) move to a new home and get my own room, and a new drumset! i would definitely love a jamming room at home! it always get me excited thinking abt this! :D

2) the best Alevel results that i can ever get!!! the same joy i felt during Olevels!!

3) an acceptance into FASS in NUS! (SOCIAL WORK)

4) a steady job with a high pay hehe.

5) a fruitful life serving God in ministry, more faith in him and no longer dependence upon myself but Him.

6) this is a wish and goal every year: for my grandparents to come to JESUS!! seems hard, but...seriosly very hard... but im gonna force myself to confess that "if i never try, i'll never know! and especially that i have the authority with me that thru christ, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!

7) greater strength emotionally, greater endurance emotionally and physically. no more negativity.

8) open doors in my passion in music and more! and greater growth!:)

merry xmas Jesus. im sorry for forgetting that YOU R TRUELY THE REASON FOR THIS SEASON. :)

merry xmas everybody!

2010-08-11T23:23:00.002+08:00

i'm tired somehow. drained. this songs speaks to me!

I feel like a little girl ( i dont think so myself, but my mom always say im childish)

Trying to conquer the whole *wide* world

Everybody wants a piece of me (hmm? nope)

And I just don't know where to *turn*

I've got work piled up to my head

All I want to do is jump into bed (yes uh huh!!!! totally!)

And wash away my troubles with lemonade

Play hide and seek with the boy next door (i've got no boys as neighbors)

Take a trip to Singapore (i love s'pore!)

And imagine how i'll make the world a better place (i wish i can!)

All I need is a good disguise (yes yes!)

One where nobody can recognize

That I'm feeling so small (yea..)

All I need is a secret weapon

I've gotta have faith (my weapon!)

Zapping monsters into outer space (zapping obstacles)

I'm gonna be a Superhero (ireally wish)

Na-na-na-na...

If I were a little girl ( i alrdy am)

Trying to clean up the whole wide world

I'd kick the bad boys back to school (yes!! i would love to!)

Teach them fighting's just not cool (fighting eww)

I'd give every kid a teddy bear

Turn starving people into millionaires (not exactly, i will do sufficient for them, millionaires will make them more demanding of this wicked world)

Break glass ceilings with dynamite

Sprinkle a little sugar and spice

Turn the bullies that terrorize Into pink poodles

that bark but don't bite

All I need is a good disguise

One where nobody can recognize

That I'm feeling so small

All I need is a secret weapon

I've gotta have faith

Zapping monsters into outer space

I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na...

Little Superhero GirlLittle Superhero Girl

Save meLittle Superhero Girl

Little Superhero Girl

Save me from myself

I feel like a little girl

Trying to conquer the whole wide world (i wanna!)

oh btw this song is by corrine may. go and listen to it.

its a COMMAND BY FELICIA.

2010-08-11T22:58:00.002+08:00

~graceful week~

fun has started! fun has ended! no, it just marks the beggining of the fun route that im embarking now towards my Alevels. i figure it out. figured out that i cant be just so pessimist abt this Alevel route. well, not just enjoy every last bit of it?

Corrinne May is just so wonderful. her song, her voice, her music just heals.

a few distractions came along as i went for my kelong trip with family. urgh.. nasty distraction after it. and im still in the aftermath of it. it just runs in my mind..i cant get it out. well i CAN, soon. tmr perhaps :)

wasting time thinking abt living in rural areas away from the busy life in city and town. but right now i need to get my focus back!

aims: 1) Alevel result ABC

2) control temper

well there are so much more aims and targets on my wall in my study room. but i cant say it all out. shh...

well lets move on to the fun part! visualizing the plesant future :D

after alevels,

1) SOT

2) CHCSA

3) reading up more on related courses social work etc.

4) part time job that pays!

5) music embarkment! learning more :)

6) oh yar, keeping fit too. long since i last run. seriously i hate running. i'll get over it eventually!

GOD BLESS YOU with a wonderful week ahead :)

GOD's way.

2010-07-30T00:40:00.006+08:00

what can i say, God has been good.

to be exact, good is not the perfect word. kudos to Jesus!

so much that He had worked out for me.

greatest of all, thru Him, i found my strength, my talents and gift.

compared to others, it came alittle late. but to me, He is never too late or too early.

He is just RIGHT on time.

things that i ask for always seems so long and far before i could get it.

but when i got it,

i realised He has carefully planned it just so that i can enjoy every piece of it at its best

and at the right time.

KUDOS TO GOD!

He brought me thru the wilderness of my prelims.

he cleared my doubts that i hav within me.

i've come forth although not shining my best,

BUT I KNOW HE HAS THE BEST FOR ME AT THE LAST.

KUDOS TO GOD!

when others are mugging in the canteen and at home in the evening,

im practicing hard for the concert with guilt that i may lag behind in my studies.

but He comforts me that its my time to shine and there will be time

to rest and to catch up.

afterall, He is the creator of all,

HE CAN PULL ME BACK WHENEVER HE WANTS,

just a matter of whether i ask.

KUDOS TO GOD!

my parents changed their views about me and my gifts from God.

KUDOS TO GOD!

i surprised all.

KUDOS TO GOD!

He taught me to be humble and to use my gifts wisely and

no for my own pride.

so much happened but all i can say is that...

THANK YOU GOD, FOR USING ME.

fear stirred within me just a min ago when i heard from my frens

that mdm chitra was mad at me for not turning up in school today.

why?

cus she reminds me of ms Ng last yr who gave me a tough time during PW.

but its not her fault, she wants the best for me.

im afraid...afraid that the same thing would happen again like PW.

i dont want it to happen again, its like a nightmare to me.

but then, God turned that nightmare around when i relied on him.

i got an A.

could it be that i have to go thru the same pain before i get my A?

im not prepared. not even mentally.

but with God, i think i am.

if i have to go thru again to make the impossible a possible,

i would say, i wouldnt mind that 3 months suffering.

actualli im lying. im really scared!

i pray that He will bring me thru this. i know i cant do this without him

and i m not prepared to go thru these alone.

certain burdens flood me. im scared, afraid, burnt.

i have weird dreams.

i miss my grandparents, i want to go back to the past where we were still under 1 roof.

now i can only visit at most twice a week.

i miss all my relatives and cousins.

yet i know i can only look forward.

i wish i can quickly grow up and earn loads

and help support my grandparents and give them the greatest life they deserve!

my ah ma eyes are bad now, God heal them.

im selfish, i dont do the best for my parents

while they should be the one im giving the best lives to.

1 wish.

eternal lives for all my family especially my grandparents.

and there's only 1 way.

THANK YOU GOD.

i believe in miracles.

perservere

2010-06-28T19:23:00.003+08:00

finished the 1st paper today! yes finally. a good start. so glad i went thru it.

no matter what the results turns out, it will be a lesson learnt. :)

thank God for pulling me thru the torturing 3 hrs. yea!

back.

2010-06-27T14:25:00.003+08:00

im so glad and excited that Pastor Kong is back preaching again today!

thank God!

it has been a great week. Pastor's message not only has wrapped up a great week, but also has prepared me for a even greater week ahead.

the greater our God, the smaller our problem.

thats right. nth is too hard for Him

Greater is He who is in me than he who is of the world.

im ready for the week of prelim exams and whatever papers that come before me.

im gonna leave all the unnecessary negative thoughts and words behind.

thrash them away.

no more PROCRASTINATION.

no more panics.

but more faith.

more muggings in faith.

Isaiah 43:18

But forget all that- it is nothing compared to what i am going to do. for i am about to do something new. see i have already began! do u not see it? i will make pathway through the wilderness. i will create rivers in the dry wastelands.

5km of bare ur sole

2010-06-07T14:26:00.003+08:00

had a fun day on sat! joined the charity BARE UR SOLE WALK. walked 5 km bare footed.
as usual, always had fun with my class.
i've never been in a better class than this man!
a crazy class of girls.
i've never been in girls school, but i felt like i was now.

after the walk, my leg were sore and pain :/
walking on road is pain man!
especially that the pace is slow..
its alittle spikey after walking.

seriously, i finally understand how the poor felt when they r barefooted.
for that whole day, my sole was almost numb.
i felt like i was walking on rocks man.

i stayed over at my aunt's!
went over after attending service 2.
i pray that pastor kong is fine...
he must be tired, but with the Holy spirit renewing him, im sure everything is just gonna be fine.
after listening to pastor phil's little speech, i felt so touched and teared a little.
what he said was very true.
indeed his speech was very encouraging!

during this period, we must all stand strong and not give up on hope.
we must renew our faith the more when the devil is trying to steal away our's.
i see many of my members drawing away,
there seems like little that i can do.
they've changed.
so do i.

this is the time where we need to come tgt and pray, but they're not here.
im not perfect. there's not much i can do.

anyway the night at my aunt's house was a great one.
i recalled the time before i knew about Jesus, and how i got to know Him thru my aunt.
its great man, to have aunts who care and introduced me to Him.
i spot many interesting books in my aunt's cabinet!
many books on faith,revelations,mission trips..written by many prominent authors.
woah i feel like grabbing one and spend the night finishing them!

her room looks like the perfect room to pray alone.
how i wish i have my own room like that where i can study in peace, pray alone without distractions.

these few days i have been thinking much about the end time.
in fact i dreamt about it.

haha, pretty funny.
maybe its becus in these few months, the news has been repoting so much.
on wars, conflicts between countries.
the sink hole where the building collapse within the earth.
disasters like earthquake.
its what the book of revelations talks about.

kinda scary. during the 5km bare foot walk, i asked my christian classmate about end time.
she said if Jesus were to come now, it would not be a good time. "i'll prefer if he comes after Alevels, so we can study in peace."
Haha.. we cant chose the time.
like what pastor robin harfouche said about what her kids whine about "can Jesus come after we get married? we wanna have kids!"

i dreamt about the end time. where i knew a good fren and he or she brought me to a underground hideout with my family to stay away from the upstairs disasters and wars. lol!
and me and my sisters are like so happy to have a new place to stay and we started rejoicing and decorating the place. LOL!

but like what bible says, when Jesus come, we will be taken up, we wouldnt need a place to hide.

guess what, i went to my aunt's church the next day on sunday!
its my very first church. it felt good to look at the small family in he church. the place has changed alot.
the pastor preached on sth that have been on my mind.

guess what! yep! u got it! its the LAST DAYS.
he said sth. "the best calendar is the Bible!"
we wouldnt know when the last days would be.
it could be a thousand years later after the millenium reign
but it could be NOW too! becus its said in the revelation that when Jesus come back,
ppl wil be caught by surprise.
nobody knew when would it be.

do i rather believe in "2012" ? no, i believe in the best calendar, that is the bible.

i bought a book! a book which i thought i will need.
by pastor Yonggi Cho. "Prayer that brings Revival".
im gonna read it soon.

Ciao and God bless! :D

much thinking.

2010-06-02T21:12:00.003+08:00

ive been lazing arnd.. for too loong. too much... too much for my own good!

no this is not the way to start a thoughtful post.

hmm...pretty discouraged at times. especially recently.

i just feel so lousy of myself. i feel that i have accomplished nth. or if have, not much to mention.

i feel like im like a overgrown kid.

at 18, im suppose to be thinking like an adult, acting and working like an adult.

im suppose to achieve some things.

urgh..i feel so useless. unaccomplished and urgh... just lousy.

still studying in JC. urgh.. im still studying! i mean u do expect ppl this age still studying.

but i consider that 18, still relying on parents for money, seems very..

very dependent. im not even working.

18. sounds like a rather old age still asking for money. i suddenly realised this.

i suddenly realised i had grown. im 18! yet im not helping out at home, but still taking allowances. urgh!!! i wanna earn big bucks la seriously. hehe.

and thinking that i gotta finish my education only after U, which is like latest 22, i still have 4 dependent yrs ahead. 22, is old. urgh. coming out of U, doesnt even guarantee a job. and if u get a job after U, it doesnt pays for all ur hard years of work studying. spent so much money and time in education. yet not all is used in ur JOB. argh...

studying. education is just a qualification. i wanna a achieve sth, young.

not after U which is like 22. ahhh! its quite late then.

yea, everyone say "marry a rich guy and enjoy life". if that exists, who wouldnt want. LOL.

cmon girls, lets face it. work for ur future. not waiting for this ideal guy. study. not studying for ur parents, but STUDY FOR UR OWN FUTURE.

seriously la, what can education offer. both my parents are perfect testimony that with low level of education still guarantee great earning jobs. are they discouraging me to study now? i've got no choice. i just got to. if not, i'll just lose out, or hang on the fence half complete.

my dad only have primary school education yet with his hard work, he's earning loads now.

he's been naggy "study so hard also doesnt get u earning bucks" . trying to say that he's earning much now without a educated background. contradicting right? at the same time he ask us to study hard and not waste the money he pump into our studies.

urgh.. i feel so dependent. i wanna be cut off from this reliance. i've never taken any tuition classes in my whole life. to have gotten this far, ive done it all becus of God. He gave me all the wisdon that i need. i wanna pull thru this irritating Alevel which is bugging and slowing down my progress in life. becus of it, i cant pursue what i want. yet with it, i can pursue more. how paradoxic.

i wanna pursue higher without being overambitious. can i? without Him i cant. only with God, i CAN.

ok enough of all my complainings! :)

life is not all bad. the greener pasture is still on my side all this while.

in my growing up years, i realise God has been so, just so good to me. i dont Know how to thank Him. he's just so..soooo extremely good to me.

i realise in every family, even in every little divisions within family, God places a chosen one inside. i didnt knew this. untill i thought back. in my strong-bhuddism-belief-family, it was my mother and i, who brought the whole family back to Christ. in my auntie's family, it was my cousin. even thou her family have not yet been saved, but things are pacing. in another grand-uncle's family, it was my auntie who stood strong for God. in my maternal family, it was a neighbour who brought my mom's sisters to church.

i realise all these christians in the family are often the only one who believe in christ, being "persecuted" often too. i wonder how they pull thru this. sometimes it seem so hard being the only believer in the family, and i admire the way they deal with things. but yet, God is good. these ppl are always the ones who are the most prospered. not only financially, but their positions in the marketplace and the respect that they gain from the society and in family. i find it so hard but yet when i see them succeeding, i know i can do it too.

all of the believers that i mentioned in my family have built their own family already. and i just saw my aunt's wedding photo. she's married to a guy she knew frm church who's so quite a few yrs older than her. she's so happy. my mom's sis is also married to a guy frm church too. she too, has been leading a prosperous life. i feel so happy for her!

so much thats gg thru my mind yet i cant type it all out at once. so glad to see my sis joy performing in ping pong musical during Asia conference. so cute..she dances the wushu part. when her scene is over, she immediately demand to clear off her make up. lol.. she dun like to wear dress either. hmm.. this little sister.. gladys did the opening cheerleading dance for childrenchurch part during the first nite too. awww.. i was in overflow room. but saw her anyway on the screen.

sth that cheered me! i found a antique and pretty retro sling bag at grandma's hse. i ask her whether does she still need it, and she say she can give it to me if i like! yea! its nice! eugenia wanna snatch frm me. haha. its classic man. pass down frm my grandma to me, of course i will treasure it. furthermore, now retro style are back. the bag is still usable. haha!

tmr! im gonna START studying. haven been doing much. awww.. get going felicia!

isiah 40:31 but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.

with Him, when i run, i shall not be weary! :D

im gonna crush it.

