today is a happy day overall! went to riverwalk again for dev zone mtg.. Dev gave bible study and some talks from pastor ck. thought they are laying hands today, maybe its tomorow. =]
quite stress recently..usually when im stress i flare up easily and get into fights with my parents..felt quite stupid for flaring up! urgh..gave in to the devil and started shouting AGAIN!
when i thought i was ending a day quite fruitfully as i finally got myself to revise and do my econs assignments,in the end when i went home, got into a "for nth" arguement wiv my mom again! hais! regreted that.. dunoe tmr still got pocket money or not hahas~!
tmr training day again. missed 2 trainings this week! woke up late and stuff.. im lazi! giving myself excuses that im "sick" must be from the DEVIL! hais!!! i alrdy run so slow still laze arnd and dont even buck up! aiyoyo! =/
i have alot of dreams and "need to do"s not fufilled!
be a fashion designer bring in a cluster of innovians to church run 10min for 2.4km run below 24mins for 5km go for another triathlon be a drummer get at least 75% for econs mt up wiv sec sku frens own a cat start serving the elderly in church own a big hse to shelter over the poor and my family clear my room
receive a revelation on evangelism..gotta work hard on tat!
i miss alot of ppl who were part of my life last yr n dat dey are now gone frm my life..if u r reading this and u are not in my life now, YES! IM TALKIN ABT U! i miss violet alot too.. always want to contact her in the end too busi.. busi is just an excuse.. i miss the time we chat and laugh tgt! now she completely disapear frm my life T.T
i felt veri sad abt this..i miss weetong too! always want to call and chat wiv her, in the end onli view her blog to see her postings cus of "busi" again.. i miss chunheng when he was still hanging out wiv violet and mi.. i miss zhi peng,jupri,sean! rmb the days tat we still joke abt ppl's bad habits..
i miss my sec4 1st half of yr! alot happen to mi then.. i miss the days dat im so fortunate to have true frens! miss some of my church frens hu were once part of my life but now "gone" frm mi..some backslided. i cant explain how i feel now when i start to rmb how fortunate i was once. i should had treasured those days if i've known all these will be taken away from mi wivout my control and notice..
but life still hav to move on. i hav to pretend to move on even though im not, sometimes.. when i listen to some songs,memories of my dearest fren came to mi.
another thing that troubled mi seriousli is my grandparents. they had YET been saved, but i know eventually they will. but sometimes becus of waiting for a miracle, i grew tired and almost felt like giving up. someone once told mi if my granparent have stepped into church, they cant possibly run away from salvation anymore. it will eventually come unto them. i know when im saved, my whole household will be saved! but im desperate to see my grandparents get saved right this minute!
despite having to study,i will make an effort to visit my grandparents at least once a week,thats not enough for mi.. i love them so much. just last week, when i was sitting dwn after dinner at their hse, suddenli i felt that God look thru my eyes completely. i dunoe how to explain this but it seems like im in the shoe of another and i suddenly woke up and see my grandparents,uncles,aunties,cousins, walking around mi,doing their daily routine..and salvation has not come upon them,i suddenli visualise not seeing them in heaven, how does that feel.. that felt utterly depressing! seeing my grandpa walk past mi,imagining him not in heaven,imagining him in...i felt so depressed and started feeling a burden to bring them to christ.
i cried on the spot while siting dwn,watching them walking past mi to and fro doing their own stuff. i hide my tears and pretend nth happen. if i were to tell them wad i was thinking, they would hav said i am crazi. i held my tears and ran home. i couldnt stop crying, the more i think abt it, the more i let it out. i wanted to tell my sister eugenia wad i felt then but she was busi using her lappy. i just burst into tears infront of her uncontrollably,bearing the depressing thoughts in my mind.
she scolded mi as i couldnt bring myself to tell her how i felt as i couldnt even speak properly. the next day, the same feeling came to mi again, everywhere i walk, i see ppl wiv no aims,some has yet to receive christ,some are quite old and not much time left to get in contact with the gospel. i felt a heavy burden upon mi.. i wanted to tell someone how i felt,but nobody was there to listen to mi. and whenever i felt that feeling, i feel like breaking dwn. i noe crying cant help the situation, but its just a way of releasing my feelings and stress.
well that feeling lasted in mi still, i felt quite helpless to get my grandparents to church..i suddenly realise they are old! they hav grown old! =[
wad made mi burst into tears is tat when joy saw mi crying,she ask mi why i cry. den i tell her y,thinking that she wouldnt know wad im tinking abt. den she told mi dat my grandma told her dat she is dying soon. it hurt my heart so badly.. y would my grandma suddenli tell a 7 yr old girl abt her death? i ask my sister joy y my grandma suddenli said this. and she answered that becus my ah ma want to tell her that when she is not arnd,we must learn to cook ourselves and buy our own food becus she canot be arnd to cook for us. it hurt my heart so badly!
pls pray for my grandparents to receive salvation too. i love them alot but sometimes dunoe how to express my love to them..
Posted at 11:40 PM
Handwriten by Felicia.L
Profile
# Felicia Lee
# 19, valentine baby 140292
# cityharvest church
# schooled at Innova JC
# serving God whole heartedly
# love the color green!
# loves God
# loves my sisters,mommy papa,ah ma ah gong
# loves jamming
# u could say hi to felicia lee xue er on facebook
Wishes
# for my whole household to be saved!
# get good grades for "A" level! which i think i did alrdy :D
# to be happy everyday
# get a family makeover protrait
# earn lots of money when i grow up
# buy a big house for whole family to stay with ah gong ah ma
# able to make everyone else around me happy too
# have my own room and my own walk in wardrobe
