Thse are the pictures that speaks my day. :)
i went to my quiet corner again and read the cook call "extraordinary" by john bevere.
i have been chasing that book ever since FOP and went to many shops like tecman and attributes. even precious thoughts and others where this book is all sold out! i almost gave up until i ask chorlin, my friend to lend me her's. thinking that she must have not finish reading the book, it might take meanother long while before i get to read that book. but she borrow me immediately the next day! woah! praise God!
i started reading the book two days ago where i just gotten it from her.
it was great! revelational and the book speaks to me alot. :)
anyway i lost my bible exactly one month ago! 4weeks and 1 day had passed. it made me sad :( that i couldnt find it back. andi mean real sad. my bible is like part of my life and it feels weird without it when its so dear to me. losing it its like losing the past memories with God, and there were so many little notes and highlights which inspires me, encourages me time to time inside there. i couldnt bear to lose it and buy a new one as it might get me some time before i get use to the new font and version of the bible.
this is my 2nd time losing bible. the first time made me really miserable as its given to me buy someone and its my 1st bible ever. i could have said that i went thru thick and thin with it, it contains tears, happiness and lotsa memories!
becus im always so blur, unattentive, forgetful like a sotong, i lost it both times in church. it must have been that when we werestanding up to worship and i left my bible on the chair and it slides down underneath and i forgot to catch it and check whether its in my bag. :/
anyway i wanted to get a new one after weeks of searching but to no avail. but of course deep down in my heart how i hope i could get my lost bibles back, it would have made things so much easier than getting a new one. during offering time, i wrote down o he back opf the envelope like ow i always does. i wrote down, "God, let me find back my bibles or let me get a bible soon".
and guess what, as i was about to buy a new bible, my sister surprises me! joy told me cheekily to look under my pillow and said "da jie, did u drop ur tooth? check under ur pillow!".
i dont know what she meant and was like "what la...dont bother me la..".
but anyway after her nagging i went to check under my pillow and immediately when i saw that there is a new bible that look like my 1st one, i screamed in awe! and inside of the bible, it wrote that its frm eugenia! my dear sister!
yeah im so touched that i literaly cried. yea yea i know its alittle exxagerating but that shows how desperate i am alrdy to get a bible.
yeah! so im happy today! bahahaa. best of all, my sisters surprises me and bought for me!
thank u eugenia! thank u joy (even thou u didnt pay for it). and even thou i dont understand why joy hint with a qn "da jie did u drop ur tooth, search it under ur pillow!".
lol! hehe and these are the pics we took...
these are the recents photos i got and an update to my life. :)
pris, jean and me at the house of joy during the durian national day celebration. what a great day!
official opening of house of joy- elderly cozy centre. back to the 80s. hehe.
im thinking, that i should reflect regularly everynight by postings my little reflections here. given my laziness, i hope i can do that. hmm...
i think reflections are good, it gets me thinking whether what i did for the day is worthwhile or just keep me on track on my "timeline" of life.
recently, i have been haging out on my "secret hiding place", nah..actually its just a place where i could sit quietly and listen to some worships and sometimes read the bible and some chritian living books. i like it there. everytime i talk to God there, its enjoyable and refreshing. its a place where nobody will "harrass" me. :)
ive been thinking about whether what im doing pleases God and whether im on the right track that He wants me on. well, but one thing, i need not know the answer because whether am i on the right track or not, He shall bring me back everytime.
during ministry weekend service, i heard from Him that He wants me to step out to join jams church. seriously i was reallyreally hesitant.
"i am busy enough, besides im already in chcsa cope, why God?"
but on the other hand, i am really interested in stepping in as i actually have a heart and am interested to know more about the people in jams.
whats stopping me is the time factor.
well, i went for it anyway.
actually i feel pretty fullfilling, leading everyday doing some thing i like and getting to know more about the special needs people and try my best to help them. have i updated that im currently working in a special school as a teacher? its very fun there i must say althou its tirring day in day out. the kids there range frm 3 years of age to 10 years old. all of them are so adorable and they always never fail to cheer me up haha! some of them,actually most of them cant talk even thou they are way past their normal talking age. some have autism, some have hyper. they all have different varying autism degrees and most cant communicate.
at first i thought that given their young age, how would people even realise they are special kids? but when i went there, i realise that most of them are lagging behind their normal age friends. and the reason why they were send to a special school is so that they can be trained, educated and grow up to be like normal people, being independent and hopefully to enter mainstream schools.
i felt a strong calling or a passion to help them. but with what i know about them, im nowhere near "real help" to them. so i went to the library to borrow some books on autism. and realises that there is a whole deal i haven realise! and thx God for inspiring these authors to produce these books for people like me who are untrained to read them.
i felt bad that my body clock is not back yet as in i cant turn in and sleep early where it actually spoils my morning in the school. i get sleepy here and there and couldnt focus nor concentrate. or perhaps its becus of my medicine drowsiness. becus of this i felt that im not giving my best to the students there. i may not be involve in actual teaching sometimes or perhaps i could even just be there to babysit and doing some miscellaneous stuff, but i feel i should still give my best to them, even thou my minds nag at how little they pay me and stuff.