2010-05-26T02:08:00.002+08:00

i'm gonna crush it.

crush all the hindrances, all the distractions and all the temptations.

sth have been bothering me untill the point that i find it hard to focus,

to zoom in to studies.

anyway, im gonna spank it, and leave it behind.

just half a yr to endure, and im off!

off to my promised land,

another joyous adventure!

nth is gonna stand in the way, if there is,

still, i will trample on it.

especially not relationship.

tmr's GP prelim! :)

im gonna DO it!

run the race in faith.

3hrs T.T

5pm :(

its like the big day of the year, and awww...

perhaps i'll take cab with bob.

a long day tmr.

probably at night 11 or 12am will get home.

Asia conference, here i come! :D

Thx God for motivation!

God i ask for wisdom for GP!

Ciao. morning and God bless :)

live it to the fullest

2010-05-23T00:45:00.009+08:00

~ My Gorgeous Week~

one thing that inspired me today.

early sat morn, woke up at 8am. obligated to bring joy to church for asia conference musical practice. 3 hrs back and forth. a sacrifice! LOL. sacrifice my sleep. tomorrow another 3 hr to and back from church. its all worth it.

anyway thats not the point. i sat in the main audi and watched my sister practice the wushu dance. kelven was there as well. he so cute la. fighting in the scenes of the musical. the moment i step into the hall, this little boy caught my eye. i was asking his maid whether she have any idea where my sister should report to for wushu dance. while we talked, i saw the boy looking quite pale and sick staring at the stage and the other kids.

then, during practice break time, thier children church teachers distributed london choco rolls to the kids. he took 2 of different flavours and wave it in the air with his arms stretched up. he jumped with joy in the air and laughed, as if he he had gotten the best treasures on the earth. looking at how satisfied he is, i smiled to myself.

i pointed to kelven the little boy and told him he's quite cute. and kelven said he's not like the normal kids. i thought what could be wrong with him. a minute later, i saw joy communicating and playing with him. i joked with joy as she played so rowdily ," eh, u playing or bullying kor kor?"

then i ask, what is she doing cus i see her gesturing to the little boy. joy then told me that the little boy cannot hear and cannot talk.

then i realise he is deaf and dumb. oh, so thats what kelven is talking about. joy continued that the teacher dont allow him to join in the wushu dance becus he cannot hear what the teacher is saying and instructing him. then i thought to myself. how sad it is that he cannot dance when he wanted to glorify God in the asia conference

joy said that just now she gestured to the boy becus she want to ask the boy sth. wow. joy always have a way.

then i thought to myself again. its tragic that u canot hear when it is so impt to listen to the beat for the cue of when to do certain moves. u cannot hear what the teacher is instructing as well. u can only follow what u see, and mimick the othe kids.

i observed him. he look so happy and look so normal. infact he look happier than the other kids. he kept running down to the stage and dance the ending move with the others. perhaps he is allowed only in that scene. when the teacher instruct who should go left and right, he just followed the crowd. when he dance, he dance so excitedly. he grooves better than the rest despite hard of hearing! he have great timing too even thou he got no cue. hmmm.. there's definitely sth about this kid.

all of a sudden a revelation came to me in a still small voice that the boy is perfectly lovely and normal in God's eyes. his weakness is strength in God's eyes. and who says he is gonna remain dumb and deaf forever? NO! God is gonna strike him one day and HEAL him totally from inside out! and he will become a living testimony to all. all his uncertainities are planned by God alrdy. H've got great plans for this kid. he's gonna shine one day, for Him. i know and i know and i know that his potential will be maximised one day, and when those who mocks and despise him will see how he lives victoriously with God, will turn around and bow down before God.

sometimes it hurts me to look at ppl who are not maximised to their potential. the day i went to support the tchouck ball Adiv, i observed sth that inspire me too. after the match, me and a few ppl went to have dinner tgt. when wen hao left the trophy on the table in the coffeeshop and we went off, the cleaner auntie came and held the trophy up and examines it carefully. i saw her and tried to figure out what she is doing. oh she is looking for 4D number!! thats what i interpreted, nobody knows what she is doing too. i smiled at her and told her that there are no 4D only "2010" on it. she didnt reply me, i thought she don't understand chinese. she gestured to me. wen hao came and told her in hokkien that there are no 4D numbers too. this time, she replied but with no words coming out. she echoed "ehh..oohh arr" and gestured with her hands. this is then i realised that its not that she cannot understand chinese, its that she cannot talk as she's dumb. she made gestures to us as if thanking us and make a thumb up sign. i felt so warmly touched that this little trophy that she sees could amazes her and gives her hope. she's easily satisfied.

deep in my heart, i thought that she could do greater things. she's just not maxmised due to the weakness that ppl see in her. i felt so touched that she is easily satisfied and love life. its such a heart warming scene. i pray her weakness will be seen as strength not just in God's eyes, but in all of our eyes. a little appreciation is all it takes to encourage oneto run, for a whole life time.

just like what i see in the little boy today, i see strength, hope, humility, happiness, satisfaction and a life full of joy in that auntie. both of them have a common trait. they serve, as long as they r given a chance to.

when i look at the little boy and then i look at joy, i felt that my family is tremendously blessed that four of us sisters are born and bred up normally. we get whatever we want. God is good to me and my family. there must be a reason that ppl are born to be defected. definitely God will use them to show that He will not shortchange us but strengthen us. thru healing them, ppl will see that He is the strength that we need, the hope that we have.

when im weak, i often wrestle with God, questioning why he allow some things to happen on me. but without fail, God always strengthen me in the end and i could use my experience of how i overcome obstacles thru God, to encourage ppl. my weakness always become a strength in the end, and every weakness have a story to tell, to encourage and to inspire.

i thank God for using me, and i pray that we shall be maximised for a greater cause! :)

oh yar im quite unhappy that ppl always thought im joy and gladys' mother when i bring them out. perhaps of my dressing, i look too mature. today brought joy to the library and the librarain thought i was joy's mother and when i told him im only 18, he looked shock. LOL. do i look that old? the other time, its even more absurd. 4 of us sisters cab down to church and i paid for the cab fare cus my mom deposit the money to me. the driver ask "all 3 ur daughters ah?" what?! eugenia look older than me lor... shhh....

look carefully at the last kiddy looking lady.
thats how i look in school. do i look like a mother? NO!

wait till ai ling sees that i describe myself as lady. she will scream, " u lady-like meh?!"

haha ok, Ciao and God bless! :D

dawn

2010-05-18T03:22:00.004+08:00

yea! i had finished my first and my last task for tonight. i mean this new morn dawn.

i only manage to complete my reading for geog! woah, underestimated atmo topic. so complicated that it took me so long just to read and understand the lecture.

so late alrdy, not much time to complete the other revision tasks. .

thx God tmr, i mean today is another new day to finish them up before meet teacher for consultation..

good night and Ciao! xD

nocturnals

2010-05-18T02:00:00.003+08:00

its night time, where nocturnals come alive!

my dad is busy working at his trading and investment stuffs. sitting infront of 2 computers filled with charts and graphs while talking on the phone.

eugenia is busy revising for her exam. probably physics. cornering herself att he dining table.

me? i am in my study room, enjoying the music while studying. actually to be exact, im just finishing up my unfinished homework. i need to work, triple harder. teachers are so good at discouraging students even when she did her best. well, thats a uncertain fact. but God is always certain in times of uncertainity. im gonna do it. struggling? yes of course. stress? yes, u bet. but with stress and struggles comes pressure. with greater pressure comes positive motivation to move forward. stress is good, pushing me. yea. im currently "enjoying" stress now.

im gonna keep track of what im doing tonight!

first up, finish up geog revision on atmosphere. im lost in lectures!

secondly, gonna finish up reap econ essay!

third, gp esaay on science and tech.

fourth case study of econ if i still last.

fifth, if i really haven die yet, im gg for revision for my econ essay qn 4 on international trade which i think i probably just flung it not long.

ok off i go!

Aspirations

2010-05-15T12:38:00.013+08:00

~my pacing week~

I began my Saturday morning by reading some inspirational blogs!

Guess what, i found some, and they are pretty interesting and encouraging. Some blogs came from my school mates, and it changed my perspectives of them. Some people look simple and from the way they talk to u, u may just think they look very superficial, but alas! Their blogs talk about really engaging and inspirational topics. Wow. This taught me not to judge which i often did without knowing. First impression often causes many including me to judge.

I’m trying to expose myself to more genre of songs... remember what inspirational Boon always say, we gotta be more expose to more, and not just “Paramore” to learn more and be a true musician. Come to think of it, the way he say it its quite funny...hahas. i guess i’m too much into jazz, that even my friends say when i sing rock songs, there’s still jazz in it. hmm...

i bought 2 albums last week. Intro them to my frens, and they said its nice too!
One by MYMP, absolute acoustic. Man, i gotta say, she sang really sweetly, it makes me feel that im in a jazz bar. Lol! The other album by 3pm, our church Indonesian band. Woah, they were really great! Even thou its in Indonesian language and i dun understand, but i really feel the presence of God just through their music.

oh i just realise these 2 albums are produced by indonesian bands!!

MYMP from indonesia too!

I’ve collected my very own Holga camera’s pictures! Hmm.. what can i say.. its not up to my expectations, but nevertheless, its still sweeeeee! Ok here goes!

as i look up from my corridor of my new hse, this is what i see.

i just love the sky. it produce wonders!

this was taken from my corridor too.

a school which is quite abandon as its closed down alrdy. this is the school where my uncle studied and met my his girlfriend! btw he just proposed! after 10yrs being tgt. lol! successful proposal! ps. my uncle is only 26 this yr. mr chua thought he was 30-40+. lols!!

Holga is manually controlled. that's the fun part, where i can take a few shots within 1 frame. here goes what joy took with it. she took a picture of eugenia, our gate and our bicycle. and thats what came out. abstract right? i call this the fortunate borders. where eugenia is smiling happily trapped inside a gate with a bike. lols!

this is nth much, just a candid shot of gladys and joy.

i should had used the colour filter!

gladys used the yellow coloured filter on me.

this effect is better than the usual white flash.

hehe, my cousin zayne accidentally blinked. and it turns out quite cute actually!

the negatives.

i kept the other pics in this small album.

oh yar and some random photos of my grandparents, hehe.

my ah gong, old gong gong liao. 71 this yr if im not wrong. hehe.

he got much nicer smilley shots in eugenia's digital cam.

i took it without ah ma's notice! this is how she look at home.

i got much prettier shots of her when she smile and dress up when she go out.

even thou she's old, but i must say that all women love to dress up. come to think of it, she's not that old la. just 63.

for mothers' day, i gave mom this daisy, it lasted till today! and it still looks beautiful.

The sports heats in school really stirred something within me. I mean not to further my training but it got me thinking. Last yr, i gave myself way too much pressure to run. And that i lost my passion in running. My 4 yrs in sec school in track team and cross team were full of excitement and i really learnt alot back then. My speed and endurance drastically improved during those years. During my last yr in sec school, i gave my best for nationals cross country. our track team is a combi of both long dist and short dist. And thru that cca, i felt that we left a legacy behind in school. We were a very bonded team i gotta say. During my sec 3 days, we went out almost every weekend to watch movies and just have fun at somebody’s hse. Perhaps becus of our bond, we worked hard tgt and we all did well!

In sec 4, my 2.4km timing was around 11.40mins. of course its not good, but i felt great as i improve, with improvement, comes achievement. When all cca has stopped training becus of prelim for Olevel, we still train. And we stopped training in july just before prelim for o level. Many people say we r crazy, as in studies and Olevel should come before our nationals. But i felt that as long as we can balance, that settles. And my Olevel results proved them wrong. but after my nationals, i stopped training. Completely stopped. And 7 mths without training, my endurance fell drastically! In jc 1st yr, my 2.4 timing really was a shock to me as my timing deprove alot. My passion fall and i no longer grew interested in running which surprises me! This sports heats stir within me images of the past, my track team, my cross country team in sec school. Well, its pretty pleasant to think of them.

i found my race' number tags for the past yrs! thx God its still there for memories! :)

Yes! Beside proving to my classmates that i can balance my sports and my Olevel well, i proved all the non-believers in my class wrong too! most of them are my frens but they would still question my faith, tell me that i cant get good grades for Olevel becus i spent too much time training and that i dun have much time to study. Many people question whether i can do it, they know im Christian. And they started to “persecute” me of my faith in God.

I tell them “my God CAN do it for me”.

Of course i have to study my part as well. I dropped Amaths, and many “persecute” again. “why u drop? U have 1 less subject to score well to get into poly or jc”... many ppl started questioning especially on my faith in God. They know i go to church every weekend as our cellgroup in school grew and more people join, and most of them were invited to our church before. So i guess thats how we started. They started to ask, how are we gonna cope if we keep gg to church during weekend.

I wanted to tell them “if i dun go to church every weekend for God’s presence, i don’t know how am i gonna cope”.

That is the year where i depended on God really really much. My faith broke thru to a whole new level. My results surprises my non-beliver friends! Yes! All glory unto God!
This yr, Alevel, i gotta place the same faith in God once again. But, for an even greater cause!

Faith+work= perfect.

