Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Grace upon Grace
i have so much to share but i hav forgotten some of what i wanna share, hope i recall :)
first of all, wanna share breakthroughs upon breakthroughs!
well many things happened this year for me and i start to firgure out perhaps why God put me into this situation and this time in my life.
thanks to Jesus for miracles that my singing route takes on a new challenge and level.
beside given the chance to perform and sing whichever sundays in timbre, i am also informed that i might be given a chance to work with the instructors and bands for wednesdays slots as well! i mean this is an honour for me, like what a small voice like mine could be chosen. beside this, my instructor is also preparing me for an audition for a month's show in timbre, where the best vocalist gets to sing for every tuesday on that specific month. thank God for nice instructor who are willing to invest the time and effort into new people like me. :)
all these little breakthroughs may seem very very little in others' eyes, but i see these as little stepping stones towards what God had called me, and given me to do.
besides in timbre, i have a very very great partner whom i work with. hmm, how do i call him, he is my boss, my ex instructor and also a friend. he is also the one who gave me many chances to build up what i have by bringing me down to teach in Minds. recently i have been told that i might be able to work further with him in the worship team! what an honour! i mean of course when i first heard it i felt "oh gosh, but i dont know anything and am not experienced...". i mean i am very excited that i can be given a chance to lead worship together, but at the same time doubt myself.
the very moment when i doubt my abilities, i felt God rebuked me and said to me " dont belittle what he had given me, make use of every opportunities he had given me and jump into them without pride nor ashameness of inexperience, for there is no gifts too small in his eyes". i was reminded of the song that britt nicole sang of "im not ashame, in being small enough to fit inside ur hands". i felt convicted that i have to see myself differently, which sha, my cellgroup leader told me to. :)
other than this offer, this boss or rather friend had also surprised me by wanting to sponsor me for drum lessons and also perhaps in future to endorse his own brand in drumkits! who i am to deserve all these, especially when i dont give my 100% at everything that i do. God is indeed good! very good to me.
there are other more breakthrus, the lists goes on and on...
How good has God been to me?!
i rmbed i sat on the bus by the window, thinking back how i started all these out, with stillno background in music, no training, no experience and no music theory and all. and then i compared to all the opportunities i am given now, i thank God. i am very touched at how much Jesus valued me in eyes. i felt so underserving of everything that i have now in my hands, but yet i am given much more than im expected. i grumble, i envy, i get jealous, i fustrate at little barriers that comes my way. most of all, i have this weakness in me where i almost have split personality. at times i boast to myself, and then other times i see myself so so so small and useless. How imperfect i am, yet God has been good to me!
"i take pleasure in my weaknesses and in the insults, hardships,persecutions,and troubles that i suffer for Christ. for when i am weak, then i am STRONG. " (2 cor 12:10)
how true is this verse. :)
most of the times i grumble about my life, about my finances, about my lack of time, about how much i gave but to get back nothing. but i forgot to look at what He has blessed me with. isnt all these little breakthrus blessings as well? instead of looking at how much i had received, shouldnt i look at how much i had gave out to do good?
i used to keep questioning God, where should i go, why and why and why he placed me in this wilderness where i am nowhere. every of my friends are in university now happily enrolled in their choice of course. but where am i? i use to think is it my grades? i even cried and thought that it must be something that i had done wrong?
i slowly come to realise now that He have his reasons for putting me here. and i start to figure them out piece by piece now.
"when my servants will humble themselves before me and pray, i will reveal myself to them".
i start to figure out why i am here and thru this period of time, i found out more or less what he has called me to do. this period is not just a rest or work time for me. rather, it is a precious training time. its not just in my music experience, but also a training for my spiritual growth and also a training for my future.
i felt more called into the community services. previously i had only heard thru the little revelations that i had, to do good in the social work sector. but its pretty vague as there are many sub branches under the big umbrella of social work.
i think, special education is what i am called to do or rather, what i felt i should obey and do as well. through my trainings and teachings in the special school i am in, i learnt alot. alot about the special kids and felt joy in teaching them. although i am tested alot in my patience, but nevertheless i enjoyed it.
besides serving in chcsa ministry in the house of joy by visiting and serving the elderly, i recently joined jams church as well. this is a very very big step for me.
1stly, i have not much time left for myself,much say serving. 2ndly, i have too much on my hands now to handle. 3rdly, am i ready for it? during the ministry calling service, i felt the holy spirit prompted me to join jams church, which i had long wanted to join but becus of many reasons didnt in the end. i felt very reluctant and wishes to ignore this calling to obedience. becus, i have already spent much of my time in the house of joy ministry for the elderly. i wonder, where would i have the time, the energy to drain myself in another minsitry?
nevertheless i went and joined, putting aside all the mental barriers and physical lackings. seriously speaking, i felt very very tired, working and running here and then 7days per week with not much time to rest. but i felt what i am doing is fufilling, and its not just that, everytime i went and serve in jams be it visitations or service, it always touches me somehow and i tear at the faith and strength that the leaders have in jams, and how devoted and protected the students are in jams. it just touches me that there is still pure love towards people like them with special needs.
i got to admit at times i am scare of the more rough ones who bites and pinches, but looking through the surfaces of all these disabilites and lack of self control, there lies a pure longing and love for God that is more true and genuine than many others who appears to be very committed in minsitries, and very committed in church. at least this is what i think.
"it is easier for a child to enter the kingdom"
"keep ur hearts pure and i will reveal myself to u"isnt purity the best key to search for Jesus? :)
instead of me teaching he students from jams church, they taught me alot, and i learnt alot from them through their purity.
recently i dont know why people are questioning me why dont i sing in church? yeah thats very true and i thought about it seriously. hmmm, frankly, i would rather use my voice to worship Him than to sing anything else, becus i believe thats why He gave me this unique voice. beside for singing the contemporary songs, more than ever, i believe i am made to sing to and for Him. how much i would rather long to worship Him.
"i would rather spend a thousand days in ur court, a thousand days cannot compare to one day in ur court"
i have so much on my hands, i spend much of my time already in the chcsa and jams church. but for once i felt so desperate to meet Him and know and feel him ever more, just like obedom wanting to serve in all kinds of ministries, as long as he gets to get near God's addictive presence.
"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (phil 1:6)
when He had given us the talents and gifts or even opportunities, He shall bring them into completion like he promised.
Job 23: 13-14
"But once He has made his decision, who can change his mind? Whatever he wants to do, he does. So He will do to me whatever he has planned. He controls my destiny.
this post is inspired by rachel, whom prompted me to continue posting when im tired to share.
thanks rachel! :)
lastly,
Galatians 6:7-9
"Don’t be misled- you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant."this is very true, as to ministries as well. becus like what adiel my jams zone supervisor shared, we cannot never lugi(lose out) when we serve God in minsitries or in other ways.
Ciao! :)
Posted at 12:34 AM
Handwriten by Felicia.L
