I fell, and was hurt, but thx u Jesus, for picking me up again with a smile :)

Hey ppl! This is the new me in my NEW ARMOUR. (muahaha!)

Things has been tough for me.

Especially when the date of the interview/audition to lasalle is coming and that the date of appeal results are coming out.

But what can i be afraid of? seriously, God has taken care of everything. Whatever the result is, im sure that is what God has planned for me. For He is doing something NEW with my life right now in ways i cannot see and may not understand now

i got so much to catch up and do. and so many things to attend to, so many frens to catch up with, so many things to help out and plan. i cant split time and i m not good with maximising my time. but Im gonna trust God he will open up pathway for me, more open doors for me even thou i only have that short 24 hrs a day.

truly, when I TAKE CARE OF HIS KINGDOM, HE SHALL TAKE CARE OF MINE. ( my problems my struggles). this is rather true.

i struggles with music theory and serously i have no background at all. im like hmm.. super super lousy in music. wah thinking abt it i felt so inferior and totally small to the max man.

but im gonna just give it a shot. its now or nerver, and most imptly, when He has decided on sth, what can possibly stops Him?

i wanna thx God for still using me, even thou im like almost nth, a lousy servant.

he used me in ways that shock me.

what? God? u want me to still do these even thou u had long ago saw how i bad handle it back in my previous zone? why am i always being called to do the same thing? why me? what god? u still want me to lead? and even shine when im not very good?

all the more, im happy He has chosen me and use me. infact im honoured He chose me. but seriously these thoughts come to my mind like how little i am, yet He still wanna make use of my small gifts.

Thank God for not giving up on me. i must admit i m truly nth without the grace of God.



I AM WHERE I AM BY THE GRACE OF GOD.



u tink im good? sorry i gotta tell u, thats a facade. God is making me look good , im just taking his credits.

i gotta admit my biggest flaw. im PROUD. im so proud that i can boast even to myself BAHAHAHAAA. ok la enough. im proud that i forgot He is the one that made me look good, not me. I AM WHERE I AM BY THE GRACE OF GOD.

its just contradicting. in some areas im totally proud and confident and maybe over confident, but in other areas fears and intimidation just overcome me. i gotta balance this man.. i gotta.

Daniel 10:12 NLT version
"Then He said, "Dont be afraid daniel, since he first day u began to pray for understanding and to humble urself before ur God, YOUR REQUEST HAS BEEN HEARD IN HEAVEN."

There is no miracle too small. Dont give up on YOUR EXPECTATION. ur miracle might just be one that SHAKES HELL.

I WONT GIVE UP. i will persist in prayer and wont let go of his cloak untill He answers my prayer.

well i dont know whats my next step in life now.

All is well and i depend on God.

ciao! :D

~My Blessed Week~

This is a summary of how my week had gone. this is a post i posted on my cellgroup group's wall which very much sums up my thoughts.

"Hi cellgroup! Hope all of ur week has been good! I just wanna share sth. Im officially rejected by all local universities! NUS, NTU, SMU rejected me for my ABD/D grade for Alevels. Its a hard reality for me to accept seriously. I was so depressed for 2 whole days after my last letter of rejection came. I dint approach anyone to talk about it, but just prayed and really broke down infront of God. I don’t even wanna talk to my mom nor my close sisters. I felt downright lousy and useless and i felt that there were injustice in this world that people who could possibly score worse than me and also did not put in as much effort, still got in Uni. I felt super duper lousy.

But it was only for 2 days, after praying and hearing from God, i began to speak up to my parents and faced reality. My parents were encouraging and im rather surprised! Even my grandparents! I thought they would look down on me. I drown myself in the word of God as much as i could. I felt so safe in his presence, knowing my future is in his hands, not mine. I cried out many times that “LET UR WILL BE DONE AND NOT MINE” so that i may fufill my calling and not just live my way the glorious way i want it to be. I felt that the worse has happened to me, and i am not afraid anymore for whatever that comes my way for i have faced the biggest fear in my life already!

Never have i felt so much joy in my life! People may think im crazy, i don’t get in U yet i get so happy. But seriously im rejoicing everyday and praising his name when i wake up everymorn. I felt so energize and joy just began to fill my heart so much that i felt nth is gonna stop me from tumbling down anymore! For the worse has happened. I felt that i grew stronger. In cg mtg last week, seeing everybody praising so happily and sharing, i felt so happy, joy just filled my heart so much so that i felt that i dun feel a single grief of the failure that i had.
Many verses pop up in my mind every now and then. They are...