I keep this equation in mind. I have the faith, but i dun have the work. Thats my problem now. Im tooooo lazy. Too lazy for my own good.

im glad i have great frens in class who motivate me to study. very glad. all smart girls i must say. hehe. this yr, without guys in our class, we thought we would be quieter, but no. the truth is, we talk more, and grew noisier. oops. for the first time in my life, i felt like i was in a girls school. hahas. good experience.

today, i gotta make a difference! im gonna write down what i have to do today. here goes!

1) 1 reap essay of a) and b)

2) 3 geog essays for consultation

3) 1 gp essay for consultation

4) 1 lit essay on TIOBE hmwk

total 7 essays to finish up.

i wish i can finish all of them!

yes i will! if not, it gonna make me feel even lousier in school work.

ARGH... I CAN DO IT!

Ciao and God bless! :D

inspiration driving. motivation seeking. desperation moving.

2010-05-09T20:52:00.013+08:00

~my restful week~

i needed desperation. i desperately thirst for desperation. its the key to drive me to study..im not desperate enough to study. im dry. needed inspiration, motivation to drive me once again to chiong ahhhhh.....! these are the things that i paste on my study room wall, just right infront of my study table. so that whenever i look up as i study, i can look at my goals and reminds meto move forward. lots of pics right? thats my habit. pics and colours always works for me. lol, my sister tried to copy me, pasted her goal too.

im weak in language.. and thats why i worry now :(

all my papers that im taking requires me to write pile of essays! and language stands quite a portion.. i need to improve! bob always give me wake up calls unknowingly. he said to me today that i look very free as if i dun study, or not working hard enough. cmon its sabbath!! i wanna enjoy and relax. thats an excuse of mine la. i know i have tons of work to do when i get back home, but i wanna free my burden before the Lord. i dun like to get distracted especially of work in my mind, when im enjoying. but what bob say is true. i spent time on things i shouldnt. like decorating my stuff, which i love to! aiya i just love designing... i couldnt regret now, not gg to NAPFA. i couldnt, cus i can only look forward now!

went to church today! eugenia emo-ing in long trip of mrt. sshh....

she tried to take a pic of us tgt. i tried to smile but to no avail, i got ulcers on both side of my cheeks inside. it hurts to smile. thx God can laugh. hehe. so i gave an emo face.

gave joy spelling just now. took a sneak pic of her!

went for dinner an hr ago. took some photos. here goes. :D

joy demanded to order some fries. while i waited for my fried fish milk soup. am i right at the dish name?

we played alittle at the playground. how i wish im still in pri sku!

nice right? so candid! thats gladys playing.

model joy.

wow, i didnt know the flower look so big on my head. looking for a clip to pin up my fringe and found this pin which i bought and didnt use much.

aint this nice?!! i took this! the lightings so beautiful! maybe i exxagerated.

spent quite alot this week. bought alot of bday presents! bought ajay's,melvin's,eugenia's,mom's....spent almost $200 bucks.. bought a guitar for eugenia, but mom kept saying its like i bought it for myself.. cus i was the one who keep playing. lol!! cus eugenia wanna learn guitar so i bought her one to encourage her to learn. i myself not very good at it. infact i only know a few simple cords. lol! i'll stick to drums and singing. at least alittle better than strumming and plucking.

mothers' day! i bought a daisy for mom, and she thought was an orange sunflower. lols. and i bought a birdnest mask. i seriously dont know how to surprise her and reward her for all these years of upbringing. her bday is coming! i give all my wishes to mom! :D

i love to jam..i look forward to more breakthroughs in my passion.

look forward to more acceleration in studies!

God, i trust in u. i just need another verse, and im ready to pick up, throw behind, and run!

psalm 34:19 the righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.

"realise that in this uncertain world, God is certain. Trust Him, and know that he is going to provide everything u need becus He loves u. dont worry abt what u cnt understand. do what u know is right, and let God take care of everthing."- notes frm my NIV bible.

romans 8:31 if God is for us, who can be against us?

james 1:5 if u need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to u. He will not rebuke u for asking.

haggai2:19 YOU HAVE NOT YET HARVESTED UR CROPS, BUT FROM THIS DAY, I WILL BLESS YOU.

next things to buy on my list.

1) portable fan to bring to school. weather hot man!

2) God's promises and verses book which i saw in trumpet praise. great book to remind me of His's promises so that i can look forward !

3) a pouch to put my handphone, ezlink, ipod. my bag is so disorganize!

4) pens which eugenia intro me. nice to write! suit myugly handwritings! haha..

this portion is dedicated to the visitor who commented on my post :)

thx alot for ur comment. u know, through what u said, i felt so encouraged! to write more and wittness for God. i will continue to write more on my challenges and how i overcome them with Jesus. i hope u too, will find reliance and rest in God and have a wonderful walk with Him with peace. i can guarantee ur life will not be a bed of roses, but with Jesus, u won more than half the victory, the rest is up to ur control, discipline, prayer, persistence and of course optimism to fight the battles ahead of u and come forth as Gold! lets have a happy and restful walk with God! Our walk with Him will definitely be a fruitful one! for when we depend and trust in him, he will reward us greatly. i pray that u will experience breakthrough in ur life too! :D

CIAO and God bless! ;D

gladys ambitious photos

2010-04-18T22:37:00.004+08:00

my sister gladys wanna show off some of her skills. here goes. (cant expect much. its a phone camera. she'll be happy to see this ltr thru eugenia's itouch)

photo credit: gladys the great MUA HAHA

2010-04-18T22:12:00.003+08:00

i got the toy camera that i wanted! yeah!

its exp for its cost price but i love it. actually online it sells from a range of $90- $100. i bought it straight from the shop at $105 to avoid postage fees and all that hassle. im glad i got it! china sells it for $40 only la! lol. next time go china buy loads and sell in spore. lol, thats what all the online sprees do.

the film is really hard to find in normal kodak and fujifilms outlets. i had to go to peninsula to get the film. i got the black and white film and the coloured film. even the film is costly than the usuals. guess what! even sending the films to produce the photos is costly too! normally it cost 30-50cents per photo but for this Holga 120 GCFN, it cost 70-80ents each photo to be produced.

its indeed costly in the long run man. i hope the effects come out nice! gonna keep a collection of the photos i take so that i when i grow up, i can show my kids and tell them im a photographer when im young. LOL! nobody beats rachel in our class in capturing inspiration moments. she takes wonderful pics even wiv her hp alone! so talented! she's getting a DSLR soon!

ytd went to ah ma hse again to eat. now adays i only go ah ma hse once a week on sats. sad. last time when i stay beside ah ma's block, i took it for granted that i can go her hse everyday to have dinner. now i miss those days. school end late and its not convenient to get dwn to ah ma's. i miss ah gong and ah ma!

she cooked duck porridge and served me a A BIG BOWL! and i finished it! yummm...looks disgusting in the pic right? its not trust me. its super delicious!

tmr's gonna be a loooong day. 4 consultations tmr with teachers. 2 compulsory ones for lit and gp. after that staying back to ask some maths and econs qns. jia you felicia! loads of hmwk..gonna end with a disgusting gold fish. disgusting and ugly is the new beauty to me. lol! i dont know why im attracted to ugly things nowadays. even rachel say my frog keychain is ugly literally but i love it. LOL!

puffy fish signing off! CIAO and GOD BLESS! :D

photo credit: deviantart

a wonderful end marks a new adventurous begginging

2010-04-17T00:37:00.007+08:00

~my rushy week~

(ps: thats me running in a musuem!)

this week has been rushy, kinda down towards the end but unexpectedly 2 great news cheered me up so much!

wow! thank God! i still cant believe it! God made me believe whats impossible in my eyes is simply just possible in his's. so much for my cryings and all that during my pw days...

i got an A for PW!!! unexpectedly. God did above and beyond what i can expect.

whole class get As and Bs! once again innova did very well :)

today morning, miss margaret made an announcement that PW result will be released at 2pm sharp. that alone made my heart pound. everybody starts to wooo here and there but only me, starts to dread away. how much i dreaded for this day to come. i became emo the whole morn and talk almost to none. i dont wanna rmb all that suffering and griefs in pw ever again and yet today was the release result! pw is the worse subject i had ever taken. ppl can malign and wrong u so much so that u feel like giving up.

of course in the end i didnt gave up. i perservered and today's result was shown to be unbias. im glad it did me justice. last yr during pw, my grp member wronged me and sort of accused me and stuff. i dun wanna rmb ever again. miss margaret screamed at me thru the phone and insulted me so badly that i feel that it became a personal attack on me. i was so angry and felt so maligned and sosososo unfair that i feel like giving up. cried so many times infront of so many teachers cus of this subject.

when man is unfaithful, God is always faithful. miss margaret mentioned and screamed at me last yr that "i will make sure u would NEVER get the same good grade as ur member!". many ppl think this is a wake up call. no it isnt. infact i feel so maligned and accused of what i did. she dont bother to find out the truth and accuse me of not doing my work when i worked so hard and work my life AROUND IT.

im glad God sees it. and today, a mircale happen and i got an A. deep in my heart i know i deserve this grade and all my cries and hard work had been paid off. but i know this is also a miracle becus God turns the situation around when i thought miss margaret is gg to marked me out and comment on my report the wrong stuff that she think of me. im glad she didnt or whatso ever. thank u God! my results was unexpected NOT BECAUSE i didnt work hard for it. BUT BECAUSE i thought i had already been thrown down becus of all that accuses and maligns that some of my grp members and teacher marked on me. in the end the situation turned around and proved justice for those not being praised in class, for those worked hard behind the scene when ppl dun see it.

after all these pw politics, i still wanna thank miss Margaret Ng for all her efforts. she sacrificed alot. so much!! she lost sleep and lost weight(probably). she look so awesome now. so slimed down! from the way she scream and scold me when she misunderstands me, i can tell that she is a very unbias teacher. even thou she scolds me, but i know thats only becus she took me for an "irresponsible" person. she's actually a very very very nice teacher i must say. but i hope she checked things clearly thru 1st before she misunderstand and scold the wrong person again, so that nobody will end up like me. :)

some ppl complained why they didnt get an A when they think they should. i know how that feels. i know exactly how it feels when i got a C for chinese. but i gotta admit God is the key strength to my success. in my darkest and weakest moment, he always works! however during my chinese Alevel, i relied too much on myself n neglected the truth that strength does not come from me alone but from God.

unexpectedly, what i realise with annabelle of a trend in my class is that ppl who get A in our class are mostly christians. these ppl are the ones that teacher did not praised as much as the rest and often being put down by teacher. out of these ppl, most cried before cus of PW. the main thing is not the cry part, but its that ppl who are not recognized by teacher as "good" did well. is that good? i hope it is.

so much happened in PW. so much unhappiness. sooooo much. i cant explained it, its just so overwhelming and it is one of the phase of life that i dun wish to rmb. it is that bad i can say. but thru it, it made me stronger and realise that the world can be against u and condemn u, but God is gonna sees the truth and reward u greatly for what u deserves. thru PW, i realise and experience so many politics that the business or office work experience of betrayal, lies, cover ups, bootlicker and stealing of orignal work. i learnt so much and i thank Jesus for it.

i will be more aware of this world which always caught me off guard when i thought everything is gg smooth.

2nd thing that cheered me up is that unexpectedly a miracle happened again that i do not have to go for STAR PROGRAM(Sit-There-And -Rot program; a program to stay back to study in a distracting environment)! at first i only pass 1 subjects out of my 5 subjects! wow thats a disgusting grade right? somemore the subject that i pass is literature which is my weakest sub and got an E. very dissappointed!! my fav subject econs which i put in quite alot of effort did not pass :(

but aftr moderation, my geog and econ was pulled up! and in the end i pass all subjects except 2 h1s. yeah yeah! no need to go STAR program! and wads most miraculous is that im chosen to go for REAP program for econs so that teacher can mould us to get an A. thats quite impossible right? and unbelievable! frm at first failing econs to getting a D, yet still can go REAP program! lol!! again, I REALISE WHATS IMPOSSIBLE TO ME IS SUPER POSSIBLE AND EASY TO GOD.

Rachel told me that a word comes to her mind when she sees me now and when she look at my pics. the word is "FAITH". wow i was shocked. why would she think of such a word? anyway i treat that as a beautiful compliment. hehe :)

i realise i look so much fatter and bigger in photos. my mom says so too. some random ah beng ask me on fb whether im pregnant! GRRRRR! ROARR! im underweight actually! hehe paiseh thats 2 years ago. now im 90% balanced for my weight and height. still alittle light for my height.

wanna grow heavier towards 100%. is that a good thing?

nah..i'll stay this way!

so this week has been rather beautiful for me! i had saved up using my 1 week allowance for the camera! yea! thx God once again for increased allowance. i will treasure my happiness which not everyone are blessed to have. tomorrow im gg to buy holga! the camera that i hav been dreaming thruout the week! :D

ok some random pics that i took. 1st time trying panaroma shots with shurou on our phones after buying and using our phones for more than a year. lol! playing with it in school library. i must say i admire jean more and more! she's very photogenic and i think she's perfect to advertise for ASIAN PRODUCTS. she's got the ASIAN BEAUTY. kinda korean look at certain angles. jean, the girl in the 1st shot who is fairer.

this is gladys and joy. took this when i brought them out one day to swim at dad's gym.

"they (the unfortunates, poor and needy) follow each other on the wind ya know, cus they got no where to go"- Michael jackson.

Ciao!

THANK YOU JESUS FOR BEING IN MY LIFE! :)

lets go the kindness way.

2010-04-14T15:57:00.007+08:00

like any other usual day, i hop on the train after school with anticipation to get home asap to get a cool shower. man, its hot for sure. a story began, began right in the train...

the moment i went in the train, i look around for a spot to sit and rest my tired shoulders on. many people came in later than me but man, their actions were real fast! they rushed and stamped their butts on the limited seat. and there i was, standing up with my heavy bag on my weary shoulders :( ( it wasnt so bad la.)

then the next stop, admiralty. yeah finally can rest! a seat! ( yar la, whatever.the auntie attitude) ok so like the others, i sat down and get out my book to read. yeah! new magazine to read. as i flip the pages, i notice an old uncle walking in too. i was about to give up my seat, but a lady beside me did. ( so gracious right..) Then a lady carrying a baby walked in with her elderly mother too. what surprises me was that, without hesitation, the old uncle stood up and gave the seat to the lady carrying the baby. they had a little awkward debate on "u should have the seat, not me". and after which, the lady lost, and she sat down after much persuation from the old uncle. how nice of the uncle!

at once, i stood up and gave my seat to the uncle. but, the old uncle once again push the seat to the elderly woman. (actually she's not old, infact younger than the uncle. around 50. not really elderly). anyway, the auntie was kind enough and let the uncle have the seat. so he sat down.

oh did i mention, there was another auntie with the lady too. probably her aunt or sth. anyway, she's old too. ( there seems like there are many old people taking the train nowadays. the gov should increase the number of priorty seats. lol.) so this auntie, the lady's mom and me stood up as there were no seats.

