Wednesday, June 2, 2010
much thinking.
ive been lazing arnd.. for too loong. too much... too much for my own good!
no this is not the way to start a thoughtful post.
hmm...pretty discouraged at times. especially recently.
i just feel so lousy of myself. i feel that i have accomplished nth. or if have, not much to mention.
i feel like im like a overgrown kid.
at 18, im suppose to be thinking like an adult, acting and working like an adult.
im suppose to achieve some things.
urgh..i feel so useless. unaccomplished and urgh... just lousy.
still studying in JC. urgh.. im still studying! i mean u do expect ppl this age still studying.
but i consider that 18, still relying on parents for money, seems very..
very dependent. im not even working.
18. sounds like a rather old age still asking for money. i suddenly realised this.
i suddenly realised i had grown. im 18! yet im not helping out at home, but still taking allowances. urgh!!! i wanna earn big bucks la seriously. hehe.
and thinking that i gotta finish my education only after U, which is like latest 22, i still have 4 dependent yrs ahead. 22, is old. urgh. coming out of U, doesnt even guarantee a job. and if u get a job after U, it doesnt pays for all ur hard years of work studying. spent so much money and time in education. yet not all is used in ur JOB. argh...
studying. education is just a qualification. i wanna a achieve sth, young.
not after U which is like 22. ahhh! its quite late then.
yea, everyone say "marry a rich guy and enjoy life". if that exists, who wouldnt want. LOL.
cmon girls, lets face it. work for ur future. not waiting for this ideal guy. study. not studying for ur parents, but STUDY FOR UR OWN FUTURE.
seriously la, what can education offer. both my parents are perfect testimony that with low level of education still guarantee great earning jobs. are they discouraging me to study now? i've got no choice. i just got to. if not, i'll just lose out, or hang on the fence half complete.
my dad only have primary school education yet with his hard work, he's earning loads now.
he's been naggy "study so hard also doesnt get u earning bucks" . trying to say that he's earning much now without a educated background. contradicting right? at the same time he ask us to study hard and not waste the money he pump into our studies.
urgh.. i feel so dependent. i wanna be cut off from this reliance. i've never taken any tuition classes in my whole life. to have gotten this far, ive done it all becus of God. He gave me all the wisdon that i need. i wanna pull thru this irritating Alevel which is bugging and slowing down my progress in life. becus of it, i cant pursue what i want. yet with it, i can pursue more. how paradoxic.
i wanna pursue higher without being overambitious. can i? without Him i cant. only with God, i CAN.
ok enough of all my complainings! :)
life is not all bad. the greener pasture is still on my side all this while.
in my growing up years, i realise God has been so, just so good to me. i dont Know how to thank Him. he's just so..soooo extremely good to me.
i realise in every family, even in every little divisions within family, God places a chosen one inside. i didnt knew this. untill i thought back. in my strong-bhuddism-belief-family, it was my mother and i, who brought the whole family back to Christ. in my auntie's family, it was my cousin. even thou her family have not yet been saved, but things are pacing. in another grand-uncle's family, it was my auntie who stood strong for God. in my maternal family, it was a neighbour who brought my mom's sisters to church.
i realise all these christians in the family are often the only one who believe in christ, being "persecuted" often too. i wonder how they pull thru this. sometimes it seem so hard being the only believer in the family, and i admire the way they deal with things. but yet, God is good. these ppl are always the ones who are the most prospered. not only financially, but their positions in the marketplace and the respect that they gain from the society and in family. i find it so hard but yet when i see them succeeding, i know i can do it too.
all of the believers that i mentioned in my family have built their own family already. and i just saw my aunt's wedding photo. she's married to a guy she knew frm church who's so quite a few yrs older than her. she's so happy. my mom's sis is also married to a guy frm church too. she too, has been leading a prosperous life. i feel so happy for her!
so much thats gg thru my mind yet i cant type it all out at once. so glad to see my sis joy performing in ping pong musical during Asia conference. so cute..she dances the wushu part. when her scene is over, she immediately demand to clear off her make up. lol.. she dun like to wear dress either. hmm.. this little sister.. gladys did the opening cheerleading dance for childrenchurch part during the first nite too. awww.. i was in overflow room. but saw her anyway on the screen.
sth that cheered me! i found a antique and pretty retro sling bag at grandma's hse. i ask her whether does she still need it, and she say she can give it to me if i like! yea! its nice! eugenia wanna snatch frm me. haha. its classic man. pass down frm my grandma to me, of course i will treasure it. furthermore, now retro style are back. the bag is still usable. haha!
tmr! im gonna START studying. haven been doing much. awww.. get going felicia!
isiah 40:31 but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.
with Him, when i run, i shall not be weary! :D
Posted at 9:12 PM
Handwriten by Felicia.L