Isaiah 43:18-19 But forget all that- it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do SOMETHING NEW. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

Haggai 2: 18 I am giving u a promise now while the seed is still in the barn. Though you have not yet harvested your grain, and your grapevines, fig trees, pomegranates and olive trees have not yet produced their crops. BUT FROM THIS DAY I WILL BLESS YOU.

2 Corinthians 12: 9- 10 Each time He said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the POWER OF CHRIST CAN WORK THRU ME.. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses and in the insults, hardships, persecutions and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am STRONG.

Galatians 6:7-9 Don’t be misled- you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always HARVEST what you plant.

Job 23: 13-14 But once He has made his decision, who can change His mind? Whatever He wants to do, He does. So He will do to me whatever he has planned. He controls my destiny.

I felt God telling me that He is doing something NEW with my life now, even thou i cant see it visually, but He assures me that He will open up my wasteland now to open doors and breakthroughs. I felt God’s grace is all i need. Nothing is gonna stop Him from controlling my destiny for when He has made His decision, NOTHING CAN STOP HIM. Even if more obstacles will come, i know He will surely provide me with the strength i need for He knows the way im going, and when He has tested me, i will come forth as Gold.

Im depending fully on God now for my future, i do not know where i may be heading now, but wherever He leads me, i will follow. Im not ashamed to be rejected by Uni, for i take pleasure in hardships. For I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work thru’ me.

Sorry for the looong naggy post. Well i look forward to cellgroup mtg again and hope this blesses u for the week that WE CAN TRULY OVERCOME ALL WITH CHRIST. People and the world may fails us, but God will never fail us. I am truly experiencing great and abundant joy now and hope u guys feel it too in the midst of ur respective mountains :D "
.........................................................................................................................................................

I wanna thank God for giving me all the strength that i need to pul throught this toughest year of my life. who says Alevels is the toughest of all, facing a route where u have nowhere to turn to is the toughest for me. By the grace of God, i picked myself up and here i am! till praising Him! nth's gonna stop me now :D

i wanna thank God that MIRACLES DO HAPPEN.

1) i finally picked up my courage to visit my grandparents and aunties uncles after 3weeks-1mth of time now meeting them. i knew what they gonna ask me. "how's my uni application". i thought they would despise me, laugh at me, mock me for i am a Alevel grad, to them im suppose to go Uni and if i dun go, i will be a total disgrace and what i fear most is that they will laugh at me seriously. like "felicia finally had her day!" cus they r ppl who like to compare with neighbour and sibing's children. since i "failed to get to U", i must have disgraced them.

but guess what! i prayed before going and God answered my prayers! my grandma asked me how is my Uni application, and the moment i told her i was rejected, she says "go and complain why ur score cnt get in, call the university up! singapore education system like that?!! dont let ppl go Uni! no such thing..." so does my grandpa! he said the same thing! i felt so so so touched. they didnt blame me for disgracing them. instead my grandma say "the most impt thing is that u work hard". WOW. God u surprises me. is God speaking thru my strong budhhist believer grandma? if its is, WOW x100. i did my best and i will let God do the REST.

best of all, both my 3 aunties were so encouraging! im totally amazed! one aunt who compares me to her daughter didnt pour me cold water, instead she just ask me out of concern and im so so so glad! the other aunt gave me solutions of other available Uni which i find useful but i m trusting God more now than the worldy available resources. it doesnt mean i wont go look for alternatives, i still gotta do my BEST let God do the REST. The other aunt who always pour cold water, when she knew i sang at timbre, she played the video so loud in my grandma hse and i felt so embarass at first, but then she began to say good stuff like she is amazed at me! wow! these words came out frm her mouth! God indeed is amazing!

IM COMING HOME JESUS. this is the 1st time i visit my grandma hse after so long with guilt in my heart, yet God surprises me with total five shocking responses towards my Uni application rejection news and my performance at timbre. INDEED GOD IS GOOD.

when i ask in Jesus name, He gave me what i wanted.