"khatib". another available seat came. again without hesitation, the uncle ran for that empty seat to give up his seat to the lady's mom, so that she could sit tgt with her daughter and grandchild. she sat down. after which, another empty seat came, i was expecting myself to stand till i reach braddell. but a kind lady B pulled my bag gently, i turned back and she make signals that i should have that empty seat since i gave up mine. (how nice of her) but i was thinking since i can stand, why not just let the others who are more tired than me have it. so the lady's aunt who was still standing then, got the seat.

"yio chu kang". another passenger left. that seat which was empty is just nice beside the lady with the baby. so the auntie left for that seat just so she could take care of the baby too. looking around, nobody else, i sat down at the last empty seat.

all these while, i did not know this whole story scene is captured all in the lady B's eyes. she spoke to me and told me i did a great job and expresses to me how she feel disgusted about young ppl not letting seats to elderly. well i feel encouraged of course. but this is A VERY SMALL ACT which i can help. there was one teen in the train then, who was seated at the priorty seat who did not gave up his seat when he saw the old man pushing seat to the lady with the baby. so lady B told me ppl like him only avoid eyes and continue to pretend to look down. before she alight, we wave good bye.

wow. firstly, im so amazed that an elderly man actually gave up seats to a person younger than him. whats more is that he did it three times. 2nd time he initiated the lady's mom to sit, 3rd time, he move away to another empty seat so as the lady and her mom could sit tgt. that uncle is really amazing.

im so touched that kindness still exist. i wish it still did between the youngs. i wish the world is a better place where there are NO CHEATING, SCAMS but kindness spreading. then the world will be a better place especially for the elderly out there.

i was often cheated for my sympathy for ppl. recently, a lady came to my door and told me she needed $15 for an urgent need. she needed to take cab to tan tock send to see his father and to take keys from him so that she could return with the keys to get home too. she said she was late for work and needed to take cab soon.

of course i suspected her. i suspected as she claims to be my neighbour who move in not long and will return me the money once she get back. i suspected whether the story is true.

but, i still felt that whatever the case is, perhaps she really needed the money urgently. as i was taking my money out, the verse from the bible came to me. " when man ask you to run a mile with him, run two miles with him. when man ask you for ur top, give him you whole cloak". i forgot where this verse is found. but sth like that. this is not just talking about helping ppl, but talking about forgiving ppl even if they ask u to do sth that u really dont wanna do. some day, soon, the person will be touched by ur act of going further for them. and they will change, for the better.

at least this is what i feel, and my revelation relating to this incidence. i took $20 and pass it to the lady, cus i could not find exact $15. she told me she stay above and i did not bother to rmb the floor and unit as i trust that she will return me. even if she wont, i wouldnt mind as much. i feel that if she is gonna cheat, she must be driven to desperation in need of money to do such things. of course not everybody cheat becus they need money urgently, most ppl cheat becus of GREED. greed drive ppl crazy.

I told this incidence to my parents and they scolded me. man, i wish i hadnt told them about it. they call me stupid and blame me and stuff. as if i hadnt grown up. at least i felt what i did was right. my dad criticized me of always buying tissues from elderly. he felt that even if i dont buy, ppl will buy from them. worse still, he have the mindset that he rightfully owns his money and should not share it with anyone unless they help and worked for it. he said this sentence to me before. "i worked and earn my money myself, why should i share or give anyone who do not work for it?". if everyone think i like him, the wolrd will die. i mean the wolrd will be filled with rich ppl and the death of many poor ppl.

i mean we are his children of course he share his money with us. he is true that ppl should not laze instead work while they can and not rely on ppl for support. but, what about the rest who have no ability to work, no ability to take care of themselves? shouldnt we share our joy with them?

whenever i walk past ppl who r suffering, i feel the burden to share my love and care with them. it really breaks my heart to see them suffer yet i could not do much abt it.

i wish there are more caring, fillial and understanding ppl out there. the world will be a better place. is it right for us to discriminate the intellectually disabled ppl like those with down syndrome? they too, are normal ppl. perfectly normal ppl. it irritates me to see ppl shooing from them. sometimes its better to live in lives like theirs, which are simple and lovey. they are very friendly ppl! ever more friendly than u think! well at least from my experience of interaction with them in JAMS church. ( jesus for all mind).

the old, the young, the middle age come tgt and praise God so happily, even more purely, sincere and innocent than most of us out there!

i pray that the world would be a better place. i do not mean that im good or the correct example. infact im mean sometimes too. im not at all times fillial, i do not treat ppl right at times too.but im trying now, with my best to do what i can for these ppl out there. ARE YOU?

im expressing out on behalf of those unfortunates.

i really pray that there is such thing as eartly paradise where ppl can love each other and help each other in times of need just like they were blood related brothers and sisters.

start holding hands.

untill next time! ciaos and God bless! :)

2010-04-12T21:55:00.003+08:00

It has been a wonderful and beautiful week!

went kite flying.

btw i went shopping and holga camera caught me! i simply love it! i love vintage style cameras especially non-digital. its more authentic. :) may be getting it soon. the pink or the mix and match coloured one. its pretty cheap! $105.

these are the effects that it creates. i seen a phtographer on tv using this camera to capture pictures for her gallery. wow it looks amazing. it may not be better than a digital cam, but i love the design!

Ciao! and God bless! :D

swim at dad's

2010-03-31T21:48:00.003+08:00

intercontinental hotel. here's a place for us to swim! ok sweee. althou its kinda small and personal, but i kinda like the view :) wanna go again. always busy that i cant go with my family and sisters. my sisters have been there for many times and this is my first time! its always like that. during my exams, they venture with my mom to fun stuff like prawn fishing and stuff.. awww! the last time i fish for prawns, dad onli book 1 fishing rod! and our whole family includind 1 cousin and ah gong have to all share it. its like 8 persons 1 rod? and dad dominate the rod. sian..even ah gong say sian..

papa's exam just ended on sunday. i pray that he passes! God! i pray that he pass his house agent exam!!!

last week and this week are a short one! so fast tmr is gonna be the last study day for the week again. yeah..movies movies! craving for clash of the titans! 3D! wanna watch with my parents leh. they also wanna watch. today they went out tgt. mommy claims "i haven been gg out with daddy for more than a month alrdy". everytime when she say that, means no tagging. i cant tag and follow along all the fun stuff they do man!

i wanna travel travel! i've only been to malaysia and thailand :/ but im not that sad. i mean im satisfied that at least i have travelled before. not everyone gets the chance. althou i always here frm my frens that they travel 3 times a year, every sku break. or like that kangming! 9-10 times to hongkong! man.. the place that i wanna and really really wanna go is ITALY! the leaning tower of pisa! looks like a fun place. read abt it. perhaps its better than paris and many other romantic cities. i wanna go to ulu places that ppl dont go to. kampongs and houses on stilts and other poorer native lands! to take down pics of them to remind myself and the world that we r considered fortunate, and lets share the joy of our wealth of food with them!

anyway, here are the pics of the swim at dad's work place! intercontinental hotel swimming pool! above pap's gym.

ok, i cant wait to take social work course in NUS! BBC/C! im sure i can do it. althou it still seems im far frm it. no no, i must be positive. im gonna achieve it!

aftr Alevels, i have a feel plans coming up.
1) SOT bible school mar-aug
2) take house agent exam
3) go for mission trips
4) driving lessons
5) community work thru chcsa hopefully! :)

seems like a busy 8 month break before Uni starts! its gonna be a fruitful 8 months with God with me :) and i have a senior in social work course! probably i could seek her help if i have any prob in U. i cant wait for Alevels to end! its only the beginning of my life!

i wanna take house agent exam so that i can get the liscence. well i have absobed some info frm my dad and watching news. know a little here and there alrdy, that interest me in economics. as in, that will not be my full time job. its just a job i take on when im free. i mean DO IT AT UR OWN FREE WILL AND TIME. so if i haven got a job, i'll just take on it while waiting for a full time job. anyway, housing agent in singapore earns 1-3% of the sale of the hse! gosh, in US, its 5%! that means if i sell a condo worth 1million, i will get 10k alrdy! ok, whats more is that if im attached to the seller, and if the buyer has no attatchment from any agent, i could take over that "agent place" and earn another 1% profit frm the buyer. yeah means total equal to 20k!

sounds easy money isnt it? im sure its gonna be a tough competition. im still a green horn. starting frm april, only O level graduates can take agent exams. means many ppl, like my dad, could not retake or take the exam if they haven went for Olevel. thats bad news! and now with the gov new policy of pumping ur profit frm sale of hse of at least 50% into ur new hse, means profit frm houses canoot fully go into ur pocket. man, ppl cant buy and sell property to earn now.

ok CIAO! tmr will be an even better day! :)

"From this day, I wil bless you."

2010-03-17T13:32:00.013+08:00

~My lovely week~

celebrated a very belated bday with my sec sku mates! exactly 1 mth after my bday, on march 14! guess what, i had presents again! on that day and before march 14. belated bday gifts. woohoo! :D

1 cake for 3! belated bday for wei jie too. his bday on feb 17 and qi yin's on april 11. its alittle early for qiyin, but we thought it was better to celebrate a pre-bday for her as well. haha! cheese cake. it was hardenedddd~ and i felt like i was eating ice. zhi peng thought so as well.

i found out some of my frens started smoking after a period of time not mtg them. i dont like cigarettes stinky stench. but of course i do have frens who smoke whom i dont resent. but i always feel like stepping on their cigarette boxes and spoil their lighters! ewww.. i really really hate cigarettes and its stench! I HATE IT MAN! and now my frens have caught it, i feel so bad for my them. wei jie is right, if ppl continue to smoke, they will look old with wrinkles and teeth yellow and gums not pinkish and even nails with disgusting fading yellow. ewww.. i really pray that my frens stops smoking. i love them and dont wish to see them destroying themselves. i mean my frens are so beautiful, and i dont wish to see them destructing their own temple.

thinking of everytime have to rush and walk infront of every smoker to avoid inhaling 2nd hand smoke, im so disgusted. im so glad that God has blessed my father to quit smoking 7 years ago. if not, i have to go thru those disgusting times of arguing with him that i wanna watch tv, yet he is smoking and i have to get to my room. :/ so glad my whole family non-smokers now! its not that i hate smokers. but its the first bad impression that they cast on ppl. i especially hate girls smoking at the void deck in uniforms. i always stare at them feeling disgusted. its like they are so childish thinking that smoking relieve stress. hello? do they even have that much stress as those who are working now? i hate them smoking especially at the playgrounds and at elderly resting area.

hello, do they have any common sense that they will implicate the children and the elderly? i wanna call the police and catch them immediately and hand them over to the police personally and see how their parents punish them. they didnt even realise the black faces on the elderly faces who are on wheelchair. they cant do anything to stop them from smoking at their area. i would have scolded and roared at them! my mom told me she saw these kids smoking att he elderly area and i was like "why didnt u reprimand them as an adult?!" i would have scolded them despite the consequences! maybe i wouldnt if they would outnumbered me. but if they were kids younger than me, i fell like slapping them for their parents! super childish!

i know smoking is not the baddest thing, but it just disgust me. and now im living in a new area where every night the uncle next door will smoke. i cnt do anything. :( he's a good uncle but i cnt do anything to stop his smoke frm coming into my hse. my sister is not happy abt the stench too.

sometimes the stench disturbs me when im studying. how i wish there are no cigarettes invention! government please increase the price 100times! this is my own selfish demand. haha. its for their own good anyway! :D

mom brought gladys and joy out to marina barrage with aunt and kids! man.. we were suppose to go to marina barrage to fly kites, the day we celebrated belated bday.. but rain lor.. :/

mom smiling chidishly! i cant believe she is turning 40, 2 yrs later! i dont want it! i dont want her and papa to age!

en qi and en rui. the funny jump shots of the 2 cheeky ones!

gladys! superman! joy wear skirt keep upskirt. so nv show her jumps that much. haha!

en rui! his standard jump of a starfish! joy jump shot!

en min so cute! i miss her so much!!! my lovely and cute cousin!

mom took gladys and joy out to prawning farm to fish for prawns too!

so disgusting right.. so many prawns. they pricked and scratched mom's hand. pap not there, so mommy have to handle the prawn. hehe.

joy smilling happily. that time we went to prawn fishin and papa kept holding on to the fishing rod dont let us play. even grandpa commented not fun.. cus he save money then only rented one rod for the whole day! cost about $50bucks or so. fish till night. we took turns and joy also played a little. now this time, she have the rod all to herself so she very happy! :D

its time to study after blogging. but i just cant bring myself to start! oh man.. there are so much.. i know and i know and i know that i will get into my dream course of social work in NUS. but i just cant right now focus on the process of getting to it.. boy oh boy.. God pls help me to focus! my block test is just a few days away and i have loads and loads of content to absorb. i need a good study environment. i believe i will pull thru but just thinking about absorbing those content, i tend to procrastinate. man.. i need to start!

on monday, in the youth service, pastor kong's said that those age 24-26 have the possibility to be the next pastor to take charge of this church and those age 18-24 could be the next pastor's wife. wow, its a practical illustration that shock me that it is so soon before our church have to go into the hands of another and another and another. i've received a vision during altar call to go into fulltime ministry. its really an impactful service but not to all. the other members were not really inspired to serve God in ministry areas. i pray they will be, some day.

i guess i have to remind myself time and time again that studying is a way to shine for God! i need to have the spirit of excellence once again to excel in my studies. i seem to have forgotten about how i was inspired to study for God, to be a good testimony. i need to start getting my As. i need to start praying more than ever before and reflect more. felicia get up and start doing ur late homework! get up and start doing all that essays that u owed and and most imptly, start on ur revision for block test! get those As that u rightfully deserved for ur hardwork!

i cant help but sometimes be discouraged cus i got a C for chinese i still cant believe it. i pray that there is a miracle. i haven took my result slip form general office yet. but my teacher told me i got a C for chinese. i pray that there is a miracle that when i got my result slip, my teacher has made a mistake that i actually got at least B for chinese! i cant believe i got a C. even some of my frens r shocked that i didnt get a B or A. im sad.usually i get A or B. now get a C is making me feel bad. i pray that when i get the result slip from GO, my result will read a B. :)

i need to start praying more than ever before. i need breakthrus in my studies. i need breakthru in my attitude to serve and to study! i cant wait to go SOT after Alevel. :)

Xue er, u can do it! go on and fight those battles that have been won already thru Christ who strengthens me!

haggai 2:19 NLT

" I am giving u a promise now while the seed is still in the barn. You have not yet harvested your grains, and your grapevines, fig trees, promegranates. and olive trees have not yet produced their crops. BUT FROM THIS DAY ONWARD I WILL BLESS YOU!"

my nasty-but-turn-out-to-be-revelational week :D

2010-03-09T20:23:00.020+08:00

how long have i not update? hmm a week or 2? wow so much happen! God is working even in the midst of my weakest week.

