Saturday, November 7, 2009

I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE..

for a moment i thought im enjoying myself and my life that God has given me..

then a call comes from my form teacher and she broke to me the news that i may not get approved by the school and principal to go oversea on 16nov with my family..

my mother complains that i don't spend time with them, is it what i wanted? of course i wanted more time to go out with them! she called me ytd for many times, but becos my phone was not with me and it went out of battery, she complains that i refuse to pick up calls. is it what i wanted that my phone went out of batt? she said that what if a fire broke out at home, how is she gg to contact me and even if a fire broke out at home, i would not know becos i dont put family first. that's what she says.. she said that i always go out, nv put family first? she dont even know im fighting and crying and always weep, trying my best to get the permission from sku to leave for the family trip. it's not just that my sku dont allow, its that i will miss my release of results, a compulsory camp, lectures and maybe even affect my pw handing up of gpf. and if i go oversea with them, and in the event that im suppose to be present in sku to sign my documents for pw, im gone, totally gone for Alevel PW.

my teacher is right now trying to help me too, to get the permission to leave sku too, but she said that i miss so much and the principal will most probably dont allow. so, is it my fault again that i DONT WANT TO JOIN MY FAMILY? first of all, the tickets were book so early, i dont even know when my sku end yet, and the dates chosen are like the most impt days im suppose to be present in singapore and in sku. is that coincidence? i believe its a trial that i have to go thru..

i want to go so badly! so badly wiv my family, becos its the first time our whole family, sisters and parents gg oversea together. seriousli its the first time. i know if i miss it, i will cry my eyes off in singapore for the three days alone at home. and when my sisters are back, they are going to laugh at me and show and tell me all the fun stuff that they did, and laugh that i wasnt there. i know they are going to say "we are glad u didnt went". they always dont wan me to go out with them, and i hate eugenia saying "u r not part of our family la!" and now joy even says that to me when i go out with them. stuff like " the whole family dont like u" . jus becos i dont spend enuff time wiv them? i hate them! and thats y sometimes i rather that i dont go out with them. and my mother even say that to me? she said that " i rather ustay at home, dont come out with us, ltr we argue again" how could she say that? my whole family is crazy! infact i sort of hate them. they dont treat me like one of them. and now im trying my best begging teacher to let me off for holiday with them is it worth it?

i have to get scolded by my pw teacher and i mean SHOUT literally, she dont scold, she shout at me, making me demoralise, she hurt me by saying veri mean stuff like "u r the worst student i have ever seen.." and many more. i have never seen any teacher like her, jus becos she have high expectation for student doesnt mean she can malign me for the worng doings that i did not do. anyway, she is not going to believe me. and when i try to explain to her that i contribute to my grp project, she say im arguing back and push the blame on me. she is a super condemnful. she says that she is gg to drop my grade for this Alevel subject? hu is she, hu is she to condemn and to hurt and to make choices that she think is right when she haven even search for the truth yet? she is a nice teacher by nature but becos she thought i was a "bad" student, she malign and started treating me like one.

my parents dont even know how much depression that i have to go thru in sku. i dont even want to talk to my frens for that period of time when my teacher scream at me.. i jus hide myself and cry and cry, i wish i was dead, i really wish i will cry myself to slp and jus die there. i wish i could have the guts to jump off the buildings and jus end my sorrowful life.

my teacher say i dont balance my sku work well and i nid more time on it. my family say i nid more time to spend with family. my hearts tells me that im not spending enuff time in building up my cg and ministry. whats with all these? with so much to balance? sku work and schedule is taking up almost all my day. and ocasionally after sku i go down for some mtgs with ldrs or some other stuff in church. and by the time i rch home, i am worn out. i dont spend enuff time wiv family, i dont spend enuff time with my sku work?

my best fren said sth hurtful to me. she said "stop gg to church la!" that's out of the qn.

i got to solve this problem. i got to figure a way out soon to get approvement from sku to go oversea to spend time wiv my family asap. the date is nearing. its just next next monday. have so much to do now. my OP is coming..the assessors are coming. my results are releasing soon. all these i got to face. i hope for a miracle to happen now. i do not know what to do that will make the ending a best one. all i know is, i got to fly wiv family, i dont wan to go on being wronged...

Posted at 1:22 PM

Handwriten by Felicia.L

Tuesday, November 3, 2009
once in a blue mooooon post

A conversation between papa and gladys

joy is getting annoyed and angry of papa cus he keep "suaning" and lecturing her of not wasting money on game machines..

and there my father goes..keep lecturing joy all the way home..

gladys: " papa, u know ytd we learn in children church, the message on OMITTING OTHERS BAD PAST? then y u keep reminding joy joy of her wasting her money n keep repeating and repeating the same thing to joy?"

papa: " omitting means u can ONCE IN A WHILE remind the person of her bad points, so now i remind her so she will learn. once in a while remind la LOL" (think he meant it as a joke)

WAH..if ppl around me are like my papa, then i will be so scare to wake up to hear ppl nagging of my past's bad habits and deeds.

Halloween

spent halloween at CNIS hostel. seriousli its my first time realli realli celebrating halloween. well Tizane brought her father's CD on some kinda monk "nian jing" to make the atmosphere more creepy. yea, it gives mi creeps..

xue en dresses realli like a devil, like someone guarding the hell gate, haHAS! rina was great, she wa realli passionate for the ppl. she did all she can, spread fake blood on her body and face!

we had fear factor, ewww.. and the unlucky ones have to eat..yes real insects. fried ones.. we have crickets, large grasshopper, maleworms.. and and not forgetting "shit". the shit is made up of peanut butter spreaded on a diaper.. seriousli look like shit! i "stole" from my grandma house a diaper. my cousin's diaper! hehe.. chou chou..

we had haunted house too, actualli its not as scary but because the school or hostel was realli dark, the atmosphere was made more creepy. its veri dark in the haunted house room. they off the lights but LEFT THE AIRCON ON for the "ghosts". some girls are afraid to step in and participate in the haunted house game..hmm, heard that they see some things in sku before?

all thanks to weiyu, freeman,ryan, sam, joshua and guys for making this haunted house possible.

especially, all thanks to our CGLS xue en, Tizane, Vincent for making this halloween outreach possible. can tell that the ppl realli enjoyed themseleves.

hope to be back for visitation soon and praying for breakthru in our relationship with the ppl there.

thank God for financial blessing.. yea! its a surprise. after Alevel chinese receive sms that i got some money for the last gigs that i played. it was so long ago, almost forgot about it. =] MJ's this is it was ok..not like wad i expected, but pretty authentic. maybe u should watch it. inspires mi sort of.

aand lastly, although i realli dun like PW.. but God =, pls bring mi through this.. its ending!

oh yar.. joy caught some cute soft toys and keychains for me at the machine. sweet? lol..cus she couldnt caught the ones she like, and gave me hers. man, im realli bad at catching them. i CAUGHT NOTHING. maybe the pure and innocent are always simpler and direct..

ok,gotta set new goals now since my year is ending soon.. man, i have so much to tidy up for the year. physically and psychologically.

Thank God! =]

Posted at 1:04 AM

Handwriten by Felicia.L