2) my father hasnt been very encouraging last time. i dont even know how to break to him the news that im not accepted into any Uni. my mom told him, and surprisingly HE DID NOT BLAME ME NOR SCOLD ME. i think he knew i did the best i could. (i saved him 2 years of sch fees for i went in express stream and went JC). probably on account of my hard work? well, it must be God. again, God did exceedingly abundantly above what i ever ask for! my papa instead of scolding me, he straight away gave me solutions, call up his clients and ask about the available Uni. im touched! whats more touching is that, HE CAME DOWN FOR MY TIMBRE PERFORMANCE! oh gosh! he is the no.1 unexpected guest! he always think "my music is useless".

when i rebelliously bought home a drumset, he said its rubbish. when i watch videos of covers he say waste time. nth about "my music" is sense to him as he felt if only i can earn money with music, he will allow me to do all these. but WOW! my dad came down to support? is my papa proud of me? well he sure must be! the nxt night he told me his client's gf open a record or music company. He told me to burn a cd or upload on youtube for he want to send it to his client's gf to check out my videos and see whether i got any opendoors for performance! wow! i mean i m no into signing contract or releasing album solo or sign up with record company ( not saying im good or anything). but i never thought of that. i wanted to decline my dad's offer, but i felt well, since he offered, i might as well show him my enthusiasm and accept his indirect "praise" to me? woohoo! and he requested to see the video i sang at timbre! and when he see, he begins to comment and say im too stiff BUT i caught the audiences' awareness whereby all of them turned to look at me the moment i open my mouth, and he said that this alone shows i got what it takes already.

WOW. this from my dad? wohooo! i am so happy the crowd that night was soooooo extremely gooood to me! when the live band played, they just ate and talk instead of looking at the stage but when i played, THEY ALL TURNED AND FACE ME SUDDENLY?! AND CHEERED! WOW! seriously i am so amazed at what God is doing! its not like i sing very well or what. before i sang, i prayed for annoiting to come upon me and that favour of man may be upon me as well. and wow! i forgot lyrics yet they cheered for me more than ever?! wow i m simply amazed! what i am most amazed of is that my OWN FATHER ACKNOWLEDGE MY PASSION AND TALENT.wow! which means he SUPPORT ME! WOW!

my mom has been extremely supportive. i felt i did bad to her as i complained to her stop spreading the video to her collegues of the song i sang at timbre as i felt embarassed or sort of shy? and i question her why she keep replaying my song every single time and listen to it repeatedly in the train on her hp! i shouldnt have stop her, i felt bad. i have such A GREAT MOTHER! I should thank God abt it as my mom support me mentally ( althou not financially)! i mean whose mother will listen to their daughter's voice and replay it over n over again at home and on train? wow. THANK U MOMMY.

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i kept thinking thinking about what sha shared in cg mtg about what we will never know of our impact on others. this poem my bestie friend rachel link me to, basically sums up what sha said.

YOU NEVER KNOW (POEM)

You never know when someone
might catch a dream from you.
Or something you say
may open up the windows of a mind that seeks light;
the way you live may not matter at all,
but you never know, it might.

And just in case it could be
that another's life, through you,
might possibly change for the better
with a better and brighter view,
it seems it might be worth a try
at pointing the way to the right;
Of course, it may not matter at all,
but then again, it might.

-unknown

WOW. so had i impacted someone? or cause someone to come closer to God? or be more open up to Jesus?

i guess i had! just like how my bestie friend share and inspires me, i guess i sort of encourages her indirectly to know more about God too and now she got a testimony to share to me even before she accept christ! she felt God's love alrdy.. im so glad! another way i think i had encouraged someone to show her talent is thru my daring post of my awkward singing live videos. i sort of guess that my fren posted her songs too becus of me? ppl need to see someone breaking the ice first before doing it themselves. and im glad to be the first to break the ice :) and btw! my that fren responded to accepting Christ! wow surprises me! long story, but im somehow touched by her faith even thou it is only mustard seed small now, but it can overcome all mountains! and i met up with a fren who just broke up with bf and left church. well i hope what i says to her truly encourages her and impacted her! :D

we never try we never know. we might have impacted someone by that short remark or sentence we say. its either MAKE or BREAK it. so say something encouraging instead of using our sharp tongue to shoot ppl down which i need to constantly remind myself. :)
wanna share abt another stufff but guess im tired alrdy.
NOTHING IS GONNA ROB AWAY THE JOY I HAVE IN JESUS. :)

So thankful for my supportive frens who came down to support me for my 1st time singing live in timbre. seriously its really casual and its like nothing. Bur the holy spirit reminds me that i should not despise my youth and what im doing. :)

ciao! xD

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