I had turned pale but i am strong within

i had a loooooong break from school. a real long one. a self-initiated one. i fell sick and was absent for school for 6 DAYS!!! more than a week of missing of lessons, lectures and notes and tutorials. boy, i have so much to catch up! but God is just sooooo gooood! during the week that i was absent, 2 teachers were absent from class most of the time, and it happen to GP and eccons. yea, im so happy i didnt miss much from econs! althou i still have lit to catch up, and even geog massive content, and also all my homeworks i owed, God is still good to me! He's just so goood to me! God is good, all the time! all the time, God is good!

Sick period

what happen to me was that on fri the week before last was that i've developed rashes all over my body. yeah its super disgusting. i mean not on my face la, but its all over my back, my upper thighs and my arms. yes, i scratched and it bleeds sometimes! oh man, but that's not the big sickness. the next day was saturday, the day that i have to go down to jamie's to settle my sale of my beloved drumset.

my last look of it and there i go with $580. i felt that i was like selling a junk which worth so much. cus actually its 3rd hand! and i sold it thru a 2nd hand forum! lols, i wanted to sell it at $700, but after a week, no replies and no buyers contact me. i guess its too much and high for a "2nd hand drumset". so after a week i adjusted the price to $600, which was the price i paid to get it. so, i wanted to sell at the cost price, and i felt why not make it neogtiable since i no longer find interest nor really needed the money, i just need to get rid of it right away before building fund starts. so i decided to gave it off at $580 after nego. to me, its God's blessing that i can sell it at this rate. cus its like so used, but its still presentable anyway. the drumset was a gift and blessign from God too that i can actually get it without causing so much trouble at home with my parents than expected. no one complained during the time when i practice and played. come to think of it, i owed jamie one! he unconditionally allow me to store my drum at his hse for the time being after i moved hse! thx God for such frens :)

last pics of it :)

its a long story that i got lost while searching for jamie's house to get the money and see the buyer. oh man i have bad sense of direction. so i walked under the sun for like so looong and panicking when i was like 1 hr late to the time the buyer come to collect the drums and pass me the money. finally got to see the buyer. its a She! and we chatted and shared cab. she didnt even want me to pay for the cab. thats so nice of her. im so glad to place my drums in her hands :) btw she's 33 yrs old! and she look like 23? lols!

i start to ask myself is it becus of walking under the sun for so loong thats why i got a fever. and the next thing i knew, after a nap at home,i've got a fever! waking up with fever is the last thing i would wanna feel! anyway i went to see doctor 3 times! the 1st time cus of rashes. its like caterpilla rash cus of running arnd teletubby hill during pe! cus first few to come back, have more time to rest for intervals so i usually lie down or sat down with the rest. eeeww that causes all my rashes! heard that all the pe teachers got it. my whole class girls got it except like 2 girls. ewww.. scartchy itchy!

2nd time went to see doctor cus of fever, flu, sorethroat and all come tgt. doctor said its becus of virus flu that cause all these symptoms. after 4days, still haven recover. so went to see the same family doctor again. it was a disaster at home with fever. at first went up to 38degreee + but it keep fluctuating so i thought i could go back to sku. i recover at 37 and that back at 38 again. and so after 5 days of fever. it was scary, i have difficulty breathing as my throat was sore ans swollen. worst of all my fever went up to 39.6 degree! hot hot! so mom rush me to tan tock seng. im so scare my head will be burnt and become dimwit! lols.. so went to hospital A & E. that serious cus that time i have to breathe hard and im scalding hot and dizzy. im so scare i faint. its so uncomfy that i teared and tears roll down my cheeks as i was in the taxi being sent to Tan Tock Seng.

i think i really scared my mom and freaked her out! cus after i go off the cab, that was at night 9pm plus on the 5th day of my fever, wed. anyway afetr i get off cab i was so giddy that i told my mom i was dizzy and scare i was gg to faint. i took my blood test. my very 1st blood test! im so scare. a few times i attempted to donate blood. but in the end sort of blood pressure too high cus i very nervous and scare of needles. but i really wanna donate. man. anyway i was so scare to see blood and the nurse make it worse by saying it is gonna hurt a little. yea it hurt a little but i was more fearful of seeing my blood tube. my blood colour is like blackish dark red!

it took quite loong b4 blood test result came out. meanwhile i tried to keep myself awake as im so afriad of fainting and never waking up or waking up in the sick bed. lols but God is good! my blood test came out and no signs of dengue or anything! the doctor checked and spotted white spots on my throat and said that it is due to virus in my throat that causes fever! no wonder no matter how many pills i take, my temperature just dont subside and recover. its becus i have to cure and deal with my throat before my fever could heal.

the doctor speak sooooo soft ah,that i dont even know what she is saying. my mom agrees too. in the end i dont even know wad virus is that. its a symptom call "C....". I know it starts with C but dont know what is it call lo.

miraculously, God healed me the very next day the sixth day! my fever subsided althou still having some giddiness and sorethroat. but the fever was a pain as compared to other symptoms.

what was a miracle is that during my sick week, i drew away from God unknowingly. even before im sick, i feel so spiritually dry. its is becus of my negative attitude that made my sickness worse and lasted longer. i keep confessing that i wont recover and even thought about death or becoming the worse of being a dimwit after burning my brain. gosh i even felt suicidal cus the fever is making me feel even lonelier and empty at home. i felt unproductive and so downright useless. i became so dependent that i needed my mom in everything. i kept complaining and worrying that i wont recover and keep whinning to my mom that i was in pain. it was so lonely at home alone with little companion the whole week. i felt useless! i worried abt my school work and all. i procrastinate, thats how negative i was. i was left alone at home with mom when my sister go out to study and my dad goes to work. sometimes my mom go out for a looong time to fetch my sis and go out to shop and bring my sis out to play, i was left alone at home with fever. thats when the negative thought come to me. i was alone and i felt so empty, so deep down empty inside my heart that i realise that the holyspirit have left me cus i have not been praying.

i have so negative thoughts that i dreamt of being pounced on and chased by witches and zombies. guess wads funny. i dreamt of L4D witches! lol.. the 2nd time the devil attacked me. i dreamt of being in hell without God. my uncle who is a full-pledged commited buddhist is the hades incharge of healt. my aunt his wife was the helper. his sons were in hell. and i was with them. i dont rmb whether my sisters are there or not but my other cousins were probably there too. i was thinking in my heart, aint i going to heaven cus of jesus who dies for me and gave me a chance to renew myself with my sins cleansed alrdy? didnt i repented? why was i in hell with my non-believers and unrepented cousins and uncles? i asked God after i woke up from my dream that is He gonna let me go? i knew deep down in my heart that i was drawing so far away from God and this dream is a warning, an alarm for me that im dragging myself to the past where i know no Jesus and was still sinning and dont believe in God's unconditional love. i dont want, i knew that. but i just cant bring myself to start praying. i dont know what and how should i pray. i cried out for the holy spirit to help me.

during these emptines in my heart, God did not give up on me. i thought the holyspirit has left me. but it didnt infact. i keep having voices in my head telling me to do what is right and prompting me to open up the bible for God to intervene and pray. i heard these voices. yet i thought it was my own consicousness telling myself to do what is right.

God's miraculous wonders at work

God sent many ppl in my live during this 1 looong week to bring me back to where i was. he brought me back into reality. i knew i needed a wake up call.even my mom scolded me and ask me to wake up. i was like not myself the whole sick week. just so not myself. downright negative that i seriously need to wake up and WAKE UP! i was living in emptiness.

Thank God. He sent my mom to remind me of his words. my mom every night will tell me to pray and ask God for healing. she prayed for me. but i know i have to pray to work it out and believe and have faith that he truely heals. i knew that there are no other healer like him. my medicine are not as powerful as his's miracles and wonders. yet i turned away from this truth the moment the holyspirit reminded me on this. my mom asked me, "have u thought about why u r sick and left to all quietness and time to urself? God wanna speak to u in this time. why dont you open up ur bible and start to listen to what He have to say?" i knew that i needed to pray yet i felt so weak to do so. my mom reminded me to listen to praises and worships as i rest so that healing may come as i praise and worship. instead of listening to them, i complained that its too loud and i needed quiet rest.

But God didnt give up one me after sending my mom to remind me, He sent me angels who pass by right at my door to talk to me about Him and salvation. first, two young teenagers my age came up to my door and gave me pamplets of their church and ask whether i believe in God. i felt irritated then. i just took their pamphlet and told them i am from a chuch. then they walked off looking as if they haven made a difference in my life. i didnt even bother to look at it and the next thing i knew, the pamplet was wetted due to my drink. my sister wanted to throw it away. i gave it a 2nd glance and threw it away.

God didnt give up again, he showed his unconditional love once again. He send my auntie to me this time. my auntie always guide me along in my studies, in life, and most importantly in my spiritual walk with God. My mom sent her to call me. The moment my auntie call me, i can feel the great annointing thru the phone and felt so broken down that i almost teared. i held back my tears painfully and put up a false front. i knew i was touched by the holyspirt right away as my auntie begin to talk about God and how i need to have the faith to believe in him and stop worrying. She gave me verses in th bible that talk about stop worrying and how he will heal me and she also gave me a mindmap of how i show plan my lifestyle so as to get my studies right back on track. my mom told her abt my bad results and she planned how i should study and she even advice me to get enough rest as i always sleep very late at night which cause the next day of school to be a tough one.

before i put down the phone, my aunt ask me to have my quiet time and listen and talk to God immediately. i was so encouraged to do it. but distractions came again, my 2nd sis came home and we chatted and then my mom called to ask me to fetch my youngest sister from the bustop up to home safely. its the first time my 8 yr old sister took the bus home alone. so i got to go down. when i came home, i was distracted to pray.

God this time sent another angel by my door step. an auntie came and said that she has come to discuss with me about the bible. i was shocked! cus in a week, its shocking enuff for 2 peersons to stop by to talk to me about the bible. anyway she made me so energized in the spirit that i wanted to pray and read the bible right away. she asked me sth that i was shocked. she asked me "have u ever thought of why God bring sufferings even though he love us?" this exact qn i asked my mom a few days ago as i was feeling desperate for a reason im sick while God has the power to heal me right away when i wasnt healed right away. she told me that it was the devil who causes these calamities not God. she said that ppl sometimes brought to themselves tragedies not God. God gave us choices, and we chose the wrong path. choices is the free gift from God which we were given. and i thought about it.

i have a revelation thru the week that i was like job. God highly favoured Job and even allow saturn to tests Job's faithfulness to God. saturn brought upon many calamities to Job's live. he was blinded and his health was greatly threaten even after he having his whole family perished. that is how worse the situation was but he kept on believeing in God and gave praise and in the end saturn lost the battle to prove that Job will give up on God when he is weak and dying. God bless and gave all back to Job more than 10 times more by belesing him with family members again and he got his health and vision back. i asked myself, is this my period of trial and tribulation? am i being tested by saturn to test my faithfulness to God and believing in him? if it is, i cannot lose the battle! although i may have looked like i have lost half the battle, but i held on finally.

i finally gave in to God and started my first quiet time after all this tough time. i worshipped and prayed. i felt so filled suddenly. this was the time i realise the holy spirit has not left me al these while. He was just inside of me reminding me and whispering to me to do what is right. i realised then that the small still voice in my head belongs to the holy spirt. i began to rejoice and praise God. God healed me right away! all sickness and every giddiness is all gone in Jesus name! i felt no longer empty, but so filled with joy and peace that God gave me. i realise that i need to strengthen my faith once again, more than before and DEPEND on him more than before and not merely just on my own stregth. like what my aunt said, i cannot excel in my studies based on merely my own stregth, i have to rely on God and ask him for wisdon before i start my studies.

i was so happy that i am healed physically. most importantly, im healed spiritually and emotionally. i no longer feel worthless and unproductive. instead i feel so encouraged that i began to study right away and read my notes! i looked at my goals on my wall. its still there hung up thank God. it reminded me to pursue my dreams and goals for this yr once again. the holyspirit encouraged and motivated me to have once again the spirit of excellence in whatever that i do including studies. i began to put away negative thoughts of getting a C in my chinese means my world fall apart. i swept away this thought and start believeing and relying on His strength to get me going!

hallelujah! praise God for his faithfulness and never giving up on me for when im weak, I AM STRONG! i shared this loooong testimony in cellgrp mtg and it went pretty long that my Cgl, xue en said that he no need to preach alrdy. haha.. i hoped i have encouraged the other members through my testimony. i also realised the looong week was not only tough for me, but tough for many of my cellgrp members. they were spiritually dry too and xu en was going thru major transitions in life of getting to working zone soon.

i thank God for never giving up on me. i will love Him forever! :D

i promised to blog about my birthday and CNY week. and here are all the wonderful pics! i had a fun time cus all my relative and family came down to my birthday celebration cum CNY party. its sort of a hse warming as we had just shifted to a smaller hse. but it doesnt mean we are not prospering. God prospered my family when the whole family gave to building fund the last yr. my whole family contributed. even my father and my youngest gave at age 7. she gave the best she could. she told me a few days ago that she is gonna give her angbao money as much as she could probably all in her money box. she told me that God will bless her more as she give. at a young age, she understood the principle of giving and she gave so cheerfully and in faith that God pour down blessing into our household as we give. maybe she received alot of financial blessings alrdy which i believe she did, thats why she know giving has to be cheerful.