but all in all, the priorty are the kids seriously. i have been feeling a little discouraged lately when some people ask me what im doing and i told them im teaching in a special sch and they start questioning me about the pay and the job scope and stuff. their reactions may be discouraging at times and makes me question why am i even doing this? often, many people ask me what am i doing now after Alevels and when i told them i couldnt get in any local Uni and am STILL waiting for a reply frm private uni like SIM, the response that i get are sometimes dissapointing as if they are trying to comfort me. all these at times make me question "God, is it all worth it? why am i even here doing these and waiting and waiting?"
i really hope what im doing pleases God and am on the right track. perhaps God has brought me here and made me realise more indepth what kind of social work field i am more interested and called into. i must admit i dont like to teach but i do have a thing with children as i really love kids. perhaps im called into this field? i must admit i really enjoy working in the special sch. what can be better than to work with children- my passion.
today, i went to jams church and help out with the busing. as i get to know more of the people in jams, i grew alittle desperate as i imagine how would the little kids frm special schs cope when they grow up? can they talk fluently like some of them who could in jams? most of the people in jams are adults alrdy and when i see them, i could picture how the little kids will grow up to be doing. the people in jams seems fine and most can talk and comunicate. which is a bliss, for those who still cant open their mouth and speak like those kids in my special school. as most kids with autism have speech delay.
some times when i work thru the day, i really really feel like giving up, feeling unequipped, tired, useless... i feel tired having to go out every day and specially that even weekends, i burn them all off with little rests. i enjoy every saturday morning being at house of joy with the chcsa peopel and elderly, but when i think about even sunday i have to be going out and not resting and chilling at home , i sometimes would feel tempted to give up doing what im doing. "oh God, give me more rest times..."
but at the end of the day, i get the satisfaction and does with no regrets. even thou i feel that my body may be failing me, but the spirit within me is burning with energy!
recently, i gave up another night job as i am at my wits end already, my body is telling me to rest more. on my last day of the night job as i approached the bus stop, there is a blind caucasion uncle asking for directions. immediately i feel the prompting to help him. as i chat and directed him and waited with him for his bus to arrive, i suddenly was reminded of how randomly, and perhaps God brings me to help another blind uncle months ago to bring him to a church and sent him back home. i wonder how he is and really hope he is fine. suddenly i was reminded of a phrase that says something like at time in life we may help entertained angels that God sent down. and i was just wondering, woah, couldnt be man. these uncles couldnt be the entertained angels whom God sent down to test my compassion.
coincidentally, both uncles were blind, both were coming or going to church nearby, both were asking for bus directions. and both speak a word into my life both indirectly and directly. this time, this caucasion partially blinded uncle spoke to me directly these words when i volunteered to wait for his bus together with him. he told me...
"Dont give up. keep doing what u r doing now. dont be discouraged at what people may say. sometimes people will say things that discourages u, but continue to do what u r doing! u will becoe a successful person."
of course at times like these i felt really touched that what amazing things God can do by sending ppl to me to speak to me directly. the uncle hold my head to him and whispered these words to my ear and after saying he kiss my hair as if to comfort me.
i was stunned but not shocked. becus these exact words i heard it not in audible voices in my head, but i felt that was what God was trying to tell me a few times when i grew wary in doing good and feel like giving up.
the last time i sent the previous blind uncle to church and brought him back home, God spoke indirectly to me. when i ask the uncle why he wantedto go 3 churches in one weekend when its so inconvenient for him to travel especially when he is blind and know no one in the church? he told me...
"worship ye su, hao hao. ye su hao hao" (in english it means worship jesus is good, jesus is good).
these simple words actually made me teared and when i see how he worships as i accompany him to sit in for church service, i felt very touched that people of this world who were given eyes to see, cant seem to see God and worship more genuinely and innocently with purity than a blind and disabled man. but a blind man such as this uncle could actually go all out just to praise and worship God in church even thou it costs him so much inconvenience.
it made me realise how much we need to put away everything and just trust God with whatever our circumstances may be. it challenges me that what more could i do, to help or even to serve, given a full abled body given by God?
Thinking about the monday to fridays working with the special kids in kits4kids special school, teaching the special kids music in MINDS and my weekends burn off with chcsa serving at house of joy and jams church, i can grow all weary just thinking about it. but i know, the results is worth it. God's love is worth the risk, worth the wait.
rather than saying how much i have helped these people, i would rather say that they have helped me instead, enriches me, inspires me and motivated me to serve God more and most of all, they brought me closer to God and made me realises God is actually there for all of us, despite our disabilities. :)
alright, tomorrow will be a better day, i shall look forward for more instead of thinking how tirring it would get. for i know all these are worthwhile for the glory of God's kingdom.
thx u Jesus for the strength and pulling me thru everyday's procrastinations and temptations to give up half way and helping me to overcome them!
ciao! :D