Financial blessing thru giving to building fund

side track abit, God had blessed us so much and so tremendously financially.

family: from whole family living in 1 room, to living in 3 room flat, to living in 5 room flat to purchasing a new waterfront yet to finish building condo at bedok. sold our 5 room flat and earned a more than 100k profit. bought at arnd 340k and sold at 460k. about 120 k profit! and we even bought a new place to stay. we moved back to a new 3 room flat. but that is only temporary before the condo is build. probably if we feel comfortable living in 3 room, we will use the condo for investment and buy more apartments to invest. thank God for financial blessing!

father: from working as a lorry driver to training and winning trophies for bodybuilding and fitness competitions like STRONGMAN championship. ( i witnessed him towing alone a lorry with cartons of beer and 2 ladies modelling on it. i also witnessed him wearing a swimming trunk and modelling during his bodybuilding competition . believe me, its very very hilarious when my mom shouted while videoing down. shouting "go daddy go daddy" lol!)

after all these experience, he became a california personal trainer. then he came out to do his own business now, by renting a gym at intercontinental hotel and train wushu plus body fitness in the gym. want nice figure? wanna slim down? wanna be fit with muscles like my dad? $60-$70 per hr. interested call me. lol. now he just took up housing agent lessons. he wanna train ppl + sell houses. haha! its a bonus man! so happy. pls pray with me that he will pass his agent exam! he is studying hard now like me. he need support and i tink i wanna bless him with a electronic dictionary. his english is not very good and often consult me how to spell and give definitions. gotta understand that he studied untill sec 1 only. his income rises almost exponentially i can say. :)

mom: income rises after all these yrs of giving. promoted to assistance manager optician. promotion meant more money coming in. mua haha money money money. being blessed so much in finances that her shopping money always icrease la. gotta save more too. got so many bags and endless birkenstock and fitflop slippers already. buy new LV bags. i dont think
is nice actually. anyway its gonna be mine someday, i shouldnt complain. hehe.

me: o level result was a blessing to me. that was the year i gave in faith. all As and Bs no C and D. Alevel must also like that! blessing of getting a drumset at a cheap rate. blessed with increased allowance! so much increase that my spending increase so much. i should start to save more and more. at first parents say economic downturn we have to sell 5 room house and move to smaller hse and have cut in all our allowance but in the end we got condo and increase in allowance. mine increased by arnd 80%. nearing twice the amt. i also sold my drumset at a reasonable price. blessed with ipod.blessed with open doors to play in gigs.

indeed God is good. he said that he wil bless us untill we have so much that we can bless others too. i sold my drumset cus of a revelation of contributing the money to buildingfund. part of the money was used to bless my family too. $100 to mom, dad only took $50. i know its little to them la. but its my love for them mah. i wanted to give $100 to both my grandparents but they refuse to accept it. then i used part of the money that i got from papa refusing to take another $50 and the money which was suppose to give my grandparents to shop. i shopped for a bag that is so cute that i cnt resist to bring it to school. its a school bagpack which will cheer up my day. colours make wonders. i bought 2 new dresses too! lovely!. i bought some other miscellenious too :)

eugenia sis: blessing financially. got more than 1k pay check. she was blessed to bless others more. she use the blessings she get from God to buy us expensive xmas gifts. studies improves. attitude towards studies improve drastically. Nlevel result was acceptably great to me. but she think she can do better. pray that Olevel get better grades! :)

gladys sis: blessed not only with increased allowance, but studies also better and stablise. manage to get into second best class. becoming ambitious. blessed with open doors to perform and showcase talent of dancing with best dancing pals. angbao money auite alot that she saved her first $400 finally.got her first phone!

joy sis: gave a large proportion of her money and savings. blessed with open doors to showcast talent of dancing and humouring too. praying for more open doors! financial blessing i think higher percentage than me lor.. mommy always giver her extra money too. got her 1st phone too! teacher say her chinese improves. wah good.

Thank God for so much financial blessings. indeed he promises to bless us by opening up windows of heavens and pour down abundant blessings into our store house so much so that we cannot contain when we start to give. :)

Bday + CNY parties!

ok finally to my birthday. ok i had fun. i will talk with pictures.

on new yr eve, as usual went for family dinner at grandma's with delicious food. we have lao yu sheng! all the fun and laughter :D

mommy and papa :)

1st day of new yr, my birthday too! my birthday party cum new yr celebration at our hse downstairs bbq pit. we set up steam boat there too. joyjoy so cute. her make up so thick that day. yet cant hide her manliness.

papa set up steamboat and lots of food. he was the key factor to all kids joy

papa in red and gladys. gladys has grown so much taller in the new yr! pri 6 alrdy 160!

me with enqi cousin and eugenia sis! finally i look older. the next pic featured me with gladys sis!

my sisters :)

eugenia sis with pretty cousin ah li! ROM at 21 last xmas yet nv give me ang bao :( lol!

mom and paternal aunt! mom just have a hair cut. i prefer her with shoulder length hair. looks cute-er. mom can play bball ok! look! she shoots and scores!

reunion of cousins! this is a handsome cousin of mine. smaller than me a few months. he grow so tall suddenly last yr. i was supposed to be taller lor!

cousin ben di! seldom see him. so a sure must to take pic with him :) he now play fb leh! communicate thru fb lor. haha! fb, the place to connect cousins!

sweet bday cake! real sweet ok. strawberry cheese cake. mommy nv write my name.lols. veri exp. arnd $40+ for cheesecake. but veri yummy! :D blessed bday!

making a wish with lucky cousin zayne. he wanna touch the cake before i blow. must control him . hehe.

cutting cake by da jie!

nth is better than fireworks! i mean mini fireworks sticks. how i hope we can put real fireworks!

my lovely and sweet ah ma! she so cute la. she came to my bday party yeah! this time no need her to cook, she sure very happy. hehe. next pic is all about cousins! they were my grow up mates. guys dont know how to pose. if u notice, all face chou chou.!

last but not least, a wonderful pic with ah ma and aunt! yeah, bday cum cny party is a success!

really wanna thank God for all the fun He had given to me on my beloved bday! and especially those upsized angbaos that came true! so happy on that day. many presents and $$.

its a long post. hehe. this will last u readers for a week before im free to post again. hahas. im excited for block test! :D cus i know God will give me the endurance and the strength to study and He shall provide me with the wisdom to study and excel. thank u God. i have fought the battle well. Good night and Amen! :)

ps. i love my new customised bag which made me look forward to school everyday as its bright colour cheered me. colours works wonder. love my shorter pony tail now. not so heavy on me. and very easy to manage. hehe :D (random)

Took joy out one day and here are the random pics of her in lion dance and more :D

woodlands lib. her first visit!

went out with eugenia to shop for new school bags for inspirations to study. hehe.

God bless! xD

pls! no naps!

2010-02-23T21:38:00.002+08:00

yes! its finally sold! saturday is the official date. praying on how to allocate the money wisely :)
went for consultations this week. tmr shall be my 5th consultation for the week! wow, didnt know i can tahan that.

i hope and pray that i can last like that for the whole of j2! hopefully i can continue to go for consultations more frequently rather than gg early to take naps. hehe :D

CLUMSIER and LAZIER and even BLURER.

2010-02-19T22:12:00.009+08:00

~my clumsy days~

oh gosh..im getting more clumsy than ever before. especially sotong for the past few recent years. and growing lazier and lazier.. man, i wish all of these will be gone! this morning, 3 clumsy incidents took placed. just a short distance from the mrt to sku, and yet my clumsiness gave way! my froggy purse's suction cup got stuck at the tap machine while i was tapping my purse. super paiseh la. all thx to my clumsiness.i had a hard time plucking it out, and the ppl behind me are like "faster leh girl". lols!

i have an exceptinally bad sense of direction. i always find myself lost when i had alrdy walked that route for like at least 10times? yar, thats exxagerating. now i find myself having short term memory too.. im so absent minded that i can forget what i wanna talk about the next moment after being distracted. argh..nowaways, im so lazy! and this yr, even before term1 ends, i had alrdy been absent for 2days of school and 1 late warning for being late :/ i gotta buy alarm clock now. usually i set 5alarms in my phone and 1 extra alarm on my alarm clock. so total 6 alarms. thats how serious it is, that i couldnt wake up. but im glad sometimes i could :) improving for the fact! used to have wake up calls, yes now im independent!

everything in my bag is almost green by now! i guess my indulgence in green is getting serious all thanks to the greeny gifts ppl got me. a 22-23 min mrt ride home is a looong one every day. glad that my ipod is here to stay. i slot my ipod in my froggy purse, so when im using my ipod which is in my purse, my frens saw from the front and couldnt see my ipod so they thought that im playing with the purse. lols!

ok there are just so much to update but without pics i cant rmb. all the new yr pics are with my cousin, including my birthday celebration pics. so i guess u have to wait for a week or so before this outdated post will be up :)

this is probably the only pic i have in my phone. bad touch phone and its camera. hate touch phone man! thats my baby cousin and aunt! YAR, MY AUNT IS YOUNG RIGHT? cus she is same age as i am! that means my grandma is pregnant with her the same yr my mom is pregnant with me. so funny thinking abt it! imagine u getting a baby when ur mom is pregnant too! "hey mom, how's ur baby? mine's kicking!"

actually its rather good but sometimes bad to have both parents of 20 yrs of age older than me. sometimes they nag, and sometimes i think that they know too much being this young to probe into my life. but they are more "in" and easily-communicable.

joy, my dearest and youngest mei mei is growing prettier each yr! so cute right? the one in purple is joy and the other cute girl is my cousin. super cute! i love them :D joy is 8 alrdy! so fast.. reminds me than rina our ex-maid has been gone for 4 yrs!

i realise that all my younger sisters are growing real fast! eugenia is taller than me by 1cm alrdy!

pic taken last yr. im just substituting it for not posting any CNY pics. :p

this is another sis of mine who is growing rapidly now. she eats 2 big bowls of rice for dinner at real fast speed! and she is very very skinny and very very tall for her age! 160 at pri6 now! gosh i pray that she will stop growing. max 170cm i can accept for a younger sis's height! when im in sec1, im only 157, yet she is alrdy 160 now! yar she is growing prettier la.

will update soon after getting new pics! :D

God bless! CIAOS!

my 3-in-1 bday!

2010-02-15T00:56:00.016+08:00

~My beautiful week~

this week have been beautiful! and a sweeeet deluxe! probably God wanna sweeten up my birthday week and to make up for the bad week last week..muahahahaha. alright so much happen within this little week! new yr visit to grandma's, dinner there plus "pull" yu sheng, visit to big aunt hse at potong pasir, my birthday bbq and steamboat, all that presents and angbaos, valentine, celebration in sku, hamper wrapping, a visit to SPCA.....blah blah.. i can go on and on abt this weeeeek. but sadly these are the only photos i got here. there are loads and loads more in my cousin's camera. super loads, trust me. videos and more pics. guess i cant blog abt all now. but here's some of it. i have a feeling its gonna be a loooooong post! :D get ready!

1st stop! hamper wrapping! IJC always have these kinds of competition. although it seems quite lame, but its kinda fun. we have competition between classes for the best wrapped hamper to send to old folks home for CNY! actually it doesnt have to be a competiton, we will still do our part. anyway, its very enjoyable cus...cus its with my girls! ya la, perhaps its really cus my whole class are girls, thats why we r more united that alot of classes.

guess what! we bought the hamper "ingredients" as a class! imagine 11 girls shopping. it means madness! yar the aunties-spirit went out. we shopped for the most worth it goods and bought it at considerably cheap prices.

set off frm sku to fairprice

the trolley was at first very empty, we just rode our bags in it. but...after much crazy shopping, we brought back lotsa goodies, full!

we did calculations. and guess what, the actual cost exceeded our estimated cost! it sums up to $110 exactly! but we had fun la. all can be seen from hueychin's laughter. =x

lotsa bags to bring back to sku. glad that we took cab. phew.

this is just the part of us shopping. we have yet to wrap! we did our wrapping on friday, last day of sku before cny hols. wrapping didnt take us long and we got it done in time. look at our pretty teacher miss yu! slacking! never help us. haha. dont know who snapped a pic of her. lols

we deco and deco...results turns out to be professional right. other classes goods r most prob below $110 man. lols!

here are some pics taken by ai ling or was it jean? anyway she snap some pics of us while studying in class. a sneak peep into JC's boring tutorial life. it can be fun only when the teacher enjoy it too. look at the left pic! darlene, our classmate is teaching us! lols. if she were to be my real teacher, i think i will enjoy her lessons. cus i will ask her to dance like michael jackson to reward us for being attentive! hahas. she can dance man! :p miss alicia tan teaching us econs in the 2nd pic. i cant believe she's married! so young...!

next stop! my birthday celebration in sku! as usual, when there's someone birthday, our class will surprise and celebrate. actualy its no longer a surprise anymore cus we knew the trend now. hahas! here goes the pics!

i was surprised alittle not becos my birthday card was my fav frog, but it was becus i saw that card hidden in shu hui's file before my birthday! lols! at first i still joked and commented " eeee wad an ugly frog" to tease my fren. in the end it turns out to be my card! haha!

cutting of "cake"!

thanks girls! TRY ME the next time.

next stop! exchange of valentine treats in sku! seems like the whole world is celebrating for me on val! lols!

i made this rose myself ( left pic) thats why i was late for sku! i made like a bunch of them. hmm, arnd 30 roses handmade done in the morning nicely wrapped up. pink, yellow, green, purple, orange roses! actualli i thought that i can sell them outside actually haha! sort of regret to take a pic of all the roses i made! a bag full of them when i carried it to sku. but i've given all out when i realise i haven took a pic of it! sily me. so this is all that's left. this rose and the wrapping is not so nice :/ anyway i sprayed my mom's perfume on all the roses. hehe. the right pic shows my valentine gifts frm my frens :)

as usual, my mom every year will ask me whether any guy gave me rose or anything. even if i have, my answer will still be the same. " of course no la, u think too much". she have been nagging that i dont have a boyfren. if i tell her, she will think too much again. lols!

i had received my birthday gifts alrdy even before my birthday! this is a gift frm mommy and aunts. they shared and bought me a ipod nano. my mom bought this and i like it. cus its green! she bought green on purpose! cus i love green man. i can say, most of my presents this yr r greeen. infact almost all! my aunt didnt went to buy with her, then when she saw it, she commented, itouch better man, why didnt u get an itouch? mommy dont know wads itouch probably. actually i wanted an itouch cus i've so much to store. my old mp4 space is toooooo small. haha nevertheless, im contented with this nano. its greeeen! thx mom and aunts!

my classmates bought me a bunch of greeeeny stuff! haha very funny, cus they thought i love frogs. i mean i do, but i love them cus they are geeeeen! lols, so they bought for me a bunch of froggy accessories! so greeeny. but I LIKE! thx girls!

eugenia, my dearest mei zi, bought me stuff frm online. this is prob the first time she shop online. she bought for me make up kit! its so beautiful man! actually i have no lack of make up, they seems cant be used up fully at all! esp eye shadow and blusher. those bodyshop make up that i bought last yr for the make up competition is barely half used now! anyway since she bought it and i love them, im gonna use them! :D and the best part is, the make up that eugenia bought for me, she can use them too. so she win. lols! the make up kit she bought is really beautiful, gives the shadow smoky effect. i like! thx eugenia!

let me show u wad my cellgrp bought for me! i love it to the max man! actualli it doesnt have to be expensive to satisfy me. but i have to admit sometimes it does. alright anyway, this bag that chormay and chorlin chosed is simply just my style la! mom thinks it not nice. but i like bags that are unique and esp those that ppl dont carry them. most impt, i feel comfy carrying it. this is it! and guess wad, its greeeeen again! not very obvious in the pic, but its nice :) they also bought for me a book. very ex leh the book. thx cellgrp! esp a big thank you to chor lin, chormay and eugenia for chosing it.

i got all these gifts way before my birthday. so i wonder will i still get any on my birthday. today i got the answer. YES! more presents :D and upsized angbaos! these are the presents i got before my birthday. mostly greeny. when i look at this pic, the make up kit eyeshadow that is on both side of the cover look like reflection. its not. its really two sided full. with 120 colours to chose from. like paint right? lols!

oh yea i wanna thank another person! thats chun feng! he was the earliest to give me present! on 7th, exactly 1 wk b4 my bday! thats very thoughtful of him. :) i love the notebook he get for me! exactly my style. i love unique and sometimes "ugly" prints of "ugly" animals. yea, thats wads on the book cover. hehe. thats why i love ugly frogs. but i have to admit some frogs like the techno frog ah, is truly ugly! eeeeeeee! annabelle agrees too!

next up, a vist to the SPCA!

went to SPCA FINALLY!!! went there on new yrs's eve with chorlin and chormay. so proud of chorlin, she's a volunteer there and she is now learning to train the dogs. i saw her training emily and ida. she's good. hehe so proud of her! so proud of chormay too. she is better than me cus im scare of some dogs there. nevertheless i still get to get near them and make frens with them. hehe.

im so forgetful u know!

u know what i did?! im so careless as to leave my youngest sis at home (with 2 of my other younger sis) without bringing her out to SPCA with me! i promised to bring her go then in the end i forget to bring her and i just walk out myself. i only realised when chormay asked me where is my sis! then i felt quite guilty. so after visiting the dogs and puppy, we left the SPCA tgt and went home. when i rch home, i told joy, my youngest sis abt it and apologise to her. then she cry cry cry. cus she wanted to go badly to see the dogs. oh man, i have no choice but to bring her there right away. see, when u persist, u get what u want. thats why God answer persistent prayers too. anyway, she just keep on cry and beg la. ok la, so i brought her there right away.

she was so happy la! thats her with Rumi. :) we went in the cage literally. its a walk in cage. not very big. we r allowed to go in and make frens with them and play with them alittle. not much, cus it may aggitate them to play more agressively which may lead to bittings. we dont want that.

thats joy with the cats in the cats lock-up.

oh this is random. i found a froggy toy that the cats used to play. and find it unusally interesting. cus it looks real. lols!

these are 2 siamese kittens sound alsp. they r very tiny! waiting for u to adopt. hahas. actually these kittens remind me of the kitten who look exactly like these, that i brought home to take care of. when i was primary 4, i brought home a kitten frm the park. it was exactly the same type. its so tiny and fragile. i decided to give it a home. but when i brought back and fed it milk, my mom scold me and wanted me to bring out the cat cus joy, my sis was only a few months old that time. my mom doesnt wan the kitty to scratch her and doesnt want its fur to go lying and cause joy to sneeze. so i was devastated. we kept the kitten and name it cutey. we only kept for arnd 2-3 days and released it in the park. i rmb me and eugenia cried so badly. when we went back to the park the next day, cutey was not there anymore. i went back to search for it whenever i pass by, but found none. and sometimes i saw the same breed of cat just like cutey! but its bigger than cutey. perhaps it has alrdy grown up. if cutey is still alive now, it should be 8 yrs old same as joy :) i miss cutey man!

this is six. it has six spots thats why its call six! guess wad! its so tiny that it looks like a kitten seriously! so small! but its aggresive at its age. this is a pic of her bitting my shoe and tearing out my shoelace. it bit me again and again lor. not pain but i scare la. so small but a little scary. but its very cute! :D my shoe so smelly! six still wanna lick and bite. hahas!

this is delilah! its cross-breed too. hdb cant allow cross-breed dogs cus they grow up to be very big. sad right.. that means their chances of getting adopted is diminished. she is very clever and quiet and very very obedient. :) unlike six. this is me with delilah! she's pretty, her eyes looks as if mascara is applied on.

this is delilah's beautiful eyes :) chormay is here too!

this is chorlin, the volunteer, also my best helper in cg! so proud of her training the dogs. but this pic was taken badly la. all that cagey wire.

last stop! today newyr "chu yi", went to ah ma hse to bai nian. we used to stay beside her block like a few weeks ago. now we have to travel there for 20mins. lols! feels weird. i still thought i stay ther sometimes. couldnt get use to travelling by bus to her hse =p

thats papa with gladys in the left pic. papa look shock right? eugenia took it. he wanna scold us not to take pics of him. thats gladys beside papa. gladys ah, today keep listening to mp3. aiya as usual la. she sings and dance all day. alittle annoying at times lor.. the right pic, is joy and mommy. mommy cut short hair. the zoey tay hair style. i dont like. but she and others think is nice. i tink she should cut short but left one side longer with no side burn, that way will make her look younger and stylish. she always say she has better taste than me. applies sometimes only. but i have to admit she is better than me when comes to fashion SOMETIMES.

we all didnt bought new yr chlothes this yr. except joy and mommy. cus mommy say we got many dresses that have yet to be worn. yea true but i dont like them. :/ eugenia took shots of me and us queueing for bus to grandma's.

left: eugenia and mommy. right: me with my greeen bag. ( i dont know why whenever i smile, my eyes shrinks. i dont like it. look like my cousin ah bin. lols! )

thats all for tonight! there are more actually, on the bbq and my birthday celeb pics. but i haven got them. will update soon once i got them frm my cousin.

have a blessed new yr and God bless! :)

cycling cycle cycle.

2010-02-07T21:39:00.006+08:00

This weeeeeeek!

it had been a baaaaaad one. for reasons i cant explain and think of. just that i feel bad thruout the weeeeeeek. urgh. cant figure out wads wrong wiv me. it has been a bad week partly becus had aliitle "talk" wiv my members, and it didnt turn out well at first. they sort of was angered wiv me. which made me felt bad. but i know what i said was right, just that i hav to give them time to digest wad im saying. sunday came, and i was so surprised that they are back talking wiv me again! im so glad. wad surprises and touch me is that they wrote on the church wishes board that they wanna thank me and love me and stuf. im so glad and was very touched. from that moment i realise God was doing sth when i thought that things are gg to turn out bad. thx God! :)

quite sad cus on saturday im suppose to vist spca to help out, but in the end didnt went cus chor lin was sick and couldnt bring me there. cus it is my first time and she was suppose to go wiv me. anyway, look forward to next week to go :)

so i wasted my saturday.. another sad thing is that the jamming was cancelled cus many ppl cannot turn up and i also had alot of dued hmwk yet to finished up. man.. im bothered!

sad again cus i skipped sku! oh no i did it again. was sick frm last week until now. its not veri serious but it just dragged and i hate it. so i missed out some sku stuff. actualli i dont realli care. but i need to. cus its A level this yr! im not serious wiv my sku work which make me feel so bad. im not excelling man. this is bothering me. but i know it doesnt mean i couldnt excel, it just meant that i will excel in time to come!

wads left now is ukelele and guitar :/

the onli thing that cheered me alittle is that while im absent in sku, clara told me that i scored highest in class for econ homecoming exam! but guess wad. lol, i just passed it. so it wasnt veri encouraging.

cycled this week. im beggining to hate running man. i seriously hate runing now. infact i procrastinate on it. man, i pray that someone substitute me for Adiv. i seriousli dont wanna run. i know for ppl in crosscountry, they take it veri seriously and the race mean all to them, but to me it means nth, seriously. everybody put their heart at diff thing, mine, is not on the race. i've got other more impt thing to concentrate on. but they dont understand me and i felt irritated having to force myself to run. eee.. becos of this, frm loving to run, now i hate running. pe is enough for me.

i love cycling now! perhaps thats the only joy i get when i hav nth to do. today i cycled joy and gladys around our new house. we cycled into the "haunted" school and fed cats. nowadays, cats pick on food. they dont eat wadeva u feed them. last time when i feed them, they eat wadeva i give them, but now they chose and pick leh! so naughty, buy alrdy, but they dont wanna eat. in the end fed the ants instead. lols!

its fun having a 3 seater bike. but its veri hard to control, lucky joy and gladys are small and light.

i've got my first birthday present alrdy! chunfeng rmb the best! so nostalgic, misses the days man. we use to work tgt, talk abt cg, talk abt almost anything and laughed so loud that he choked lol!

today message was a blast. after feeling so bad for the week, rev paul scanlon's msg brought me back alive! ok i always get tempted to feel bad and sad and guilty and no confidence blah blah... but im not usually pessimistic. i know that God have his way to bring me back on track once i make a decision to trust Him :) no matter i choses route A or B, His blessing is still gona be with me. Amen!

moving to a new surrounding and new hse is great, a refreshing change. and i've got my very own study table finally! i always have a bad habit of studying on my bed or on the floor. yar i know its dirty, but thats my bad habit. so thats how i go thru psle, olevel and got me thru JC. but now, Alevel, for the first time, im gonna study on a table. LOLs! cant wait to move to condo la. we're moving to waterfront after its built in two yrs time. faster faster build! but then again, i will super miss my grandparents :(

sometimes i read on ppl's blog and on their fb comments that they broke up and feel so sad, or sometimes i heard that my frens r sad and wanna get love back again. but i think otherwise at times. love does not have to come from these relationships. some ppl treat these relationship as their whole life and i feel sad for them. thats why ppl commit sucide for love and stuff. aiyo, cmon, the best eternal and unconditional love u can get is from God! anyway who else can it be from?

i think this i funny haha! random. the wind go vroooom! and all of our hair "upskirt". lols!

look forward to visiting spca and more good stuff this upcoming week! tmr im gonna go buy someone's birthday present. woohooooohoooo. gonna get him sth great. hope we have the budget. gonna honour him this time!

sick!

2010-01-31T20:50:00.007+08:00

THIS WEEK.

im sick on fri and sat =( sick as in caught the flu. and stayed home all sat to rest. on sun went to church and was refreshed! i mean am still refresh! :) good news that eugenia and chormay had started serving this week! eugenia have been doing visitations alrdy! visiting those children belonging to children church. a funni incident happen where eugenia and gwen were coming to our hse to visit joy and gladys. joy and gladys were asked to address eugenia as " teacher eugenia" instead of the usual "er jie"! haha, dat made joy and gladys speechless that they cannot get use to calling their er jie "teacher". lols!

chormay had also started serving ytd! instead of weekdays visitatons, she went on board the children bus and accompanied them on the way to and frm church. yeah! im so glad that my cg 80% are involved in ministry now! i pray that thru serving, they can grow more.

now left wiv chorlin wivout a ministry. gonna sign her up for MS care thru weiyu. hopefulli he replies. signing up thru online doesnt work all the time, prob they are busi. so decided to jus approach ppl i know to get members in the ministries. its faster than i thought man! productive :) have also signed up my whole cg for weekday bs. its great cus we could mt in the weekdays to fellowship and at the same time, grow stronger in the knowledge of God's Word too! :)

mommy jus bought loads of stuff frm attributes! so proud of her that she go to church on her own wiv no cg, jus wiv my two younger sis. alittle regret not accompanying her to go on sat. i was sick then so slept till quite late, didnt went wiv her. i know she may feel alittle uncomfy being along in srv, but i know she can go independently. :) called her after the srv and she told me that DR. NIKO's srv was a loooong one. which got me excited for sunday's srv! she bought children bibles for joy and gladys. finally their very first ones! they are so excited abt their new bible that they stick the chapter labels on happily. mommy bought or got some free dvd and cds! "shine like starts" dvd, "Erana" EP, "pastor robb and pastor jeffery's mp3 sermon pack" and a book by Joyce Meyer my fav author! rmb the 1st time i read her book for teens was when i was sec 4! a inspiring woman of God.

today's service was great! long worship...praise was fun and all. i believe 2010 will be really a yr of abundance and restoration! :D cant wait for sku tmr cus i jus downloaded the sermon into my phone to listen to it on the way to sku!

i really misses It. cnt believe its onli been gone for 1 week. it felt so loooong. and i jus cant help feeling kinda sad when its gone. but i believe I HAVE TO GIVE UP for the time being TO GO UP. this shall encourage me whenever i tink abt it.

gonna jam wiv jordan and guys soon. hope its SOON and looking forward to it. :) but alittle sad that they r gg army! man.. life is tough.

oh and i miss sf so much man! but i gonna miss every gigs that is coming up now .. thinking about it makes me feel sad man.. :( cant commit for the time being. i cannot afford to be distracted now, to study hard is my only chance to prove them wrong now. aww.. i miss elene, yingying, billy, sophie, xuan wei and all!

found some really old pics in my desktop album. here goes the memories!

ciaos! back to studies. sighs sometimes but thinking that i jus have to go thru this 1 tough yr to get to my promised land, its all worth it! after As, im free! free to go SOT, free to play as much as i wan!

THX GOD for using me. :)

2010-01-24T20:58:00.003+08:00

oh yar, btw i just bought 2 EPs of ALARICE. she sings well. i love her voice. and especially how she uses her voice to sing of the love of God. part of her concert and albums procedes goes to the HAITI earthqauke disaster. i wish i could do that too! i mean i wish i could help out at haiti literally and do wadeva i can. although i cant help out monetarily, but jus hav the urge to help. discussed alittle with my cellgrp members, then realise we cant do much even if we sign up for missions now as we r not fully equipped in terms of knowing medical skills. what they need now is more medical workers there and shelters. right now, the best is to pray for them. wanna go missions man.. seeing so many ppl dying, hurts man. im so fortunate. lols!

visit alaricemusic.com to follow on her songs! she's beautiful, have that asian authentic beauty look. :)

ciaos!

a TRIPLET celebration!

2010-01-24T19:07:00.016+08:00

its worthy to celebrate...becos...ytd was violet's belated birthday celebration! today, eugenia my sis got bursary award! and best of all TODAY its SABBATH!

ytd was spent up happily but not rather fruitfully.. went to shift my drums to jamie's. hmm, not much to elaborate, but except that some probs may arose due to the loudness if he play at home and that his mom does not seem pleased. i have a solution to it now after praying. not gonna elaborate here. quite personal and private.

after that, at noon, went out with erika to shop for presents for violet and mick! woah.. im tired after shopping. dont like to walk but like to see. hahas. then met up with violet, jupri, zhipeng and weijie to have dinner tgt to celeb violet's birthday! belated actualli. but anyway we had fun! didnt noe violet is a drinker. naughty girl ah... change quite alot after i so long nv see her. haha!

here are the pics!

took alot of "neoprints" and fun shots with my dear humorous sisters. cranky little ones at times. here goes...!

so proud of eugenia and melvin for taking bursary awards! bearing a good testimony and surely a light and salt of the earth. its only the beggining of them stepping into the "marketplace", know that they r gonna do well for Olevels! grandma went wiv eugenia to see her take her award for the first time! here r the pics after the ceremony...

and here's a little surprise shot for my family taken after service, and they look pretty bored waiting for the mrt.

Thx God for this fruitful week! He gave me alot of strength to pull thru this week. thx u God! :D alrite, im off to continue wiv my work. a great sunday to begin the week.. :) AMEN AND GOD BLESS!

new yr, val, my bday is coming!

2010-01-23T10:37:00.005+08:00

new yr is coming! my birthday is coming! valenine is coming! found this pic taken last yr during my birthday and new yr!

my fellow sku mates who are born in the same month as me =)

we celebrated birthday tgt! a cake baked by fiona =)

my big aunt brought me for a leg massage! woo...

new yr last yr. reunion dinner!

as usual, my father poses "unglamly". watch tv only mah, must pose one meh.

farewell to my ah gong after dinner!

moustaches sisters!

finally signed my members up for ministry, children church. yeah! at ease now.. this shall open a door for them to know more ppl and serve God at the same time =) im so glad Gwen is doing so much good work for God. she's an amazing woman i can say! being joy and gladys's children church teacher, she have to work, and do visitations buy stuff for "her" children, give bs, really take care of the children and even go for missions! she's really busy serving God and seeing her serving realli encouraged me to stay strong too. i pray that when eugenia and chormay go out to serve, gwen will be a guide to them to teach them and grow them. =D

ok i've just met the biggest jerk of my life! shall not talk abt it now. its not worth my time.

have been so encouraged to study lately! all thanks to Sarah's encouragement! awww.. but i had just broken my record of skipping sku on the 2nd week of sku. feel so down la, i wanted my whole year to be not absent at all. but yet.. urgh. anyway, the next few days of sku i wore knee support to sku. i think it doesnt help much, but anyway, the instruction say so, then wear lor.

have been running lately. body aching almost everyday. shows that my flesh is weak. man! crosscountry training mon, wed, fri. pe on wed and thurs. in case u guys think pe is playing, no. PE is tough as training. lols! no games, but run and sprint and intervals and drills. owww... this week i onli went for mon's training. fri no training and wed i cant go due to homecoming.

talking abt homecoming exam, its one of the worst day of my month! 3 hr paper straight and man, im so tired after a day in sku yet have to take 2 papers. well i did my best, i'll let God do the rest. still have one more paper nxt fri. maths! man, i fear maths cus i dont like maths since i was in pri sku, nevertheless i study it and make sure i get an A.

contented for this week for completing all my work on time! yeah! an alittle revision done! yeah! i'll make sure i prove everyone wrong that i can score well for Alevel! my mother has been rather discouraging. asking me to quite jc and go poly ah.. asking me to give up if i cnt study, saying i will fail and retain and waste one yr instead..keep asking me to give up! my grandparents have been criticizing me that when i go to church, im limiting myself of the time to study. i will prove them all wrong! this is my one and only chance to show them that WITH GOD I CAN DO GREATER THINGS! that God will guide me in my studies. i will prove themm all wrong that going to church is not limiting time to study, instead a time to renew my spirit and go further in my studies. i will prove my mother wrong that i will not retain and instead i will get into a U with brilliant grades!

what rina said was right, studying is glorifying God too. last yr i have neglected that . she encourage me to study well and get good grades to be a good testimony. well thats what exactly i shall do. after Alevel, 8 months of free break to serve as much as i want.

This is my encouragement to study, from sarah.

- we are christians by chance students, not students by chance christians.

- study is a God-like activity cus God is an engineer who created all. (everything is created by God and for God, he created studies, we should glorify his creation through studying well)

-have a spirit of excellence!

-God deserves our best

-Christ is the source of all wisdom

later some cg members gonna come my hse to help out with the drum shifting to jamie's . finally its gona get settled! yeah!!

1st week of sku already get caught by teacher for short skirt and wrong shoe. a bad impression to my new pe teacher. now he remembers me. =( i decided to go to the extreme. for the whole week i sort of wore quite long skirt to sku everyday. even my classmates say that they cnt get use to my new dressing. haha. ok now this is settled too.

lastly, what make my day is that the new building of our church is comfirmed! woah! me and jasmine, another girl frm our church are like talking abt this while walking to sku and feeling so excited! hahas.. makes my day man!

finally, i really feel the word for this season is that even though we have not yet harvested from our sowing, but GOD WILL BLESS US this day ( haggai 2:18 ) and this season if we do not lose hope and believe in whatever we pray will come to past. (mark/ matthew). shared this as offering msg ytd, and i hope it impact the members.

ciao!!

solution

2010-01-16T14:28:00.006+08:00

yeah a solution to my drums storage! hav a gd fren keeping it for me while i find a better solution. jamie allow me to put my drumset at his house for the time being. if not papa is gonna discard it. oh man. glad i got gd frens! i was wondering if it is a blessing to jamie too! cus he is taking drum lessons too but dont have a drumset at home to practice. hopefully it is a blessing to him cus he is a blessing to me. hahas..

gonna miss my drumset.. i tink it may be a good thing as i wont get distracted at home too. hopefully i need not trouble jamie for too long.

only when im parting wiv my drumset then i thought of having a memorial for it. hahas. i came up with a drum cover of PARAMORE - DECODE. heard musician club playing this song in sku the other time. then i was thinking hey, i didnt know it sounds so great live. ok, then gonna giv it a try for this song.

came up wiv my own playing style so its quite a little diff wiv the original drum cover. got some blemishes for this song =/ its quite obvious actually! =/ didnt played on time. its the first time im doing a recorded drum cover of song. alright, anyway here goes!

i got more to blog about actualli! ytd was a great day! got alot of encouragements and receive some revelations! btw our cellgrp blog is out!! hey cellgrp members, if u still dont know the password and username and blog add, pls give me a call and ask =)

this 1st week of sku was great. i have more time than last yr. guess planning seriously work things out alot better! i always plan in the end didnt follow.. aww.. this yr, gotta work harder and sleep less! average slping hrs thus week per day is 6 hrs. ok not bad. its an estimate la.

jia you felicia! jiayou in ur studies! lols! =) thx God!

2nd day of sku

2010-01-12T23:37:00.004+08:00

today, it felt like any other normal days in sku. bad hair day again.. lols! dont care.

tmr is open hse! tmr is INNOVA JC OPEN HSE! lols.. come if u must =) come and look arnd. just for fun, for leisure, for us. i hope i can leave sku earli! wana go back home early and complete some work.

today i withstand frm temptation. the temptation to stop working and go join my frens who are chatting and laughing away. haha. i went to the library alone and revise for my geog, did 1 qn o f maths, go thru GP sorethumbs. and that cost me 2hrs in the lib alrdy! studying alone is alot better seriously, i get so tempted to start talking with my frens arnd. so, yea i m a loner in studies. unless i find someone who cant talk, as my study partner. or probably that person must be someone im uninterested to chat wiv. lols! God is faithful, he will not allow me the temptations to be more than i can stand it. he will show me a way out so that i can endure... ;)

im tinking abt my problems again..so many difficulties i have to face now.. hard to name them down. oh man.. things like finding it difficult to do my priorties and stuff...awww..but fear not! this week, i came out with my weekly 5 verses from the bible. it keeps me going..

phil 4:13-14
forgetting the past and look forward to what lies ahead. press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prizefor which God, thru Christ Jesus is calling us.

thx u Jesus for the strength to carry on each day with an open heart..!

2010-01-11T23:05:00.004+08:00

1st day of sku..

awww...like a dream.. so dreamy and so misty and foggy!

feels great to be back in sku..and why? cus i dont feel like a walking zombie anymore. like in the holidays, slping so much and toooo much till i feel like im slping when im awake.

urgh..a little bad start and a good start. wasnt late for sku! yeah! and i woke up on my own! MY OWN! yes! im independent now hehe.. i hope this ability last foreva.. a bad start cus i talk too much that i gotta stand infront of my class =/ cus of this new VP lor.. discussing with my frens abt his hairstyle and blah blah blah.. u know, girls are like that.

okie, i was bad. real bad. i skipped cross country training camp! hah! i dont care now. cca is not on my list now. and guess wad! training on he first day of sku! lols.. and late 5.30pm. i cant afford the time to run now. unless, i realli need to. i guess i need to. yes i need it. perhaps next week? aww.. gyming is better than tracking.

ailing veri chio now. yes, veri cute. haha! she wans me to play sports wiv her tmr after sku. guess i shall stay back and play awhile then go do revision as i have alot of time in the afternoon after that.

Olevels results are out! congrats to BOB! can go poly courses now =D so proud of him! eugenia got back her DNT result, but doesnt wanna tell me =/

bad hair day today. bag was heavy today. alittle sloppy today. but...God is good today! He is. everyday! feels so good to walk to sku in the morn wiv my headphone on and my mp3 playing worships.. feels so good that i read my bible in the 25mins mrt trip. feels so good wiv Jesus beside me in the morning.

tomorow is gonna be a better day! ;D

papa was good today. no scoldings hehe. helped him to carry our unused wardrobe out to the rubbish dump. it was heavy. i didnt help much. he did on his own wiv his muscles. hehe.

this is for him for being good TODAY. lol.

an AWESOME night!

2010-01-09T23:21:00.005+08:00

ytd night went to a gig of whalen and clive's, sort of a concert at youth park with cleo's cg members. they did amazing! first time saw whalen played live on the drums. he's good =) very humble la... keep saying not good not good turns out he mixed well with the new band. at first thought he playing solo. oh actualli there's a band that he's playing for. awesome! he did 5 songs for the opening. songs like love drunk by boys like girls.

and then the key players came! oh..actualli whalen and frens r doing the opening for MCS! middle child syndrome. clive's band. they totally blew off the crowd! wah i wish u could see him play on the drums. he's young, but he is gooooood! =) MCS performed 15 songs. so u can imagine we stand there for very long.. total around 20 songs! hahas.. but its worth it la! the MCS is kinda pop and rock. i like it! they r young but wah.. talented. the vocalist sang very well too! wad amazed me is that before the whole performance start, clive walked to me and told me that he's using the drumsticks i gave him to play. wow so honoured haha. that was like more than half a yr ago, i gave him for his bday present soon after knowing frm him that his birthday is coming during youth camp. but eventually during the first few songs.. around 5 songs, he almost broke the drumsticks! lol.. maybe he did. woah.. he really did played hard and well ;)

so after the break, he came back with new sticks and continued the wonderful show! after the whole gig, i went to have dinner with cleo's cg. they r a bunch of lively kids! yar i should admit im a kid too. but at least im like the oldest there. hahas. ok so i got to know a few more frens there. they remind me of my cg. cus they were evangelised thru the same sec school too. exactly like my cg. and they are also almost the same age range. just like n411 =)

so funni..that each of the cg members helping whalen to carry the drum equipments. some with cymbals and some with stands. haha.. before we went for dinner, me and hing cheung were excited to see the live band playing at cineleisure.

there was a gig there too! i tink many bands took turn to perform there. and trust me, local bands are good too ;D we went there and just nice, that band that was playin was pretty awesome too. the vocalist oohh..cute and power. the main thing is not that he's cute, he sing well k. the crowd was pretty dead. so we tried to shout and stuff. they asked some qns on stage and we were the only one who shouted back, so probably they hav favour on us. lol. then after watching the next chinese band frm china performed, we went off. but before that, we asked the previous band for their myspace. unfortunately they dont have, but the guitarist or is it the bassist? anyway he told us to go youtube and search for orange cove. cool huh! so cute name also.

that's orange cove performing! ken kee took a video of them.

i went home to search for this band, woah they performed in quite a few gigs in singapore too. hing cheung introduced me some more local bands which he come to know off by chance. and got one band call "little green frog". i like the name! haha frogs..green.. anyway, the vocalist was great! she sing lik ah mei! and she went to japan to performed too. local band k. hing cheung invited me to her open gig in feb 24. yeah excited! perhaps we could get to talk to her there as hingcheung was asked to go there and see her. its an awesome band which i tink quite alot of ppl know too.

so many bands and stuff. its gettin me excited. hahas..

ok some random pics of joy and frens catching crickets and grasshoppers. ewww...they jump.

a place once me and my cousins ruled. now became their turf. haha.

bad news.. my drumset is homeless now =/

praying for a solution.. actualli im quite sad at first. but after looking unto Jesus, i felt that there will be a solution! hehe.

byes!